To be annoyed with rule breakers not taking to me

[Peahead10]

I'm in Glasgow. On Friday my friend (also in Glasgow) got the train to London and brought her 85 year old mother back with her for a 4 week visit. She missed her as have seen her for 3 months so in her eyes it's totally justifiable,. I miss my parents as do millions of others but for the good of the bigger picture and not being selfish bastards we don't all go and visit them and being them across the UK especially when we know not to travel. Shouldn't have left Glasgow area at all and only just did it before it became illegal. Group of friends now not talking to me as they think I'm the selfish one for not understanding she was missing her mum. I'm missing my mum but not seen her for 9 months so far. I'm so upset and just wondering if I'm being wrong. Know people need to do what works for them but surely this is too far?

I would have totally done what your friend did and tbh WILL BE DOING WHAT YOUR FRIEND HAS DONE! My 87yo grandmother will be coming to me on Xmas for dinner. I’m just outside Glasgow so in the same restrictions as you and I don’t give a flying f*€k about what anyone has got to say about it tbh. This could be her last Xmas, in fact I know it’s going to be she also has cancer all over her body so I think she may be lucky to see March and to be frank, I don’t care if you think I’m a selfish bastard like a pp has said I’ve also had enough of people like you with your high and mighty attitudes! It’s been YOUR choice not to see your mum you could back in the summer but you didn’t want too that’s not your friends fault! I think in future you should keep your opinions to yourself unless asked.

@Peahead10
Sorry you’re getting such a hard time op. Totally with you.
The people who are saying “ oh it’s Christmas “ “it’s her right” will be moaning when the whole bloody country is in tier bloody 22 because nobody is following the rules.

Yes it’s hard. But it’s even harder because idiots bend the rules to suit themselves.

I think it’s such a shame that that whole ‘be kind’ stuff has been so misused on other issues that it’s now a risible suggestion, when it would be most appropriate.

It’s a very human decision your friend and her mother have made.
It’s a very big sacrifice you and your parents have made.
I don’t think it’s helpful to take the hurt of your sacrifices out on other people.
I think the damage of being sanctimonious and callous is not negligible, and just like actions which increased social covid risk, the impact of behaving like that will still be here when the pandemic is over.

People just don't care and complelty unwilling to accept restirictions .
Then justify it to themselves why they have done it.

Irrespective of rules in a pandemic to go on a train for 7hrs from different regions is totally irresponible .
The thread and supportive replies saying nothing wrong and they would do it .
Highlights beautifully how selfish and entitled we are and why we are totally fucked as a country against covid.

You chose to risk a friendship by judging her. She can choose who she’s friends with. You may think it’s unfair but it takes 2 to be friends and she’s chosen to cut you out as a result of your actions. If you don’t want it happening again think more carefully about the impact ‘just saying’ has on people. It hurts to be judged. She thinks you were mean and rude. Maybe try saying sorry as you’ve hurt her if you want her friendship back. If you don’t then you didn’t value her more than your sense of being right.

By the way I think you’re very wrong to judge someone for supporting their mum.

I don’t understand this either. She did it before the rules changed. Are they both single? You can change your support bubble if you need to, it’s not one for as long as this lasts.

Are you saying your views are so extreme, that even complying with the rules isn’t enough for you? She needs to go further?

Bottom line is I think uou need to stop judging other people and getting all up in their business.

We are not staying at home to beat the virus we are staying at home to save the NHS.
You do know that the virus will never completely go away, even with a vaccine some people will die from it.
She’s 85 however well she appears, realistically she hasn’t got many years left. So you do what you think is best for your family and if you feel terribly worried about catching the virus just isolate yourself.

These horrible people, helping and caring for their elderly mothers. They are a true scourge on the world.

The people who are saying “ oh it’s Christmas “ “it’s her right” will be moaning when the whole bloody country is in tier bloody 22 because nobody is following the rules.

We'll be in tier 22 anyway as you put it soon anyway.

Whitty and Vallance have just got to spew doom and gloom and Johnson shits his pants.

I am not here to police other people's activities.
It's down to the government and other individuals to decide how to deal with this situation.
I do what is required of me, it's none of my business what other people do.

