Childless Aunty

[superfly25]

I'm a childless Aunty not by choice. Just never happened for me. After shelling out on gifts for nieces and nephews am gutted to not have a single present from my siblings. Even my Grandparents only now buy for the Great Grandchildren. AIBU to expect even a small gift or card?

Who the hell is Bruce?

@cansu

Surely, if you don't buy for your siblings then they don't buy for you. Buying gifts for kids is different. You buy gifts for children because they are kids and it is a nice thing to do. If you don't do adult presents then the fact that you don't have children is kind of not relevant.

I see it as this aswell

If you arent buying for them why would they buy for you?
unless you expect the kids to BUY you a gift which is unreasonable?

My siblings dont have kids but I buy them gifts, Im the oldest and always bought them gifts but I would buy them gifts if they did have kids too.

On the other hand my Aunt stopped buying me and DH gifts when we had kids and only gifts the kids so I now only gift her kids now its the clear set precedent by her and seems to be what your putting out too.

@cansu

Surely, if you don't buy for your siblings then they don't buy for you. Buying gifts for kids is different. You buy gifts for children because they are kids and it is a nice thing to do. If you don't do adult presents then the fact that you don't have children is kind of not relevant.

In this position if I were the parent of the nieces/nephews I would ensure that my sibling received a token gift 'from the children'. A childless friend of mine always reveives lovely presents from her godsons, even though they;re now adults with their own families.

But you are buying for the kids, not for their parents. Why expect a gift from the adults?

My sister and I dont bother with Xmas presents now, I buy for my nephew and in turn he have me something (my sister obv organised it as he is only 3).

Same with bdaya we end up giving £100 on cash so we can buy what we like but almost pointless cos it balances out but its still something lol

@cansu

Surely, if you don't buy for your siblings then they don't buy for you. Buying gifts for kids is different. You buy gifts for children because they are kids and it is a nice thing to do. If you don't do adult presents then the fact that you don't have children is kind of not relevant.

That’s not how anyone I know does it. In my family/friends once children are born then you buy for the kids but till then you get the amount spent on you. I am 11 years younger than my sister, when she had her kids I bought them presents and she bought me a present ‘from them’. Then when I had my dc she bought for them instead.

I’m childless and an aunty too. I spoil my nieces at Xmas and my sister always makes sure she gets me a little gift and cards from them to show she appreciates it.
YANBU

Stop buying gifts. Problem solved. If they ask why, tell them.

Due to location I barely saw them and once they were out of babyhood it felt ludicrous trying to choose presents for strangers. They never ever bought for me and barely acknowledged the gifts I gave, so I just stopped. It was fine, the sky didn't fall in.

I get gifts for my brother's children, but I'd be astounded if he or his children got me anything back. Saying that, they are not expensive gifts.

I do resent him not giving my parents any presents, they lavish money on my nieces, and it sets a really bad example that they never see granny and grandad receive anything from my brother, or that he suggest that they get something for them. Pretty sure their other set of grandparents are catered for, courtesy of DB's exDW. Though this year he has a new girlfriend so maybe the sheer shame of admitting to her that he's bought his family nothing might change things.

@GoingPlaces2021
I regularly spend time with the sibling who buys for us, and are allowed to spend as much time with the kids as we want
The other sibling, we have to beg for minimal information and they choose to spend time with other family members with kids and maintain relationships with them. It sucks. But we always hear from them when the xmas list is asked for.

And this is isn’t aimed at you, but all parents who say that xmas is about the kids. Thats true, but its nice to feel that you are part of the family and not just a cash point. Its the little things that matter, like cards, silly little gifts, a box of chocolates fgs, especially when you don’t get to do the fun side of xmas yourself without being the family tag along.

OP, you are me. I've just been looking at my credit card bill and wondering why on earth I bother. I think people assume that I must get something out of sending them a gift. I suppose I feel, as one of the older members of the family, that it's a nice thing to do — particularly as we don't often get to see each other. Perhaps I'm a fool.

