Daughter has broken lockdown rules and meant to come to my house for Christmas.

[concernedmother52]

My daughter is a 28 year old single mum, she's 3rd year uni which is all online and is thoroughly fed up with lockdown (aren't we all!?)

We live in Scotland, tier 3 currently, tier 4 after Christmas. The plan for Christmas Day was that my daughter and granddaughter would join us for the day.

However, she has just openly admitted to me that her friend who lives in London who travelled from there to spend Christmas Day with his folks has been staying at her house the past two nights.

I am livid because London is very bad with the virus at the moment and all the transport her friend has been on!

She claims she is no longer letting the government control how she lives her life and that during the first lockdown her mental health took a dip (which I am aware of). She is struggling with online learning and not having much social interaction. She claims that it is her own risk whether she catches the virus.

I said I would need to have a word with my husband before deciding if she can come on Christmas Day, she hung up on me.

I'm so mad because it means missing out on our granddaughter as well and she will have nothing in the house organised for a Christmas Day meal and it makes me sad thinking of her and her daughter in the house just having a normal lunch/dinner.

AIBU if I let her come to our house?

@whereisthelove101

Don't worry about isolating either OP. Your daughter more than likely doesn't have it.

Why would the OP isolate if she hasn't been in contact with someone with Covid?

Her daughter could be asymptomatic. She has placed herself in a situation where she's at increased risk of having contracted it.

If the OP wants to put herself at risk that's her call but she has a responsibility to mitigate any risk to others.

@ilovesooty everyone everywhere could be asymptomatic. That means every single teacher, nhs worker, child/teenager that has attended school must all self isolate. No, you self isolate if you have symptoms or have been around someone who has tested positive for Covid. Her daughter has no symptoms (I am assuming) and has not tested positive for Covid therefore, unless after spending Christmas Day with her and developing symptoms herself or her daughter testing positive, the OP does not have to isolate.

Unfortunately for her she doesn't get to make risk choices for the rest of the family. I wouldn't be letting her into my home on Xmas Day, for certain.

She's been awfully foolish, there. I kinda hope both she and her friend (and every other selfish arse who's moving between tier areas & doing as they please as if they're better than the rest of us who are meking daily sacrifices) get a hefty fine and if it were up to me they'd get a criminal record too. At this point people who just will not do as they are told are helping to keep us all in lockdown and it's just not OK.

You will most likely survive covid. But will your relationship with daughter survive? And if she actually gets mental health problems already you only going to make it worse. Rules are there but you need to think critically. Every time you cross the road or drive you have a small possibility of accident. But you don’t stop going out because of this.

@concernedmother52

She didn't consider us at all and has frequently called me a 'sheep' for following guidelines. Easy for her to say being 28 and healthy with no underlying health conditions but doesn't seem to think about others that aren't in that fortunate position.

Really not sure what to do, neither me nor my husband is vulnerable and I don't want to miss out on Christmas with my granddaughter etc. She's 7 so at that lovely age where Christmas is still magical.

However, I don't agree with my daughters actions and want her to consider others and feel by just ignoring it will be condoning her behaviour.

@oblada that's a good idea, though don't you have to be having symptoms to get the test? And would it be likely results would be back for Christmas if she got a test tomorrow? Is there an option to pay if you aren't showing symptoms?

She is ridiculing you. Can't tell you what to do but I would be livid if my DD did this.

There are 9 million people living in London.

As of December 22nd, 37k have contracted coronavirus

OP - you had your twenties without a year of restrictions. I think you could try to be a little more understanding.

You should be pleased you have brought up a daughter who can think for herself and who is independent.

[quote whereisthelove101]@ilovesooty everyone everywhere could be asymptomatic. That means every single teacher, nhs worker, child/teenager that has attended school must all self isolate. No, you self isolate if you have symptoms or have been around someone who has tested positive for Covid. Her daughter has no symptoms (I am assuming) and has not tested positive for Covid therefore, unless after spending Christmas Day with her and developing symptoms herself or her daughter testing positive, the OP does not have to isolate. [/quote]
Going about doing your job is unavoidable. You have a choice when making a decision to have contact with someone who's breached the rules about mixing and chosen to put others at increased risk. It's my opinion that you should then mitigate any possible risk to others.

Please make her test before she comes. Everyone who may have come into contact should be tested it's the only way to know. Ridiculous you need to lie about symptoms before you can get a test in the UK, but needs must.

@whereisthelove101

She's made her decision (the right one in my opinion) so why are people still droning on? Yes there's a risk of Covid but there's also a risk of her daughter dying due to mental health issues so...her daughter has clearly told the OP she is struggling mentally. OP made the right decision allowing her daughter to still come.

