To teach her the "correct" name for it?

[notyourmummy]

My in-laws were shocked today to overhear my 3yo saying she was just wiping her vulva after she'd been for a wee. They think it's wrong for her to call it that and she should use a more "child friendly" word (tuppence was grandma's suggestion). Now my husband has said that he actually agrees with them and he doesn't think it sounds right her saying vulva.
Background info, I'm a survivor of childhood abuse and, although it wouldn't have made any difference what I'd called anyone's genitals, I think that's had an impact on me wanting my children to know and use the right words for them.
So, YABU - she should use a more "child friendly" word.
YANBU - it's good for her to use the correct name.

@17days

I had never heard of this safeguarding thing but then I had never realised people had so many ambiguous words for it. Isn't there a standard one, like how boys call it a willy. If a boy says "someone touched my willy", it's pretty clear what they mean. In my day the equivalent for girls was fanny and I didn't think there'd be any misunderstanding if a girl talked about her fanny, but maybe I'm just old and nobody calls it that anymore?

Yeah, I thought so, but I've seen people say on MN before that it sounds too "adult" and that "minnie" is more appropriate for a child. I don't think it sounds adult at all - I'd be a little horrified if a sexual partner used it with reference to me. But maybe a generation who used it as children have grown up to use it as adults, and now it seems too adult?? I am not that old, though!

@RosesAndHellebores it's just different opinions, I know I'm being unreasonable. I can't help what makes me cringe, I'm definitely not the only one on this thread feels the same about vulva. Im yet to meet someone irl who calls it this.

[quote addictedtotheflats]@RosesAndHellebores it's just different opinions, I know I'm being unreasonable. I can't help what makes me cringe, I'm definitely not the only one on this thread feels the same about vulva. Im yet to meet someone irl who calls it this. [/quote]
I hear ya

@RosesAndHellebores

Now you see *@addictedtotheflats* being a vag kind of gal makes me cringe a zillion times more.

Vulva - sound it out phonetically and look up the meaning. Vagina - sound it out phonetically and look up the meaning. Virgin - sound it out and look up the meaning. Why would vag and gal be less cringeworthy than the correct Vagina and girl? Or indeed if you are a sexually active woman, is that not better and less reductive than "gal"p?

What exactly is cringeworthy? Would you prefer minge which rhymes with cringe; w'oom instead of woman because it rhymes with womb (sort of). How can you criticise the correct vulva when you truncate the correct terms for a different anatomical part?

I'm not sure that the phonetics or etymology informs how most people feel about any given word. There's not much difference between shit and shot, or cunt and can't, or dick and deck, but in our mother tongue we can't help having an almost visceral reaction to words based on their context and associations.

@formulaquestion

I haven't read the whole thread but please could someone explain something to me ..

A few posters have mentioned that it is important to use the correct word in case of abuse. Why is that?

(I have 2 very young children so am trying to educate myself, I have no experience in this area)

For example, if a child was abused and they told an adult that someone touched their "minnie" , wouldn't that be believed or understood that that's what they are referring too?

Maybe you should rtft as I already explained this.

@RosesAndHellebores

Whilst I prefer the correct words, to be fair if the average infant teacher, social worker, hv, etc, can't work out that Teddy touching a small girl's fairy, flower or minnie is a significant issue then we as a society and the respective training bodies have more to be concerned about than their self declaration of protected characteristics form and 99 page equality and diversity policy. That's what's truly scarey.

Again, as I’ve already posted on this thread, the need for unambiguous disclosure is linked to providing clear evidence in the courts that is not easily challenged in terms of reasonable doubt.

Of course when I interviewed that five year old who told me the perpetrator had touched her minnie I knew what she meant. I knew she’d been abused. But without clarity, the CPS might’ve decided that the evidence was not strong enough to ensure a conviction, or a defence lawyer might’ve used it to introduce reasonable doubt. As has happened before.

I'd find it odd to hear a 3 year old say theyre urinating or defecating rather than theyre weeing or pooing. Its a similar thing.

@Spidey66

I'd find it odd to hear a 3 year old say theyre urinating or defecating rather than theyre weeing or pooing. Its a similar thing.

It really isn’t in any way the same thing. Weeing and pooing are used on the NHS website as they are very clearly the same as urinating and defecating. ‘Cookie’ and ‘tuppence’ and the other hideous names we teach girls their vulvas are called are not used because they’re ridiculous.

Still baffled by the amount of professionals who have worked with abused children who say that children should learn the correct words, and other people who claim vulva is gross and that they’d be horrified to hear a child use it.

“wee” and “poo” are in the dictionary as informal words for urinating and defecating. The only reference I can find to “minnie” says it’s informal Scottish for mother. Of course it’s not a similar thing.

So is there no informal word for girls' privates that appears in the dictionary? Because I just checked and "willy" is in there and seems fine to me. I would hope everyone knows what a boy's willy is. Isn't there an equivalent for girls??

@17days

So is there no informal word for girls' privates that appears in the dictionary? Because I just checked and "willy" is in there and seems fine to me. I would hope everyone knows what a boy's willy is. Isn't there an equivalent for girls??

No, there's no equivalent for girls. Informal ones are either crude eg fanny or sexual eg pussy Offensive - cunt Or so random they're not widely known - tuppence, fairy, mary, cookie, nunny, foofoo, minnie

And of course the actual name for it is vulgar, embarassing, cringey, ugly etc

@FenellaVelour oh great, thanks , I will

@17days

So is there no informal word for girls' privates that appears in the dictionary? Because I just checked and "willy" is in there and seems fine to me. I would hope everyone knows what a boy's willy is. Isn't there an equivalent for girls??

No there's not and I really resent it. I wish as much as Willy and bum are pretty widely accepted, I wish there was one word for the vulva that girls could use rather than using regional nonsense words or completely anatomically correct words.

Growler always worked well for my family.

@Spidey66

I'd find it odd to hear a 3 year old say theyre urinating or defecating rather than theyre weeing or pooing. Its a similar thing.

I would too but I guess with willies or bottoms it is different. Wees and poos unlikely to be a safeguarding issue like private parts are

I have a minge but if I had to go to the doctor about any part of my minge (perish the thought), I would call it vulva or if it was the hole in the middle, vagina, if it was from where I pee, urethra.

PS My arsehole is not part of my minge and if I had a problem with that I would say anus.

I honestly cannot imagine having to go to the doctor with a clitoris problem - do people?

Penis isn't such a bad word but vulva is terrible

Who defined this? The patriarchy? They are words, just words, neutral words. I made sure my daughter knew the correct terms from five for primarily safeguarding reasons as my family is rife with sexual abuse.