I wasn't really expecting anything to arrive over the last few days because my siblings and my nieces and nephews never send anything, but I suppose there's a tiny part of me that hopes that this year someone'll think 'Shed sends me a decent gift every year, maybe this year I'll send her something to let her know I've been thinking of her during Covid'. But no. I doubt whether I'll even get a thank you from anyone under the age of 50. My siblings haven't even bothered with Christmas cards this year.

I do have a few small gifts from friends and neighbours and family friends and it makes me appreciate them even more.

Childless aunt here too and had years of this, I have twelve nieces and nephews and this Christmas Eve after all the fuss, rush and spending I sit here looking at the mantle piece with not one card on it from my family. Not one of my 6 siblings thought to send me a card for Christmas. I had a cry earlier in the shower and am now knee deep in chocolate and booze. Some people don't think beyond themselves, sadly my entire family are those people.

To solve my Christmas gift problem, box of biscuits, box of sweets and a game or Christmas ornament to every household, no more individual presents from here on out. I think my siblings think I am flush with cash because I don't ( can't) have kids and expect I should spend on their kids.

OP YANBU.
I was in the same position. Brought presents for my Dnieces and nephews every year for 13 until I had my DC (after years of unexplained infertility). The next year every single adult in my family decided they were going to buy for children only. So I’ve got presents for siblings, nieces and nephews for 13 years and now I have a child I get nothing.

Doesn’t quite feel right.

We have the same problem. One nephew and niece and we send them Christmas and Birthday money. Not even a thank you from my SIL. I have told my husband not to bother anymore.

@MintyMabel

But you are buying for the kids, not for their parents. Why expect a gift from the adults?

Because they aren’t ops children. She’s buying for another family unit and that family unit should be ashamed not to buy something back. Selfish entitled wankers!

Another childless auntie. I buy for my DN and my sibling and partner and they buy for us. If there was someone who regularly bought for my children I would be ashamed not to buy them something back.

I’m sorry lovely, you’re not being unreasonable. I thought it was an unwritten rule to buy for siblings then if/when they have kids the presents go to them instead.

My brother lavishes gifts on my 3 year old son. He doesn't have children yet but I always buy gifts for him on behalf of my son.

I wouldn't expect a present from a sibling if I was only buying for their children. I see my nephew as both an individual and as part of my family, not as a separate unit with my sibling. If I buy for him then my sibling doesn't owe me anything in return.

I was the childless aunty until I had DS late on. I love buying presents for the kids and go all out - when the kids got old enough I asked them to send me things they made to put on the fridge - I get the loveliest christmas and birthday cards. One DN who is 7 is obsessed by presents and always insists on buying me one for every special occasion but I wouldn’t mind if he didn’t.

@kowari

I wouldn't expect a present from a sibling if I was only buying for their children. I see my nephew as both an individual and as part of my family, not as a separate unit with my sibling. If I buy for him then my sibling doesn't owe me anything in return.

It isn't about owing or a debt, it's about reciprocating. Normally o biy you and you buy me. If I stop buying you because I'm now buying your triplets, why would you not buy anything back?

It isn't about owing or a debt, it's about reciprocating. Normally o biy you and you buy me. If I stop buying you because I'm now buying your triplets, why would you not buy anything back?
Because it's about reciprocating as you said, you are buying for the child not the parent. Children are not one entity with their parent, they are individual members of my family. I certainly wouldn't expect anything if my sibling had triplets and I just had my one child!

It isn't about owing or a debt, it's about reciprocating. Normally o biy you and you buy me. If I stop buying you because I'm now buying your triplets, why would you not buy anything back?

I can see why, if before the children you used to swap presents with your siblings, it would seem off if they stopped buying for you. But my siblings and I never swapped presents as adults, so when they had children and I started sending gifts to their children it would have been odd if my siblings had suddenly started to send me a gift. I could see how some aunts and uncles might have liked something hand made from the kids, though personally I would probably have been grimacing and wondering how long I had to have on display before I could chuck it (since my nieces and nephew pews were not preternaturally talented artists).

In my family adults either buy for each other, or agree not to. Adults buy for children. Children are individuals, separate from their parents. A present for a child does not require that the parent of the child buys for the giver.