To teach her the "correct" name for it?

[notyourmummy]

My in-laws were shocked today to overhear my 3yo saying she was just wiping her vulva after she'd been for a wee. They think it's wrong for her to call it that and she should use a more "child friendly" word (tuppence was grandma's suggestion). Now my husband has said that he actually agrees with them and he doesn't think it sounds right her saying vulva.
Background info, I'm a survivor of childhood abuse and, although it wouldn't have made any difference what I'd called anyone's genitals, I think that's had an impact on me wanting my children to know and use the right words for them.
So, YABU - she should use a more "child friendly" word.
YANBU - it's good for her to use the correct name.

For safeguarding reasons, having also workied with children who have been sexually abused, we use either private parts or vagina. Cutesy names are not great

There's nothing revolting calling your vulva a vulva. And of course we don't all talk about our vulva's because we know it's a "private part".

Conservations about trust, safety also happen all the time. Who their most loved and trusted people are if they ever had a problem. We should also be teaching girls the importance of not talking to Uncle Harry about our vulva's because that is their very own private part. That doesn't mean it's something shameful to hide, but part of learning how to be as safe as possible.

@AuntieStella

Children need to be bilingual - knowing both the proper names and the day to day ones.

What I think is the issue here is the lack of a universally known/accepted term to parallel 'willy'

I call my finger a finger, not a “hand worm” or some other twee term

That would be weird. But no one has difficulty with terms such as tummy, or understanding what a small child might mean by 'tummy ache'

Yes it would be weird - just like calling a vulva a “tuppence” is weird.

I don’t think children really need to use the term very often at all. They, like adults, can usually adapt language to the situation. It doesn’t matter as long as it’s understandable.

I don’t usually announce I need to urinate. I’d say I need a pee before I go out or I’m going to the lavatory. I imagine few women describe having their mons pubis depilated.

Someone suggested that men don’t use the word urethra when describing their penis.

Well no, because they’re not the same thing.

Men have socially accepted names for their cocks/willies/penis.

What do women have? Tuppence, flower, “front bottom”. All of which are things which could be conflated with something else.

It’s ridiculous. So hence the need to teach kids the correct names.

My 2 year old says vulva. I'm guessing that by the time she goes to school she will be discussing potty training less and therefore that I don't need to worry so much about what other kids think of it! I grew up saying vagina, so it didn't seem like a big leap to use the correct word. I did have to practice though.

I couldn't care less what other adults think. I certainly am not doing it to shock them

Men have socially accepted names for their cocks/willies/penis.

What do women have? Tuppence, flower, “front bottom”. All of which are things which could be conflated with something else.

A cock is a bird, a cockerel.
Willy is a nickname for William.
Penis is the correct term, same as Vulva/Vagina.

I’ve heard boys use front bottom.

In the case of SA and clarification in a criminal investigation, a small boy is just as likely to have to clarify what he means by cock/Willy/todger/tiddler/sausage etc means as girl would with flower/mary/fanny/tuppence.

I don't like all these cutesy-cutesy names for body parts. In our house a penis is a penis and a Geneva is a Geneva.

Bum seemed to cover the bases without being too odd

My mum told me tampons go "up your bum" when I was little and asked what they were, because she was embarrassed to think of a word for "vagina".

I worried about it quite a lot until years later when I learnt what they actually were for!

@ProudAuntie76

No one is weird about saying penis or Willy, so why be weird about vulva?

Willy is a nickname.

Which would suggest people ARE weird about saying Penis.

I’ve never heard a grown man refer to his Penis.

I’ve heard;

Willy
Cock
Johnny Thomas
Dick
Little (name of man)
Little Soldier
Sausage

All sorts of weird shit.

I’ve rarely heard little boys say Penis. It’s almost universally Willy. And Balls or Nuts for Testicles.

So it’s not the feminist issue that some people are making it. It’s a discomfort with genitalia in general when making conversation in public. And even at our most intimate moments.

But we have other names for other body parts that aren’t an issue...

Tummy
Belly
Tummy/Belly Button
Funny Bone
Pinky

I’d be expecting a child who referred to their vulva to also only use abdomen, umbilicus etc. If not why not?

Because I don’t have to worry about the potential of my DD’s use of tummy being misconstrued.

