To teach her the "correct" name for it?

[notyourmummy]

My in-laws were shocked today to overhear my 3yo saying she was just wiping her vulva after she'd been for a wee. They think it's wrong for her to call it that and she should use a more "child friendly" word (tuppence was grandma's suggestion). Now my husband has said that he actually agrees with them and he doesn't think it sounds right her saying vulva.
Background info, I'm a survivor of childhood abuse and, although it wouldn't have made any difference what I'd called anyone's genitals, I think that's had an impact on me wanting my children to know and use the right words for them.
So, YABU - she should use a more "child friendly" word.
YANBU - it's good for her to use the correct name.

My dd is 4. She has a vulva, so that is what she calls it. I've never thought it was "distasteful" hearing her say "I need to wipe my vulva". Surely giving genitals silly names just feeds into the concept of embarrassment about all the stuff that goes on down there. They're just anatomy!

I have a 2.5 year old and 20month old (ish) and during potty training I told him penis/Willy (he says willy) I taught my daughter Vulva although she can't really talk yet.

If they're in the bath together and she stands up he will say "that's L's vulva".

I wasn't sexually abused as a child but talking about Private parts was frowned upon and I don't remember even having a name for 'it'!
I felt ashamed when I started my period at age 12, and actually spoke to my older sister instead of my parents. I don't want my kids to get that vibe from me.

And yeah, I probably could do that without using Vulva, but they're my kids and I don't want to.

Your kids your choice :)

My kids know the correct terms but they also wouldn’t announce they are wiping their vulva 🤣. They don’t really mention their genitals to anyone.

I don’t think I’ve ever actually needed to talk about Vulvas etc while potty training so there is something quite deliberate about introducing that terminology to a 3 year old. I’m quite happy to go through correct names for body parts etc as and when learning about the body on the same way you’d teach about intestines but it’s not something that has come up in everyday conversation that often and would feel a bit forced.

How very weird

Using vulva sounds very harsh. Cant you use at least vagina if you want to be a bit more clinical? We used pee pee part for the front and bottom or bum for the back - very clear, age appropriate but not harsh or clinical.

I can certainly understand not wanting to use tuppence. That’s just weird too. Why use the term for a small amount of money?

The thing I find most strange about all this is the concept of actually telling everybody exactly what you are doing in the loo! I would never dream of telling everybody I was going to 'open my bowels' before we go out (we do not use twee words in this house!), or that I needed to wipe myself or that I might go and see how much blood I was losing during my period!

When I was a child, the word 'bits' seemed to cover everything, not anatomical nor twee!

Oh and we very much used two terms during potty training because it’s important the girls learn to wipe away, from the pee pee part to their bum (front to back not back to front)

@ILoveYoga

How very weird

Using vulva sounds very harsh. Cant you use at least vagina if you want to be a bit more clinical? We used pee pee part for the front and bottom or bum for the back - very clear, age appropriate but not harsh or clinical.

I can certainly understand not wanting to use tuppence. That’s just weird too. Why use the term for a small amount of money?

Maybe tuppence evolved in connection with 'spending a penny'?

I don't think there's anything wrong with her saying vulva. I called it vagina to DD, she said Gina, school say private parts and that's what mostly she calls it now.

I think it is very important to use the correct words. Why should we feel shame about any part of our bodies? It is called a vulva. Why call it something else? Do you call your arm something else? It makes no sense to me.

All this faux naivete crops up every time.

No you don't hear children outside of MN talking about vulvas because by the time you're talking to other people's children in meaningful ways, they aren't prattling on about vulvas, they understand social interaction. Unless you're my dn who is autistic, 13 and tells everybody she meets about starting her periods.

My dc always knew and used correct terms when appropriate to the situation. You wouldn't know it perhaps because they didn't often talk about their genitals in polite company. In the op's scenario it's simply because the child is 3 that they have quite openly used the language taught to them and overshared.

And no children who use correct terms don't say urinate or patella or clavicle and so on because we have other universally understood language for those acts or parts. It's not equivalent as a comparison. Tuppence is not to vulva as kneecap is to patella. Calling your vulva a tuppence is like calling your kneecap a diddly spinbot.

Call it what you like, it's not as though anyone else would know? I can't say I regularly discuss my kids private parts with other people. That would be wierd.

Maybe tuppence evolved in connection with 'spending a penny'?

It took me years to work out my nana wasn't advising me to be careful with money when she told me to 'keep your hand on your ha'penny'.

@ILoveYoga

How very weird

Using vulva sounds very harsh. Cant you use at least vagina if you want to be a bit more clinical? We used pee pee part for the front and bottom or bum for the back - very clear, age appropriate but not harsh or clinical.

I can certainly understand not wanting to use tuppence. That’s just weird too. Why use the term for a small amount of money?

Why not use vagina? Because a vagina is not that part at the front that they can see. In our case, we also have a DS, and DD has noticed the difference between him and her. She’d point and say something like ‘why has (brother’s name) got that?’ so we’d say ‘he has a penis, you have a vulva.’ Her vulva is not her vagina in the same way that it’s not her shoulder or her earlobe.

Having just looked up Tuppence, the original coin was minted in 1797 when tuppence bought a square meal or more. Therefore I think the op can almost reliably inform her MIL that historically tuppence was the price of a prostitute hence it's association with women's private parts. In that context the anatomically correct words are better in every sense.

A few posters have explained why it makes a difference to unambiguously, correctly name their body parts in that situation. It's very important sometimes. Ambiguity can be exploited.

Yes. This. It's not so much about slang/cutesy names being a problem in themselves, but that there is no one single accepted name for the female genitalia. When a boy says "willy" we know exactly what he means. But stuff like tuppence, flower, minnie etc. could be construed as having different meanings. Even worse is the idea of using "bum" or "bottom" to refer to genitalia - they are not remotely the same thing, so why would you? How utterly confusing for girls.

I very much agree with the posters who said that defence barristers exploit this kind of ambiguity. They will home in on any weakness in a witness's evidence, even that of a child.

Three year old saying vulva. Just no.

Why would you not call a vulva by its name? Are there people out there insisting their dc use cutesy inaccurate names for all body parts, or just external genitalia? Do we get upset and find it weird when people mention their arms instead of their army-warmy-woos? I doubt it.

Do you actually have to talk about it?

@RosaBaby2

I've voted YANBU because technically you're right however I did cringe when I read it, which is ridiculous of course and totally my issue. 'Wiping my bum' is our universal saying in this house, if it is required

Me too. I agree they should know the correct names, but it really makes me cringe. And I'm a nurse.

Teach the right words, sure, but also teach her not to talk about it in front of people.

I think teaching young girls to call their vulva a "tuppence" is weird

If you can't say vulva, or can't face them saying it, then surely bum or privates or vagina at least identifies the area they are talking about

So, YABU - she should use a more "child friendly" word
YANBU - it's good for her to use the correct name

Honestly, neither of these. You both can call it whatever the F you want, and the only people being unreasonable is anyone who thinks it has anything to do with them or thinks it matters one jot.

It's just a word you choose to call something. If the way you approach teaching and talking about her body is the same, then whether you call it tuppence or vulva makes no difference.

Of course she should know the right word and I am being the idiot here but it would be me cringe inside if I heard a child saying ‘I’m just wiping my vulva’.

To be honest I would find it very off from an adult too..

I don’t think there is anything wrong with teaching your DD the correct words however I do think you are doing this to make a point because of the type of body part. Do you also teach her to say ‘abdomen’ instead of tummy? Or ‘buttocks’ instead of bum?