To teach her the "correct" name for it?

[notyourmummy]

My in-laws were shocked today to overhear my 3yo saying she was just wiping her vulva after she'd been for a wee. They think it's wrong for her to call it that and she should use a more "child friendly" word (tuppence was grandma's suggestion). Now my husband has said that he actually agrees with them and he doesn't think it sounds right her saying vulva.
Background info, I'm a survivor of childhood abuse and, although it wouldn't have made any difference what I'd called anyone's genitals, I think that's had an impact on me wanting my children to know and use the right words for them.
So, YABU - she should use a more "child friendly" word.
YANBU - it's good for her to use the correct name.

1979, not 1970, that was when she was born!

Toddlers often wander into the bathroom and if they ask what you're doing you'd say 'I'm just wiping myself' not 'I'm wiping my vulva' so why would you teach a toddler to say that. It's weird.

@Hangingover

Bum seemed to cover the bases without being too odd

My mum told me tampons go "up your bum" when I was little and asked what they were, because she was embarrassed to think of a word for "vagina".

I worried about it quite a lot until years later when I learnt what they actually were for!

That is hilarious! I can just imagine very young girls trying to insert a tampon up their bum - well actually, no, I can't imagine it. Perish the thought, ouch.

I believe in teaching children the correct anatomical names but most of us have euphemisms for them.

Use whatever term she feels comfortable with. We call the bottom, vulva and breasts ‘private areas’ and have had the chat about privacy etc.
If she wanted more specific terms she could use vulva but I think she likes to keep it more generic at the moment.

@BakedTattie

The whole ‘anatomically correct’ is weird. We don’t call every single part of our body by the technically correct term.

Let kids be kids I say

I mostly do - which other body parts do we call by other names? My elbow is called an elbow, My leg is called A leg My eyes are Called eyes

The only times we use other names is when talking about the parts inside our underwear!

A child saying “He touched my tuppance” is a lot more ambiguous Than the child saying “he touched my vulva/vagina/penis”

"Tuppence" makes me cringe.

I only have a son he's 4 and uses the word penis we haven't had any problems, mostly because he understand that they are private and only need to talk about it if he's hurt or needs help.
Grandparents have found it a bit funny but no arguments,
Have a friend who calls it wee wee for boys and woo woo for girls I detest that 😂

My nine year old calls it her vulva - always has although when she was a toddler it came out as Volvo!

We girls in our house have Foofs! I have no idea why but we do!It is crystal clear to us all if anyone has any issues as to where the issue is! You do what you want OP

I've never heard it called 'tuppence' in my entire life.

OP my dd, who is now 22 was taught bottom and front bottom and we had very open and factual discussions with the children from an early age. If she were a toddler now I absolutely would teach her vulva and vagina.

For those saying vagina is a better word, why would you teach something so incorrect and bizarre? I can't imagine anybody wiping their vagina and to use it to describe the general area is wrong.

For the poster who said "who teaches a 3 year old fucking vulva". Nobody I hope because it isn't a fucking vulva and hopefully most three year olds are less aware of a vulgar Anglo Saxon term for intercourse than they are of the correct anatomical names for body parts.

I'm likely to be the same sort of age as your MIL OP and I think terms such as "tuppence" and "minnie" are from the ark and wouldn't expect my dd to use them or a future SIL.

I am sorry you suffered as a child or young person.

@nanbread

The only reason we think that word is disgusting is because it's socially ingrained... But I can bet that many of the people who think it sounds disgusting don't feel so revolted by the similar sounding "Volvo". It's down to what we're taught.

100% this

Your parents need to ask themselves why they have a problem with the correct word for something

And no one on this thread would have a problem with penis, which also says a lot

I have never known a penis that says a lot. My goodness I learn something new every day on here. ;)

@Luckystar1

We use vagina, which I appreciate is 100% correct, but it’s totally normal here now. No one bats an eyelid. Even when she has said it in front of other adults they look a bit surprised, but I think then realise that she’s actually right!

But I’ve also told mine about how babies are made, sperm and eggs etc, so maybe not everyone would agree with me!

But it's not correct @Luckystart1

TBH when you have had a wee you are not wiping your vagina (as wee doesn't come from there.)