Well, if she drove to get her, and the lady is 85, I think she did the right thing too.
Presumably she won't be out carousing for at least the first ten days of her visit, so she'll be isolating.
What's the problem?

But this could be entirely within the rules, as long as your friend had not formed a bubble with another single person and her mother had not formed a bubble then they can do this.

How did you express this opinion? If on social media or mouthing off to anyone who would listen that was a daft move and yabu.
If you only expressed it calmy to her and she told, everyone else possibly Yanbu. As long as you did not get heated about it.

When we judge others we often don't stop to think that they, in turn, are judging us. The nature of judging makes us feel superior, look at them breaking the rules, look at me keeping the rules. But the truth is someone somewhere IS judging your behaviour and interpreting it differently from how you see it.

It doesn't feel so good to know that, that's why the old advice ' judge not lest you be judged' is wise.

Mind ya own business ffs

As in holding an opinion does not in general Warrent social isolation, so whether you are bu depends on how you expressed it.

Why are you comparing your situation with hers. You are making a thousand assumptions, just stop it.

If none of your friends are talking to you, that might give you an indication of how you’ve handled the situation. Assuming you don’t want to lose your friends, perhaps focus on ways to repair the relationships. Start with acceptance of the thing you can’t change: that your friend is having her elderly mum to stay. Presumably you’ve made your feelings clear; there’s nothing more you can do, however much online validation you seek. You’re understandably missing your own parents, but I wonder how much emotional energy your friend’s situation justifies.
If you ARE prepared to lose your friends, that’s different of course, but I’d think carefully about whether it’s worth it.

I would do the exact same as your friend, it's none of your business. As long as your not mixing with her or breaking any rules then leave them to it. No way on this earth would I ever leave my 85 year old mother alone its cruel. This is going to be going on for a very long time. Good on her. Who needs friends like you!

I would have done in the opposite way round and stayed in London. At 85 I’d assume her mum would be getting a call any day to get the vaccine, but if she’s not in London she will miss out

I would feel very worried about putting my 85 year old Nan on the train, especially now.

However, the collecting her for Christmas but is, I think very understandable. I wouldn't be leaving her alone over Christmas either. It makes me quite emotional to think of these people who have gone through the Christmas prep and made it special year after year for their children and families, and then end up spending their last ones alone because of this fucking virus.

It's very different for younger people.

I would have done the same. The mum is 85. This might be their last chance to spend sometime together. I would rather break a rule than live with the fear of my 85 year old mum dying alone

Yeah I would of gone and got my 85 year old mum too. No questions.

I actually don't think it is selfish at all, I think it is shocking we have become so conditioned to have this mindset in such a short amount of time.

Mind your own business - also why is it anyone on here who gets disagreed with in relation to covid is suddenly a nurse or works for the NHS so has "seen" it.

I don't understand why it's cruel to leave her mum but not the millions of others.

It isnt. She thinks you're cruel to leave your Mum.

It's heartening to see so many posting in defence of our civil liberties.

I can do without shopping, restaurants and meeting friends, don't mind face masks and keeping my distance, but unless it's an event of an apocalyptic proportions, I believe the right to be with family is very basic. People are having to sneak about, lie, and face being shamed by friends. For seeing loved ones! It's positively Orwellian. Our children and children's children will find it astonishing.

I've already been called selfish, silly, ignorant etc on MN by people who cannot accept that it is legitimate to have a different opinion on this matter. It's all pretty fanatic. Who would ever have believed that it's controversial to disagree with a law that makes it illegal to see loved ones?!

Lonliness is a killer. Literally. And we are on the brink of a mental health crisis and at the moment it’s being swept under the carpet. No one should be alone at Christmas, after a year of not seeing loved ones or family all year.

It’s not an illegal rave, it’s not an irresponsible move that’s going to kill thousands of people.

I honestly don’t give a shit who disagrees with me, I don’t break the rules because I’ve had no need to, but I’ve spent this year trying to support many, many people on the brink of suicide, and sadly not succeeding enough in some cases.

The next crisis the NHS faces is clearing up this mess. And it’s going to last a lot longer.

If someone needs to do this out of desperation then who the fuck is anyone to judge? Stay at home and keep YOURSELF safe.