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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childless Aunty

276 replies

superfly25 · 24/12/2020 17:56

I'm a childless Aunty not by choice. Just never happened for me. After shelling out on gifts for nieces and nephews am gutted to not have a single present from my siblings. Even my Grandparents only now buy for the Great Grandchildren. AIBU to expect even a small gift or card?

OP posts:
NoProblem123 · 24/12/2020 19:41

It’s their job to teach their children to give and not just take.
Very selfish & shortsighted of them.

You can’t blame the children but in future it should be sponsor a donkey for each of them & something lovely for yourself Flowers

MrsPerfect12 · 24/12/2020 19:45

YANBU. My BIL is childless and I always buy for him and his partner for birthday and Christmas. They only buy for the children. If they had children it would be kids only.

Underadesk · 24/12/2020 19:48

I’m with you on the sheer selfishness. Also childless. One sibling goes all out and we get cards etc from the kids. The other barely sends a thank you because its ‘expected’ and why should parents have to buy for adults? You can tell the relationship with with each family unit
Plus, (and maybe this is just me) but it just feels like a transactional relationship

Quaversplease · 24/12/2020 19:54

I'm also a childless aunty. I buy for my nieces and nephew and when they were little my brother and SIL would give me gifts 'from them'.

Now they're adults, I buy for them and they reciprocate.

Tal45 · 24/12/2020 19:55

Do you buy for your siblings? If so then I would hope they would buy for you, if not then I wouldn't expect them to. I have lots of aunts and uncles that buy for my lo but I don't buy for them - always get him to write a thank you letter though.

Cam2020 · 24/12/2020 19:55

That's really mean. Even as as a small child I used to ask my mum if I could buy my (then) child free aunt a Chrsitmas present. There were lots of neices and nephews and she always bought for us and I thought it was unfair she never got anything.

Weirdlynormal · 24/12/2020 19:58

Isn't this because you all just buy for the kids. You're not a child.

I don't give to receive though...

SanFairyElla · 24/12/2020 19:58

Same situation here, and while I don't expect a gift, a card and a thank you note (or a text, I'm not precious about cards) would be nice. Unfortunately I think Try to be involved with the children and their lives and that’s a priceless gift is part of the problem. Some people seem to think childless siblings should be grateful to have their children in their lives, and it sticks in the craw a bit. As adults we can be the grown-up and carry on giving pressies regardless. I personally hope my niece and nephews one day realise that Auntie Ella was gracious and generous and they should maybe call her on her birthday.

Wellthisismorethanabitgrim · 24/12/2020 20:00

As someone else said, I don't expect an expensive gift in return. A Christmas card, a phone call on Christmas day that didn't sound totally forced, a chocolate orange, a bottle of wine, a little toy for my dog, a thank you for the presents card...any of these would be hugely appreciated. I am fairly happily childless so it doesn't sting from that perspective but it's just so fucking rude!

Backbee · 24/12/2020 20:00

My aunt is childfree, I always get her presents. She doesn't give to receive, but she gave me and my siblings presents for birthdays and Christmases growing up which amounted to a fair amount, and she buys really lovely and thoughtful gifts for DS. Usually she comes to ours for Christmas, and I hate the thought of her having nothing thoughtful to open whilst everyone else does, plus I love her dearly and like to pick and choose something I know she will like. I don't think you are being unreasonable to be honest.

AnnaMagnani · 24/12/2020 20:00

I'm a childless aunty but through choice.

I think it's mean they get you nothing if you are buying for them AND the DCs. One of the reasons my DH wasn't keen for us going to presents for children only was that we wouldn't end up with any presents at all - and so this year it has turned out.

I would be culling my present list right down. Children yes but with a budget, adults no or token box of cheap chocs.

ZippedyDooDa · 24/12/2020 20:01

I was a childless auntie for many many years. Spent (and still do) loads on nieces & nephews. I'm sorry but I always felt that Christmas is for kids, so I've never wanted or expected anything in return for myself. If you do, you need to raise it with your siblings.

Newbie1999 · 24/12/2020 20:03

I agree with @cansu Confused It’s different for kids.

