To teach her the "correct" name for it?

[notyourmummy]

My in-laws were shocked today to overhear my 3yo saying she was just wiping her vulva after she'd been for a wee. They think it's wrong for her to call it that and she should use a more "child friendly" word (tuppence was grandma's suggestion). Now my husband has said that he actually agrees with them and he doesn't think it sounds right her saying vulva.
Background info, I'm a survivor of childhood abuse and, although it wouldn't have made any difference what I'd called anyone's genitals, I think that's had an impact on me wanting my children to know and use the right words for them.
So, YABU - she should use a more "child friendly" word.
YANBU - it's good for her to use the correct name.

This is mumsnet. Everyone will say she should use the correct word. I think they’re clever enough to be able to be taught both. But tbh, no harm either way, how often will they hear her use it? Well alright, dad will more, but Not a huge issue.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with her using the correct names for her body parts. If something was to happen or even if she had a medical problem it’s better that she can actually tell people where the issue is. I would have no idea what a tuppence is.

YANBU - all this not using proper names for genitals perpetuates the idea that there is something shameful or distasteful about those parts of our bodies. An arm is an arm, an ear an ear, a vulva a vulva.

It's vulva in our house too. My dd is also 3. It's become very normal even for the grandparents. Backtracking and changing what it's called would be very confusing. Crack on, better using the correct terms. It's vulva and penis here.

I've voted YANBU because technically you're right however I did cringe when I read it, which is ridiculous of course and totally my issue. 'Wiping my bum' is our universal saying in this house, if it is required

Vulva is such a revolting word though. My DD says vagina, which while isn't 100% correct will stop any potential problems with 'grandad touched my flower' kind of statements.

Fucking 'vulva' though.. I think I'd rather she said cunt.

Oh jesus I missed the bit about the tuppence, no no no!

Correct names are important, yes. Having said that, I would probably do a bit of a double take if a small child said they were wiping their vulva. But we’ll never change people’s views and perceptions if we bend to their will - speak to your DH and MIL and explain the reasons.

I grew up with ‘front bottom’, which is better than anything cutesy but still not great, and anatomy names is something I am already thinking about re my own child because I want to do the right thing.

@WunWun

Vulva is such a revolting word though. My DD says vagina, which while isn't 100% correct will stop any potential problems with 'grandad touched my flower' kind of statements.

Fucking 'vulva' though.. I think I'd rather she said cunt.

It reminds me of Ross on friends when he's trying to talk dirty

What you're doing is fine.

There are three options:

• medically correct terms
• widely-used slang terms
• cutesy terms

I can't bear the cutesy names. Tuppence is bleurgh.

I chair a primary school, children are taught to name parts properly pretty early on. The reason is safeguarding, because God forbid that something should happen, but at least they will able to name which part accurately. That's why it is important, thank you and well done OP.

I am also a survivor of horrendous sexual abuse as a child. I have always used the correct terms with my children. Penis, breasts and vagina....I know that's not 100%. Tuppence sounds revolting, so please no no no.

The whole ‘anatomically correct’ is weird. We don’t call every single part of our body by the technically correct term.

Let kids be kids I say

As a PP had mentioned, it is important for safe guarding that children know the correct terms

Tuppence is awful and weird. It’s fine to use the correct terms and anyone who has an issue with it has issues.

I am fairly open minded with names, but SIL really riled me up with trying to call it DD's 'Mary'! FFS, that is a grown woman's name!!! Also happened to be the name of one of my closest friends! Fortunately DD corrected SIL after a little conversation about upset 'Auntie' Mary would be to hear her name used in that way. I was fully prepared to, but DD shut her down very effectively!

I have taught DS willy, testicles, and vagina.

I know technically its a vulva but IRL I have never heard a child say it (used to be a preschool teacher, stil had DC potty training) it's usually a "minnie" here, a few mum friends have taught the word vagina though.

My girls have shortened vagina to 'gina' (said like the end of the word, not the name Gina) GPS didn't like it but I shut them down with 'our kids, our choice'. It's now very ingrained and everyone got used to it.

You're doing the right thing. I partly do this with my little girl to get the practice in so that I'm not squeamish about 'difficult' conversations as she gets older. I was never talked to properly about these things as a child and it wasn't good for me. Whereas we were discussing babies coming out of vaginas over lunch the other day, because that's when she asked!

I think there is a fine line. It doesn’t have to be vulva or tuppence.

My kids said “my privates” “my private parts” we didn’t do cutesy nicknames. They knew that their genitals were private and from a young age were told that no one else (except a doctor or nurse if they were poorly) should touch or see their privates and that they were to tell us if anyone ever did.

“Wiping my vulva” is a bit distateful, even though it is the correct term. I think I’d worry about a little one announcing that and some sicko overhearing and picturing it or something - it’s an unnecessarily graphic thing to announce. Maybe three is a decent age to start mentioning that we don’t need to talk about what happens in the toilet to everyone as it’s not something everyone wants to hear.

We say bum in this house.
Not cutesy and I've read that you shouldn't use cute names incase of abuse. Bum seemed to cover the bases without being too odd.

Absolutely

Only reason vulva and vagina are still startling compared to penis is we aren’t used to hearing them, but that is changing.

What I find REALLY irritating is people using vagina for vulva - it simplifies female genitalia into the bit the penis goes into and I don’t understand why it’s got traction.

That said I don’t mind slang terms, but cutesy kid terms are the worst.

YANBU: I myself, when toilet training. Taught my DD no one was allowed to see or touch her bum
Only mummy can help wipe.
Once training was complete I taught her vagina, bum and breasts.
It's important kids know the real names of body parts, also be made aware these are important parts and not cute special areas that a friendly man/women can groom the child into touching it seeing.

Good point, although she doesn't announce it, I just asked if she was finished and she replied she was just wiping.

@Coldhandscoldheart

This is mumsnet. Everyone will say she should use the correct word. I think they’re clever enough to be able to be taught both. But tbh, no harm either way, how often will they hear her use it? Well alright, dad will more, but Not a huge issue.

Except you eh? The only one who’s a bit cleverer than the rest

OP I’m the same as you. We use the proper words and always have done. I also suffered from sexual abuse so this is really important to me.

As my kids have got older they’ve played with using “twee” words because their friends do. But I drew the line at flower 😂

They also know where babies come from, about puberty etc and have done for a while (in an age appropriate way).

In my experience, adults are uncomfortable with it because they’re the ones who are projecting sexual thoughts when they hear the correct words used.