To teach her the "correct" name for it?

[notyourmummy]

My in-laws were shocked today to overhear my 3yo saying she was just wiping her vulva after she'd been for a wee. They think it's wrong for her to call it that and she should use a more "child friendly" word (tuppence was grandma's suggestion). Now my husband has said that he actually agrees with them and he doesn't think it sounds right her saying vulva.
Background info, I'm a survivor of childhood abuse and, although it wouldn't have made any difference what I'd called anyone's genitals, I think that's had an impact on me wanting my children to know and use the right words for them.
So, YABU - she should use a more "child friendly" word.
YANBU - it's good for her to use the correct name.

YANBU! My DD sometimes says it’s her ‘willy’ and I say no, it’s your vulva. It’s literally just a body part. ‘Tuppence’ ffs, how is an outdated form of currency a better word than the actual word?

We used front bum when I was a child. How sad to compare this important part of our female bodies with an anus. I say yes for correct biological terms.

@WunWun

Vulva is such a revolting word though. My DD says vagina, which while isn't 100% correct will stop any potential problems with 'grandad touched my flower' kind of statements.

Fucking 'vulva' though.. I think I'd rather she said cunt.

Why? What’s wrong with the word vulva?

We use vagina, which I appreciate is 100% correct, but it’s totally normal here now. No one bats an eyelid. Even when she has said it in front of other adults they look a bit surprised, but I think then realise that she’s actually right!

But I’ve also told mine about how babies are made, sperm and eggs etc, so maybe not everyone would agree with me!

Vulva in our house too. DD is 2. Nobody seems to mind a little boy saying penis but heaven forbid a girl use the correct word for her own body

I only learnt the difference between vagina and vulva embarrassingly recently! I also find vulva a bit of a weird word, I wish there was a happy medium. You wouldn’t say ‘Wipe your anus’. (Actually I might start saying that!)

@BakedTattie

The whole ‘anatomically correct’ is weird. We don’t call every single part of our body by the technically correct term.

Let kids be kids I say

I call my finger a finger, not a “hand worm” or some other twee term.

No different to calling a vulva a vulva.

I actually was never convinced by the whole “they need to know the correct names in case of abuse” but there is a case going on here in Australia where a man has been accused of abusing a number of young girls that he was teaching swimming to. There has been a great deal resting on whether he touched them on the “bottom” (as reported by the child) and the other saying “that’s the word she used for her vulva/vagina”.
Neither are obviously great but it did show me that actually correct names are very important.
I’m not sure she needs to be announcing that she’s wiping her vulva to her grandparents!
Also, it’s not the vulva’s fault that we find it a funny word. It’s still correct and it would be weird if men went round talking about their urethra instead of their penis.

Sorry, that should say the “mother” not “other”.

The only reason people are offended by the word vulva is because we aren’t used to hearing it. Good for to be teaching your child that her body parts are what they are and not something secret and shameful to be veiled in mystery. No one is weird about saying penis or Willy, so why be weird about vulva?

Who teaches a 3 year old fucking vulva?! Most adults don't say 'i'm wiping my vulva....'. Be honest OP, you did that entirely for the shock value. Might as well stick a note on her head ready for when she goes to school 'mum has taught me to be a bit weird, kick me'. It's not about incorrect words, it's about vulva. You could have even said vagina and it would have sounded better.

In fact, I'm not even sure this post is real.

I call bullshit.

Children need to be bilingual - knowing both the proper names and the day to day ones.

What I think is the issue here is the lack of a universally known/accepted term to parallel 'willy'

I call my finger a finger, not a “hand worm” or some other twee term

That would be weird. But no one has difficulty with terms such as tummy, or understanding what a small child might mean by 'tummy ache'

@WunWun

Vulva is such a revolting word though. My DD says vagina, which while isn't 100% correct will stop any potential problems with 'grandad touched my flower' kind of statements.

Fucking 'vulva' though.. I think I'd rather she said cunt.

I agree with this...it's just smacks of 'mummy wants to be trendy and a bit controversial'.

Fucking vulva.

@Ozgirl75

I actually was never convinced by the whole “they need to know the correct names in case of abuse” but there is a case going on here in Australia where a man has been accused of abusing a number of young girls that he was teaching swimming to. There has been a great deal resting on whether he touched them on the “bottom” (as reported by the child) and the other saying “that’s the word she used for her vulva/vagina”. Neither are obviously great but it did show me that actually correct names are very important. I’m not sure she needs to be announcing that she’s wiping her vulva to her grandparents! Also, it’s not the vulva’s fault that we find it a funny word. It’s still correct and it would be weird if men went round talking about their urethra instead of their penis.

I am trained to interview children to provide potential evidence for criminal court cases in the event of abuse.

When you’ve had to interview a sexually abused five year old and she tells you that he touched her minnie, and you know that the abuser and his defence would try to use this as reasonable doubt in terms of what had actually happened if indeed the CPS accept it as good enough evidence, and you then have to painfully take this tiny child through having to describe what she means by “minnie” when if she’d said vagina or vulva this would not have been necessary... that’s when you know how important it is for children to know the correct words.

