Daughter has broken lockdown rules and meant to come to my house for Christmas.

[concernedmother52]

My daughter is a 28 year old single mum, she's 3rd year uni which is all online and is thoroughly fed up with lockdown (aren't we all!?)

We live in Scotland, tier 3 currently, tier 4 after Christmas. The plan for Christmas Day was that my daughter and granddaughter would join us for the day.

However, she has just openly admitted to me that her friend who lives in London who travelled from there to spend Christmas Day with his folks has been staying at her house the past two nights.

I am livid because London is very bad with the virus at the moment and all the transport her friend has been on!

She claims she is no longer letting the government control how she lives her life and that during the first lockdown her mental health took a dip (which I am aware of). She is struggling with online learning and not having much social interaction. She claims that it is her own risk whether she catches the virus.

I said I would need to have a word with my husband before deciding if she can come on Christmas Day, she hung up on me.

I'm so mad because it means missing out on our granddaughter as well and she will have nothing in the house organised for a Christmas Day meal and it makes me sad thinking of her and her daughter in the house just having a normal lunch/dinner.

AIBU if I let her come to our house?

If some foolish person decides to take a risk with their own health, that's up to them. But to then thrust their choice and their risk onto other people, that's not acceptable. It's thoughtless and selfish.
I would be saying sorry, keep your unsafe behaviour to yourself.

[quote Maldives2006]@RedHelenB I had covid the beginning of November and I’ve been left on heart medication with no idea of the residual damage. There are a lot of people who’ve been left damaged or with long covid who are not part of any reported groups. Also 70 000 people have died and not all of these people are vulnerable.

The ops daughter has been massively unreasonable and maybe should visit an adult itu!! Therefore the op is not being unreasonable in considering not allowing her daughter to visit tomorrow.[/quote]
This.

Honestly, I think those of us who have lost friends or relatives to this, who know people in ICU or with long covid are shocked at the wilful ignorance and selfishness of many posters.

No, it's not a small risk, no it's not worth taking.

Risk assessments always involve a combination of probability and consequences. Even when the probability of something is low, if the consequences are severe then you take mitigating action.

Home swimming pools in Australia now all have fences around them to stop accidental child drownings. Did every unsupervised child drown? Did a majority? No, but the legislation restricted people's freedom to have a beautiful unfenced pool area in order to save lives.

COVID kills and causes serious long term illness in a very significant number of people. I still think the OP should have said "no" to Xmas day.

@dinglethedragon and what about those who have lost loved ones that don't have covid but quite clearly linked? Because so far in my family it's 3 and a friend who lost her best friend at age 34 with two daughters to cancer because treatments had stopped and a major op was cancelled?

I think people have gone collectively insane and only time will show people how foolish this whole thing is when they too are losing loved ones because of unrelated illnesses that haven't been diagnosed because the nhs is now solely dedicated to covid...

[quote Allispretty]@dinglethedragon and what about those who have lost loved ones that don't have covid but quite clearly linked? Because so far in my family it's 3 and a friend who lost her best friend at age 34 with two daughters to cancer because treatments had stopped and a major op was cancelled?

I think people have gone collectively insane and only time will show people how foolish this whole thing is when they too are losing loved ones because of unrelated illnesses that haven't been diagnosed because the nhs is now solely dedicated to covid...[/quote]
Which is exactly why people need to stick to the bloody rules. The only way to get out of this is to stop transmission of the virus.

Not mixing with others, limiting social interaction is the simplest, most effective, way to stop it. Add the vaccine into the mix and we can get on top of it.

I know someone who has been having chemo throughout the pandemic - breast cancer. The oncology team isolated themselves so that they could continue to keep their unit open because COVID in an imunocompromised patient would be deadly.

It's not either / or. It's about trying to assess and mitigate risk. The OPs dd was, IMO, reckless and wrong.