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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just found out DP has secret savings

356 replies

Whatisthis543 · 22/12/2020 21:58

Just found out my DP has 60k hidden away in ISAs that I had no idea about. Only found out as I was looking for the Homeserve paperwork and went into his paperwork stash to find it. Found a letter from an ISS company with a balance of 63k!!!! What would you do now?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 22/12/2020 21:59

Take a photo of it.

WhenPushComesToShove · 22/12/2020 22:00

Have you been married long?

LightDrizzle · 22/12/2020 22:00

I’d say: “I didn’t know we had 63K in an ISA?!!” - and see what he says.

Somethingkindaoooo · 22/12/2020 22:01

Does he know you know?

RandomGirl · 22/12/2020 22:02

@LightDrizzle yes, totally agree with you!

Boulshired · 22/12/2020 22:03

It depends on your all round finances and your agreements regarding money. I know my DP had savings before we met, but we share all joined finances since we decided to have children. His money before we met is his business.

Original poster
Whatisthis543 · 22/12/2020 22:04

@LightDrizzle yes I will ask him but it’s just strange isn’t it! We both earn a decent salary and pay into pensions but this isn’t a pension (which i would be fine with) but 3 years of ISAs

OP posts:
Burnthurst187 · 22/12/2020 22:04

Nothing

Divebar · 22/12/2020 22:04

Well that’s a little more than a “ running away” account. What’s he like generally with money?

Thehop · 22/12/2020 22:05

Are you married?

Tohaveandtohold · 22/12/2020 22:06

You said Dp so I’m assuming you’re not married so how long have you been together? Do you share finances normally. Because all these will need to be factored in before concluding if yabu or not.

MaverickDanger · 22/12/2020 22:06

How long have you been together and what shared finances/ties do you have?

Until we got married and bought a house, DH didnt really know what I had saved.

HerMammy · 22/12/2020 22:06

How long have you been together? mortgage? kids? how is he with money?
All relevant.

LexMitior · 22/12/2020 22:07

Nothing if you aren’t married; you have no claim on it in law

lachy · 22/12/2020 22:07

How long have you been together?

Do you live together with a mortgage on a property?

Original poster
Whatisthis543 · 22/12/2020 22:08

I guess we have our own finances to an extent. We pay the bills including mortgage jointly, and both have our own spends and some separate savings. Not married but engaged, been together 3 years. Maybe I am being unreasonable but it’s not a small amount and sort of feel like I wouldn’t have minded knowing.

OP posts:
TomasinaTiers · 22/12/2020 22:09

Depends if you are married?

I did not give DP full info on my finances until we married Grin

Bagelsandbrie · 22/12/2020 22:09

Take a photo and then ask him what he’s been saving for. I’d be very direct about it.

Scottishskifun · 22/12/2020 22:09

I have no idea what savings my DH has about 4 different saving pots from stocks and shares to ISA and saving accounts. He also set 2 up for our son.

He knows I have 2 and 1 for our son. We only really discuss what's in the savings pot if we have something big to sort as otherwise we just individually save. We have very different approaches to savings and risk.

It doesn't cause any issues we make sure it's equal if there is a big thing to pay for

Shaniac · 22/12/2020 22:09

Why would you say anything? Its his money he is entitled to keep it private. I have a small savings account my dp will never be allowed access to. I get its a massive amount of money but as long as he contributes to the household stuff he can have savings. Unless this is one of them usual mn sexist things. Women are always advised to have secret savings yet when a man does he should hand it over immediately.

Iwonder777 · 22/12/2020 22:09

That's crazy.

Id be proper pissed

Original poster
Whatisthis543 · 22/12/2020 22:09

I guess it’s his money but just think it’s a bit of a secret stash that would have alleviated worries when he was furloughed earlier this year

OP posts:
TomasinaTiers · 22/12/2020 22:10

Just see you’re engaged

Do you feel he should share it with you? How much do you have in savings/debt

PurpleDaisies · 22/12/2020 22:10

Have you had a conversation where you’ve supposedly laid all your finances open and he hid it? Or has it just not come up?

SimplyRadishing · 22/12/2020 22:10

Do you have children together?
I would definitely ask about this