Just found out DP has secret savings

[Whatisthis543]

Just found out my DP has 60k hidden away in ISAs that I had no idea about. Only found out as I was looking for the Homeserve paperwork and went into his paperwork stash to find it. Found a letter from an ISS company with a balance of 63k!!!! What would you do now?

Unless you have had an actual sit-down where you were both supposed to disclose financials, then you haven't a leg to stand on. It would have been nice for him to tell you, but he is certainly not under any obligation to do so.

If you haven't had that discussion, depending on when you plan to marry, you might bring it up in a general way. I wouldn't worry overly much unless and until you DO have an actual Financial Summit, and he keeps it secret.

60k doesn’t really count as assets.

If it's an inheritance which he has no intention of spending, then why should he mention it?

He may have put it away not to be touched until retirement, so it doesn't figure in his day to day finances. That's certainly how I looked at my long term savings. I had no intention of ever dipping into them, and even if I'd hit a period where money became tight, I wouldn't think of my long term savings as a way out. I'd just tighten my belt. Presumably, that's how he responded to furlough.

As long as he meets his half of the day to day costs, he's doing nothing wrong. It's not like he's got you both into debt while having a secret stash.

You're not married and it has nothing to do with you. You may well be surprised but it's his business.

I wouldn't say anything about the money, it's private money, and your partners business.

I've made the mistake of being honest about savings with exes. It was like they suddenly changed into, "ok, what can I get out of this?"
As long as you're not subbing him, his savings are none of your business.

Have you ever asked him if he has any savings? I would disclose if never asked. But anyway its his money so you do nothing he's paying his way and thats all that matters. Might be saving for your dream wedding never know.

I have savings my partner doesn't know about but the reason he doesn't know is he's absolutely terrible with money and has no idea how to budget. We split all household bills down the middle (I manage all the bills) even though he earns around £10,000 a year more than me and he still manages to never have any money and constantly borrows off me for his travel expenses to get to work because his wages are gone within a couple of days of getting them and then he has none left for essentials. If he knew I had it, he would have spent it by now and I am saving up for a new car. Mind you it's only £7k so no where near the £60k

Not married then not your business.

I also think that if when he was furloughed it was very stressful because of lack of funds and you both were worried then I’d be pretty miffed.

Otherwise at this stage it’s his private business. It would bother me though, especially if I’d had conversations with him about money/joint plans involving large sums of money. My ex hid a large sum from his ex wife so he didn’t have to pay her so much if they ever split up, they had kids and I thought that was pretty shitty of him.

Although yes, if he was complaining and paying less on furlough but had £60k I'd be pissed off about that

I mean who asks their DP if they have £££ saved away from the household finances

Any normal person when they have the finance chat before moving in.

What would you do now?

I have a partner, so I would speak to her.

Is there someone like that you are close to, who might be more familiar with his thought process than strangers on the internet?

He probably was worried if he was furloughed- some people who save a lot don’t see their savings as available money.

They tend to live to their budget each month and if they don’t have enough money to buy something that month then they go without or save separately for it.

I can understand him not saying the amounts etc as you’re not married and do not have children. I wouldn’t disclose my full financial situation if I were him either.

But, if I was furloughed I would reassure my partner that I had enough money to get by for a while as I wouldn’t want them to worry.

Do you think differently of him for not telling you? I don't see he has done anything wrong. Maybe he inherited the money.

I think it depends on a lot of things, the main one being when he saved it and where the money came from to save. If it was solely from his income YABU, if it was partly your income, of course YANBU.
How long have you been together?

I have just over this amount. My partner doesn't know and as we are not married (and don't have kids) I don't think its any of his business.

Do you not talk between you about putting money in ISAs each year? It’s sensible to look each year at whether you have any money that could be put into one, to make the most of the allowance.

What I'd do now is see whether he's willing to marry without a prenup.

If you haven't had concerns about money worries and you don't have kids, I can see why you're a bit taken aback, but hope that money would be there if you needed it.

What I would say is that if you're hoping to have kids at some point, you should maybe be talking about your plans in relation to that. I think being able to save some money before you start having kids is really good, if you both agree about how you cover the costs of childcare, as if you're not spending all you earn now, it will make it easier to adjust to the shock of having kids.

I would ignore the taking of photographs, I would not be trusting anyone who decided to take evidence of my assets

Absolutely! I comes across as sneaky.

It

[quote Whatisthis543]@LightDrizzle yes I will ask him but it’s just strange isn’t it! We both earn a decent salary and pay into pensions but this isn’t a pension (which i would be fine with) but 3 years of ISAs[/quote]
How convenient he has the maximum deposit amount for each of the 3 years you've seen the ISAs covering.

He must be earning a walking salary if he can afford to squirrel so effectively.

As for your question - just bloody well ask him!

I don't get how people nowadays don't just ask outright. I'd just ask him if it was it a surprise for me and sorry if I fucked it up by being a nosy twat. Dare ya, go for it. Come back and play the covert voice recording of the conversation to us, jobs a good'un, sorted.

Have fun whilst you appear to have the upper hand.

I don't think anyone else can really say whether or not he's done anything wrong, because we aren't in your relationship. Each relationship has it's own set of rules regarding money.

Surely you two must have talked about finances at some point, if you're planning on getting married soon? If you haven't then you need to sit down and have that conversation as soon as possible. You need to decide how stuff like this is going to work in your marriage. Not talking about it is the worst thing you can do.

In my marriage this would be considered a huge betrayal. We are always totally transparent with money and we share everything. Some people think this is crazy, but it works for us. The key point is that we discussed it and decided between us that we wanted to share everything. So, if I found out my husband had 60k hidden away, that would be a huge betrayal of trust, because we've explicitly agreed not to do things like that.

In your case, if you haven't talked about money before, and you haven't agreed that you have to tell each other about these sorts of things, then I don't think you have a leg to stand on.

Bottom line here is that you need to sit down and talk about money before you get married. It's essential.

Isn't this the number 1 peice of advice given on here?

Have independent savina

I have a six figure sum in savings which only my brother knows about. It's not something I broadcast to friends, and it's not something I'd mention to a partner, since it nobody else's business.