Because there are widely accepted names for men’s genitals, such as Willy, but not for female’s.

Because arming my daughter with the words vulva and vagina will hopefully help to make her realise that those words, and as an extension those body parts, aren’t shameful, or something to be referred to by a different name.

If she is ever sexually abused (and just writing that is horrendous) I absolutely want her to be able to tell a police officer exactly where and what her abuser did.

I have never heard a tiny child say vulva it seems very odd to me but we're all different in what we teach our children I spose.

my 3yo saying she was just wiping her vulva after she'd been for a wee.

Why are you using "been for a wee" if correct names are so important?

@WunWun

Vulva is such a revolting word though. My DD says vagina, which while isn't 100% correct will stop any potential problems with 'grandad touched my flower' kind of statements.

Fucking 'vulva' though.. I think I'd rather she said cunt.

I’d love to see grandpa’s face if she did say that!

My two daughters both under the age of 8 know the difference between vulva and vagina. Why wouldn’t they? It’s the name.

@ProudAuntie76

Men have socially accepted names for their cocks/willies/penis.

What do women have? Tuppence, flower, “front bottom”. All of which are things which could be conflated with something else.

A cock is a bird, a cockerel.
Willy is a nickname for William.
Penis is the correct term, same as Vulva/Vagina.

I’ve heard boys use front bottom.

In the case of SA and clarification in a criminal investigation, a small boy is just as likely to have to clarify what he means by cock/Willy/todger/tiddler/sausage etc means as girl would with flower/mary/fanny/tuppence.

You are being a bit disingenuous there.

Willy is a well known term for penis. It even has its own dictionary entry. Does flower, tuppence etc?

My 4yo son knows the correct words for things but does call his penis, his Willy.
He knows I have a vulva and a vagina but calls breasts, boobies.
He knows what a period is, how baby's are made and how they are born (in child friendly terms).
He asks questions and I just answer them, I figure it's easier doing that than giving any sort of big 'talk' when he'll be too embarrassed to listen.

We use fanny in our house. Nothing against anatomical name but fanny seems suitably childish without being a euphemism. And it's kind of the equivalent of willy.

I'm not sure DD4 needs to know all the details of clitoris, vulva, vagina etc now.

Well yes been for a wee in isn't correct either.
Can't imagine a 3 year old saying I need to urinate and dry my vulva though

This is mumsnet. Everyone will say she should use the correct word. I think they’re clever enough to be able to be taught both. But tbh, no harm either way, how often will they hear her use it? Well alright, dad will more, but Not a huge issue.

This. Everyone on mumsnet has dc that talk of vulvas and scrotums but irl I work with 3-7 year olds daily and never heard anyone tell me they are wiping their vulva or say they have a sore vulva etc. My dc know the technical terms but don't use them. Tbh they'd just say they were wiping their bum.

You’re doing the right thing. And vulva isn’t a disgusting word, it’s a good practical word. The more we teach it, to normalise it, the better.

Children say they have a tummy ache and drs know where they mean. No problem using real terms but dont think it will make any difference re.sexual abuse cases what the child calls that area.

I think it is fine that she says "vulva" but I do wonder why she felt it necessary to announce that she was wiping it. I would be inclined to say, "Jolly good darling but just do it, we don't have to tell everyone all that we do". With that I am now off to evacuate my bowels and wipe my anus. See y'all later.

PS: Just seen that she didn't choose to announce it, good, but you asked her had she finished. Oh well then, her response was normal.

What I think is the issue here is the lack of a universally known/accepted term to parallel 'willy'

Yes, this is the big problem. I only have a DS so I've not found it too difficult, I have told him that the correct word is penis but we all say willy. That won't be mistaken. The problem is with there not being an equivalent for girl. Using the correct terms don't bother me but I can see why others don't like it, but the alternative is just a daft range of different words, none of which are as well understood as willy.

Knowing the correct word I agree, also being aware that most young girls may use different words.

Hope she was also taught to wipe front to back then. A couple of good points on here, cannot imagine any child of any age saying, they had just urinated or voided, yes, teach them the proper names, but maybe say there are certain body parts that are private, we do not bellow out in public. My oldest DD on having sex education started chatting about it on the bus, she was nine, this was 1970, acutely embarassing.The DGKs same age, know the correct word, but say vag.