Oh the irony

@Shaniac

Sorry but you are aware your daughters been struggling with her mental health so has had one friend stay and has followed all the other rules and you want to deny her and your granddaughter a family christmas to teach her a lesson?

Fucking wow.

Agree I dare say she isn't going around hugging random people, licking handrails or whatever The risk is small, you can take precautions on the day and still see her. And yet you want to punish her for taking care of her mental health, which you admit has suffered and is an issue for her.

Going against the grain, but YABU.

I agree with her.

I can't believe you're considering missing out on spending Christmas with your DGC, just to prove a point.

I'm with her on not following the rules. It's up to her whether she follows them and it's up to you whether you let her round for Xmas or not.

Please tell your daughter that there are more than 55000 'sheep' who will be missing from the flock this year! I live in Kent and just this week have heard of 15 of my friends and family that gave covid19 including a support worker who lost her life ( aged 58) A friend who has 6 members of her family with it ( incl2 high risk vulnerable) a family member who works in ICU so very protected has covid and another carer rang me yesterday, a young fit non smoker who's cough gave me chills ( he could barely breath) YANBU the risk is real and your DD is behaving very irresponsibly

"Her daughter could be asymptomatic. She has placed herself in a situation where she's at increased risk of having contracted it."

So you're isolating for 10 day every time you goto the shop are you?

You don’t sound like a concerned mother.
Your poor daughter. Alone for almost a year and has one friend stay and you cut her off. Millions of people in London are COVID free.

@Sinful8

"Her daughter could be asymptomatic. She has placed herself in a situation where she's at increased risk of having contracted it."

So you're isolating for 10 day every time you goto the shop are you?

Everyday life interaction is one thing. Knowingly associating with someone breaking the tier rules is another.

My DD arrived home from London at the weekend. We are not treating her like a leper and my 80yo DM is still coming on Christmas Day. We know the risks and will mitigate them as best we can. I would still allow your DD to come for Christmas Day. I think the risks are very small.

Where are you OP? Can she not get a rapid test done as they’re all over the country now? For assymptomatic people with no symptoms. Result in 45 minutes. Just to be doubley sure that’s what I’d do (and have done)

I have no comment on whether people should or shouldn’t follow rules.

However I did pick up on that you only live 15 mins away. Your daughter has told you that she is struggling with her mental health, struggling with uni and feels of isolation and you haven’t as yet support bubbled with her?

I had to send my daughter to my parents (260 miles away) during the first lockdown so I could work, so I would go for periods of 3 days with zero ‘real life’ interaction for other people when I wasn’t at work, it can be crippling.

I’m not surprised she thought ‘fuck it’ just to have a friend over for a few days if she has been primarily without adult company since March this year. That’s heart breaking,

@Annoymou5e

I have no comment on whether people should or shouldn’t follow rules.

However I did pick up on that you only live 15 mins away. Your daughter has told you that she is struggling with her mental health, struggling with uni and feels of isolation and you haven’t as yet support bubbled with her?

I had to send my daughter to my parents (260 miles away) during the first lockdown so I could work, so I would go for periods of 3 days with zero ‘real life’ interaction for other people when I wasn’t at work, it can be crippling.

I’m not surprised she thought ‘fuck it’ just to have a friend over for a few days if she has been primarily without adult company since March this year. That’s heart breaking,

Excuse the typos! Long night

Your daughter has acted irresponsibly, of course your daughter can do see friends if she likes but not at the expense of her parents at Christmas.
I am in a situation where we have been very careful, food shop delivered, work from home, taken LO out of nursery, taken covid tests so we can see my vulnerable mum at Christmas because its the right and sensible thing to do.
Its not about cutting your daughter off because she's broken the rules or teaching her a lesson, she has not taken a responsible approach to Christmas, she could have seen her friend after Xmas only putting herself and daughter at risk.

I am burying my mum today Christmas Eve after she contracted Covid 19 in hospital while there for something else. It’s very real & I sat with her for 2wks watching her suffer. I have had tests just to make sure I am safe to go to her funeral, but we aren’t even having the allowed 20 , to try to keep everyone safe. I will be spending Christmas alone due to wanting to keep people safe & not put my kids & grandkids at any risk. All those that are saying op is wrong for being worried, I hope you never have to experience the horror of watching someone you love pass from this.

I’ve got a friend and her family have all been ignoring the rules and just getting together inside the house whenever, having a jolly good time, good for them and BAM now one of them has tested positive and they’re all at risk and their grand Xmas day get together plan is fucked so you reap what you sew. Your daughter sounds like a tantrumming bully. She should have thought of you rather than herself. I’d not let her come, not because of Covid but to make the point to Little Miss Madam, that her actions have consequences and she’d best get herself to the shops. Stop pandering to her.

@Knittinglikemad so sorry for your loss