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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with rule breakers not taking to me

230 replies

Peahead10 · 22/12/2020 00:21

I'm in Glasgow. On Friday my friend (also in Glasgow) got the train to London and brought her 85 year old mother back with her for a 4 week visit. She missed her as have seen her for 3 months so in her eyes it's totally justifiable,. I miss my parents as do millions of others but for the good of the bigger picture and not being selfish bastards we don't all go and visit them and being them across the UK especially when we know not to travel. Shouldn't have left Glasgow area at all and only just did it before it became illegal. Group of friends now not talking to me as they think I'm the selfish one for not understanding she was missing her mum. I'm missing my mum but not seen her for 9 months so far. I'm so upset and just wondering if I'm being wrong. Know people need to do what works for them but surely this is too far?

OP posts:
ForestNymph · 22/12/2020 00:38

My opinions are different to yours but regardless of whether we are pro or against lockdown I think we have to understand that these things affect us all in various ways and to keep out of others business. Just focus on doing what you think is right and forget about whatever anyone else is doing.

ChestnutStuffing · 22/12/2020 00:41

I think if she brought her mum back for that long maybe there was more going on than just missing each other. 85 is not a good age for many people to be alone so far from family for so long.

HeddaGarbled · 22/12/2020 00:46

It’s cruel to leave an 85 year old woman on her own over Christmas. Your friend has done the right thing.

You say ‘parents’ plural, so I assume they are together. That is a completely different situation.

Original poster
Peahead10 · 22/12/2020 00:46

Chestnut, she said it's just they've never had a Christmas apart and didn't see why lockdown to stop them. Although older she still lives independently alone, drives and totally mentally well.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 22/12/2020 00:49

Plus, if you were missing your mum that much, there were opportunities to see her in the last 9 months.

ChestnutStuffing · 22/12/2020 00:49

@Peahead10

Chestnut, she said it's just they've never had a Christmas apart and didn't see why lockdown to stop them. Although older she still lives independently alone, drives and totally mentally well.
Yes. That's less justifiable. But I don't know that I would leave my elderly mum by herself at Christmas either. I'd be careful about isolating after that trip though.
Original poster
Peahead10 · 22/12/2020 00:51

Hedda, no my parents are split but I miss them both and can't be with either. They are 85 and 75. I don't understand why it's cruel to leave her mum but not the millions of others. It's awful for everyone but if we all do what she's done we'll never move forward. Not meaning to cause a row I just genuinely find it so hard to understand how someone can so blatantly have such disregard for everyone else trying their best and giving up the ones they love, and just don't their own thing cause they want to.

OP posts:
Original poster
Peahead10 · 22/12/2020 00:52

Doing their own thing not don't

OP posts:
GreenlandTheMovie · 22/12/2020 00:52

I think a lot of people don't respect the lockdown because it represents such a long term breach of the most basic human rights. The views you read in places like mumsnet are not representative.

Original poster
Peahead10 · 22/12/2020 00:56

Also put her at huge risk on the very long train journey from London to Glasgow. Not had chance to see my mum sadly Hedda as I work in a Dr's surgery so been staying away from her, she's also in another health board so not been allowed to cross the border for months now. Dad overseas.

Chestnut, they aren't isolating, saw them out this morning 😔

OP posts:
Hathertonhariden · 22/12/2020 00:57

If she is in a support bubble with her DM and she is concerned about her welfare it's not illegal to do that.

MissEliza · 22/12/2020 00:59

Your friend isn't a rule breaker if her dm is part of her support bubble. You must have a really miserable life to care so much xx

Original poster
Peahead10 · 22/12/2020 01:00

They live about 400miles from each other and both been in support bubbles with other local people to them for months. Since last week are now each others bubble so theyve changed it

OP posts:
HollaHolla · 22/12/2020 01:01

I’m a 44 year old woman who has been largely alone since March. No-one in my home since then. Into my folks’ house 4 or 5 times (when it was allowed). As my dad is having a operation on 28 Dec, he’s isolating; and my siblings and their families live overseas/in England (we’re in Scotland). I’ll spend Xmas totally alone. Is that cruel and inhumante? I’m starting to get a bit annoyed with this narrative of older people alone. I’m not denying that, but they’re not the only ones.