Chloemol · 24/12/2020 20:06

@cansu

Ok for the siblings not to buy anything I suppose, but I would buy something and say it’s from niece/nephew

Op I would stop bothering and just say you are donating money on their behalf

BoomBoomsCousin · 24/12/2020 20:06

It never occurred to me to think my siblings should buy me presents because I bought their children presents. Ditto with the close friends whose kids I bought for.

Ginandplatonic · 24/12/2020 20:10

I have 4 kids, my brother has none. He always buys presents for each of my kids and “they” (me) always give him a present back - sometimes 4 small ones, sometimes one big one.

Aside from the monetary “fairness” aspect, I don’t want to teach my children that it’s ok to take without giving back.

DarkDarkNight · 24/12/2020 20:13

YANBU, that is awful Sad. My brother doesn’t have children and I always make an effort to get him a few presents reflecting his interests, some beers and money/gift card to make up for the fact he is buying for a few nieces/nephews.

It is awful of your siblings in my opinion not to consider how expensive it is for you.

Mmn654123 · 24/12/2020 20:14

@cansu

Surely, if you don't buy for your siblings then they don't buy for you. Buying gifts for kids is different. You buy gifts for children because they are kids and it is a nice thing to do. If you don't do adult presents then the fact that you don't have children is kind of not relevant.
Nonsense.

Buying ‘only for the children’ works only when all parties have children to buy for. Are you seriously saying you would let your own parents buy for your children and get them nothing?

Selfish entitled parents.

Stop buying for any of them op, including the children, and treat yourself each year. Their parents can buy them extra with the money they save by not buying for you.

Honestly. Parents who would do this are total wankers. “Spend your money on my family because they are children and I’lol spend nothing and make zero effort in return”.

If any of you are THAT parent, wake up.

Mmn654123 · 24/12/2020 20:16

@BoomBoomsCousin

It never occurred to me to think my siblings should buy me presents because I bought their children presents. Ditto with the close friends whose kids I bought for.
Why not? Why are you subsidising their family? You are putting in thought and money. They do nothing. That isn’t ok.
DarkDarkNight · 24/12/2020 20:20

It never occurred to me to think my siblings should buy me presents because I bought their children presents. Ditto with the close friends whose kids I bought for.

I see it as basic manners and a token of appreciation. When I didn’t have children and was buying for my nieces and nephews I didn’t ‘expect’ it and made that clear especially as money is tight at Christmas for many. But a card and some chocolates/wine for someone who has spent time, money and effort to buy your children a present isn’t a lot to ask.

gingerninja99 · 24/12/2020 20:21

My SIL is a childless auntie and she gets a gift from our kids, she no longer buys for us adults as we'd rather she spent her money on them but it wouldn't be right for the kids not to learn to give gifts since they receive from others

thelegohooverer · 24/12/2020 20:22

When people buy gifts for our dc, we buy for their dc, or buy for them if they don’t have dc, and the dc send a small homemade gift as well.

I think you are being treated very badly.

GoingPlaces2021 · 24/12/2020 20:22

When I was married to DH and childless, I had loads of spare cash.

Now I have 2DC, GPs, Bruce's and nephews, teachers and others to buy for. I'm also expected to host Christmas because we are the only ones to have DC and invite GPs and childless aunts and uncles. That roast dinner costs me £100+. Plus all the cleaning, shopping, prep, cooking and clean up.

My Christmas costs loads more now than before DC and l'm still recuperating for it financially for it in Feb.

What do you do for your nieces and nephews? Ever babysit for them or take them out? If you just see them once or twice a year then honestly, they have better relationships with their friends mums.

Do both yourself and your siblings a favour. Buy them a selection box and take the pressure off them. Give a token and expect nothing back.

Chouxbuncity · 24/12/2020 20:22

I buy for children because I like them and like to spend money on them! I can buy my own bottle of Prosecco or chocolate orange as someone else suggested. However I know it’s appreciated as I only buy for children who I see regularly and when I’m a part of their life.

maverickallthetime · 24/12/2020 20:23

That's awful. I buy extra for my sister and friend, both childless as I feel it's unfair of them to buy for us! I know it's not a money being equal thing but I try and redress the balance where I can