Another take on the word vulva.

I grew up thinking it was disgusting word, like vagina.

Then I got a French mother in law and after I had kids the topic cake up and I told her that the French were lucky because La vulve sounds so much nicer (it's pronounced voolv, with the L sound made at the front of your mouth and the V sound a soft V - and obviously with a nice French accent!). She visibly recoiled and spat out, like the word taste awful, "No, it's disgusting!"

The only reason we think that word is disgusting is because it's socially ingrained. Vagina was also a disgusting sounding word until we started to hear it slowly, again and again said in the media/in movies.

Nobody says vulva.

But I can bet that many of the people who think it sounds disgusting don't feel so revolted by the similar sounding "Volvo". It's down to what we're taught.

So if we teach our children that it's a neutral or even nice word, they will learn that it is.

I also had a similar situation like the one going on in Australia and the fact my DD could say it was her bottom, not her vulva, made everything clear.

It's 'lady bits' here!

I do find it strange children are discouraged saying penis and vagina/vulva in public as though it's rude.

But I would also prefer to say to my dd 'don't forget to wipe/wash your lady bits", than. "Don't forget to wipe your vulva"

@ClaireP20

Who teaches a 3 year old fucking vulva?! Most adults don't say 'i'm wiping my vulva....'. Be honest OP, you did that entirely for the shock value. Might as well stick a note on her head ready for when she goes to school 'mum has taught me to be a bit weird, kick me'. It's not about incorrect words, it's about vulva. You could have even said vagina and it would have sounded better.

In fact, I'm not even sure this post is real.

I call bullshit.

My 3yo DD absolutely says vulva. Why exactly is that akin to me telling children to kick her at school and why is vagina better? Vulva is the correct term, like if she mentions her ear or her toe or her eyeball. I mentioned my vulva to my own GP recently, wasn’t treated like a weirdo

*Nobody says vulva - in the media etc so we're just not used to hearing it, unless it's to say it's a horrible word, reinforcing the idea it's a horrible word!

Completely agree with use of anatomically correct terms.

tho my grown up children still call their fingers and toes fingies and toetoes

I call my finger a finger, not a “hand worm” or some other twee term

that made me laugh.

I’m so glad that I have only boys and so therefore haven’t had to have the vulva/tuppence debate (we called it a twinkle when I was little, and I have a friend who calls it a Janet )
We use the fairly unambiguous “Willy” for my boys’ bits, but my eldest does know it’s correct name too.

@ClaireP20

Who teaches a 3 year old fucking vulva?! Most adults don't say 'i'm wiping my vulva....'. Be honest OP, you did that entirely for the shock value. Might as well stick a note on her head ready for when she goes to school 'mum has taught me to be a bit weird, kick me'. It's not about incorrect words, it's about vulva. You could have even said vagina and it would have sounded better.

In fact, I'm not even sure this post is real.

I call bullshit.

Why do you have such a reaction to a simple word like vulva? I find that really odd

I’m sure the post is real. My DD is 6 and has always called it a vulva. In fact, her Year One class has recently been naming the body parts and she came home to tell me about vulva, penis, and testicles. Do you have young children?

I would probably just say ‘I’m wiping’ rather than add the vulva part, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with knowing the correct words for body parts.

I wouldn’t use tuppence, that’s what I use for kids sometimes when they’re trying to argue with me about something, like ‘you always need to put your tuppence in.’ I’ll stop using it now I think!

No one is weird about saying penis or Willy, so why be weird about vulva?

Willy is a nickname.

Which would suggest people ARE weird about saying Penis.

I’ve never heard a grown man refer to his Penis.

I’ve heard;

Willy
Cock
Johnny Thomas
Dick
Little (name of man)
Little Soldier
Sausage

All sorts of weird shit.

I’ve rarely heard little boys say Penis. It’s almost universally Willy. And Balls or Nuts for Testicles.

So it’s not the feminist issue that some people are making it. It’s a discomfort with genitalia in general when making conversation in public. And even at our most intimate moments.

But we have other names for other body parts that aren’t an issue...

Tummy
Belly
Tummy/Belly Button
Funny Bone
Pinky

I’d be expecting a child who referred to their vulva to also only use abdomen, umbilicus etc. If not why not?

We tend to use girl bits as a coverall but the two yr old knows vulva, labia and penis. She says boobies for breasts. I I’m in favour of teaching proper names but I suppose the slang terms I’m comfortable with tend to slip in too. Tuppence is weird.

As an aside, I worked in paediatric A&E for a bit. At one point I saw a toddler who had inserted a bead in her ‘flower.’ The mum seemed incapable of using a correct anatomical term and kept whispering ‘flower’ at me. Took me ages to work out where the bead was!

The only reason we think that word is disgusting is because it's socially ingrained... But I can bet that many of the people who think it sounds disgusting don't feel so revolted by the similar sounding "Volvo". It's down to what we're taught.

100% this

Your parents need to ask themselves why they have a problem with the correct word for something

And no one on this thread would have a problem with penis, which also says a lot