Original poster
Peahead10 · 22/12/2020 01:03

MissEliza, I work in NHS and see daily how this disease affects people. Not a sad life. If we all ignore the rules and make up our own to suit us this virus will never leave. I think it's sadder to not care and just let ppl do what they want. I'm also worried for her mum who's been put at risk on a 7hr train journey.

OP posts:
Original poster
Peahead10 · 22/12/2020 01:05

Hollaholla, exactly. Everyone matters, regardless of age. No more cruel as precious poster said to leave an oap alone as it would be yourself or someone who was 21. I hope you are alright.

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 22/12/2020 01:08

But you yourself she went down and collected her whilst she was allowed to. so she hasn't broken any rules.

wellthatsunusual · 22/12/2020 01:17

@Peahead10

Hollaholla, exactly. Everyone matters, regardless of age. No more cruel as precious poster said to leave an oap alone as it would be yourself or someone who was 21. I hope you are alright.
I'm not suggesting that it's fine for 21 year olds to be alone for months on end, clearly it isn't. But you must see the difference surely? At 21 or even at 50 or 60, you can realistically expect that this is a temporary blip in your life. At 85 or 90 you could quite conceivably be sitting at home alone with a realistic possibility that you might not live long enough to ever see your family again. That's a whole other level of loneliness to deal with.
lljkk · 22/12/2020 01:18

You should tell your friend how much you disapprove. Then your friend will stop telling you what she does, you will stop being friends, & you'll both be happier not knowing about each other's lives. Win Win.

AcornAutumn · 22/12/2020 01:31

@Peahead10

MissEliza, I work in NHS and see daily how this disease affects people. Not a sad life. If we all ignore the rules and make up our own to suit us this virus will never leave. I think it's sadder to not care and just let ppl do what they want. I'm also worried for her mum who's been put at risk on a 7hr train journey.
The mum agreed to the journey or are you going to say she was bullied now?

Ffs. And I agree with the poster who said at 85, the prospect of never seeing loved ones again is worse than at a younger age.

AcornAutumn · 22/12/2020 01:32

@GreenlandTheMovie

I think a lot of people don't respect the lockdown because it represents such a long term breach of the most basic human rights. The views you read in places like mumsnet are not representative.
I really hope you are right.
ChestnutStuffing · 22/12/2020 01:40

@Peahead10

Hedda, no my parents are split but I miss them both and can't be with either. They are 85 and 75. I don't understand why it's cruel to leave her mum but not the millions of others. It's awful for everyone but if we all do what she's done we'll never move forward. Not meaning to cause a row I just genuinely find it so hard to understand how someone can so blatantly have such disregard for everyone else trying their best and giving up the ones they love, and just don't their own thing cause they want to.
It is cruel to leave so many others. Not just her mum.

I live in a place where assisted death is now legal. There was a story in the paper the other day about a women who had such a bad time in the first lockdown that when it looked like the second was coming, she applied for assisted death, and was accepted and was killed at her request.

She had been living in a care home so locked in and unable to go about her normal active life, and her health had deteriorated as a result. But she was clear that her decision was about avoiding being shut in again.

For elderly people, they have been asked to severely curtail their activities, not see people, for what may be a significant portion of their remaining life, or remaining good years.

While you might not agree with where they feel the balance lies, I think it's pretty easy to understand why people may come to the conclusion that what is being asked of them is not legitimately asked of anyone.

Justa47 · 22/12/2020 01:41

OP

Take ten days to change bubbles
They should be local
She is taking the piss and this is why the country is in an utter mess

yoyo1234 · 22/12/2020 01:41

YANBU

yoyo1234 · 22/12/2020 01:45

As above poster said:
Take ten days to change bubbles
They should be local
She is taking the piss and this is why the country is in an utter mess"

Also hasn't Glasgow been tier 3 for ages so shouldn't travel out of it ( Take ten days to change bubbles
They should be local
She is taking the piss and this is why the country is in an utter mess

Also hasn't Glasgow been tier 3 or ages so shouldn't travel out of it ( unless for certain reasons).

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