I'm aghast at how many people use vagina when they mean vulva - the woman presenting Naked Attraction used it all the time when guys were looking at women's vulvas.

I don't see the need to use a label when wiping anything really, unless it's your bum and then you'd say bum.

Most people would say they were in the loo, or finishing using the loo.

No problem using real terms but dont think it will make any difference re.sexual abuse cases what the child calls that area.

It actually does make a difference. Sexual abuse, especially if it's historic, is notoriously difficult to prove anyway and it doesn't help when children aren't able to accurately explain where they have/have not been touched. A child saying an adult touched their "flower/fairy/Minnie/noo noo/tuppence" etc isn't clear evidence of anything and can be used by the Defence to plant seeds of doubt. But that's not the only reason that experts in Safeguarding pretty much unanimously recommend that children are taught the correct names for body parts. When I trained as a DSL, we were told there is evidence that when children verbalise the correct terms for their body parts it actually discourages perpetrators from abusing them.

I don't think I actually found my vulva/vagina until I was about 11. I just had a "bum" which covered all areas.
How do you know that they are referring to the right bit? Do you point it out?

I agree in general re "cutesy" names though. Whilst I wouldnt expect the thug who has just punched a policeman to know that his knuckles are actually his metacarpal phalangeal joints, I would (and do) cringe should he say "my pinky is really sore".

Makes me laugh this 'tuppence' thing

My Gran who was born in 1896, used to refer to it as her 'halfpenny' - before decimalisation of course and inflation!

I thought tuppence meant clitoris see I’m confused and I’m an adult!

This reminds me of when a tampon fell out of my pocket and DD’s much older cousin asked what it was and DD said “oh Mummy puts them up her winnie!” And when we taught her the correct word shortly after she went marching round the house shouting “vagina vagina vagina” 😂

I do agree with you though OP, I think kids should know the correct words and no-one should make them ashamed of using them.

Hate all these twee names like "tuppence" - agree that the proper words are best.

@JinglingHellsBells

Makes me laugh this 'tuppence' thing

My Gran who was born in 1896, used to refer to it as her 'halfpenny' - before decimalisation of course and inflation!

@JinglingHellsBells perhaps it should be known as a pound coin now? 😂

I dont understand why so many feel they have to dumb the word down for their children. My daughter has a vulva, so thats what we call it. She is learning, bright and articulate. Why would people treat their children in any other way? Vagina, unless referring to her actual vagina is wrong. Why would anyone use the wrong word on purpose? It just looks uneducated and like you dont know the difference 🤷‍♀️

Very good Jesstan

The poster referring to fucking vulva has reminded me of the small boy sweary phase. My stance was "don't use those words" ad nauseum. DH's was far more effective. "If you have to use those words you will understand exactly what they mean and how to spell them". They wrote a list of the swear words and out came the dictionary. The only word DH struggled with was "bugger". Generally thought to be a mild swear word but with a meaning more concerning than most of the others.

The swearing all but disappeared after that. However it came back to bite me when I told him off for saying the F word aged about 15/16 and he just winked and said "but mum it's only Anglo Saxon for copulation".

@ChangingStates

YANBU - all this not using proper names for genitals perpetuates the idea that there is something shameful or distasteful about those parts of our bodies. An arm is an arm, an ear an ear, a vulva a vulva.

It’s not shameful. A lot of people may be surprised to hear a toddler using that word. I would be I don’t hear many adults referring to their parts as that not even a nurse/DR. In real life.

@Lalliella

Yes!

When I was dating in my teens my Gran used to say 'Keep your hand on your halfpenny' when I went out the door. It really confused me.

@RedHelenB

Children say they have a tummy ache and drs know where they mean. No problem using real terms but dont think it will make any difference re.sexual abuse cases what the child calls that area.

A few posters have explained why it makes a difference to unambiguously, correctly name their body parts in that situation. It's very important sometimes. Ambiguity can be exploited. :(

Whilst in principle i agree with you and i cannot bear cutesty nonsensical names, there are various other words which make it crystal clear which part you are talking about but simplify it a little.
And to me thats not about shaming.
For example, a child isnt going to say my bowels / intestines / appendix hurt, they just say my tummy is hurting.