To be annoyed with rule breakers not taking to me

[Peahead10]

I'm in Glasgow. On Friday my friend (also in Glasgow) got the train to London and brought her 85 year old mother back with her for a 4 week visit. She missed her as have seen her for 3 months so in her eyes it's totally justifiable,. I miss my parents as do millions of others but for the good of the bigger picture and not being selfish bastards we don't all go and visit them and being them across the UK especially when we know not to travel. Shouldn't have left Glasgow area at all and only just did it before it became illegal. Group of friends now not talking to me as they think I'm the selfish one for not understanding she was missing her mum. I'm missing my mum but not seen her for 9 months so far. I'm so upset and just wondering if I'm being wrong. Know people need to do what works for them but surely this is too far?

You have the right to your own opinion, but if you'd have kept it to yourself then you wouldn't have fallen out with your friends. People really need to start minding their own business.

I suspect that a lot of people absolutely loved getting to be all sanctimonious about the rules and martyring themselves but now they are fed up and want to do what they want. But because of how loudly they shouted about following the rules they can't now break them because they would look like hypocritical twats. Now they are just jealous and taking out their anger on others.

The fact she travelled to fetch her mum rather than her mum coming alone makes me think her mother needs some help, a month is a long trip - perhaps she has suspected care needs

Presumably they are not talking to you because you made your views known?

They wouldn’t not talk to you because you haven’t visited your Mum, surely?

You say it wasn’t illegal.

Make your own decisions, keep your opinions to yourself about others’ decisions.

@Yokey

It's heartening to see so many posting in defence of our civil liberties.

I can do without shopping, restaurants and meeting friends, don't mind face masks and keeping my distance, but unless it's an event of an apocalyptic proportions, I believe the right to be with family is very basic. People are having to sneak about, lie, and face being shamed by friends. For seeing loved ones! It's positively Orwellian. Our children and children's children will find it astonishing.

I've already been called selfish, silly, ignorant etc on MN by people who cannot accept that it is legitimate to have a different opinion on this matter. It's all pretty fanatic. Who would ever have believed that it's controversial to disagree with a law that makes it illegal to see loved ones?!

This. A thousand times this.

YABU.
They have thought about the risks and decided to meet.
If I had a friend who was just going to disapprove and tell me how wrong I was. And that I was going to bring misery on my family. And how I shouldn't break the rules etc etc etc.
Yeah I probably wouldn't talk to them either.
If that's all you want to talk about I'm not surprised people dont want to listen to it.
They understand the risks. They dont need it explaining to them like they are dim wits or have someone disapprove, or judge them.
Even now your online telling anyone who will listen about how worried you are about her mum and how right you are and how wrong the friend is.

Well at 85 time isn't on her side is it. I know someone who didn't see her mum throughout all of this, the mum died suddenly, being isolated had taken its toll on her. The daughter is wracked with guilt now, absolutely beside herself that her mums last months were spent alone and depressed.

I hope anyone of any age that lives on their own is joining a support bubble. Support bubbles were introduced to try to alleviate loneliness and isolation. You can travel between tiers to support bubbles. I know you say she has changed support bubbles recently, but honestly I'd overlook this at the moment. This doesn't sound like someone that is an arrogant rule-breaker. Hopefully they will keep themselves to themselves over this period and be of no risk to anyone else.

The rules are farcical and the bubble system is a total joke. People have been chopping and changing ‘bubbles’ for months, they bend the rules to suit them basically. ‘I can see my Mum because she’s single and I’m her bubble’. ‘Oh yeah I can also see my MIL because she’s my childcare’. It’s just the reality of the situation, many people have been breaking the rules for months now. I think people only cared and adhered to the rules back in the spring during the proper lockdown. Nobody has given a toss since July.

She hasn’t broken any rules. YABVU.

I've already been called selfish, silly, ignorant etc on MN by people who cannot accept that it is legitimate to have a different opinion on this matter. It's all pretty fanatic. Who would ever have believed that it's controversial to disagree with a law that makes it illegal to see loved ones?!

The problem with these lot that shout "selfish", "murderer" and "stay the fuck at home" is, because what you feel you need to do, doesn't fit with what they think is right and boy do they think they are right 100% if the time. It's ludicrous.

If it was any other subject, let's say a relationship, they'd be shouted down as being controlling, but because it's covid and nothing else in the world matters or is more important anymore, it's seen as acceptable.

I fully expect there to be quite a few videos uploaded to Twitter on Christmas Day when the police get it wrong about support bubbles.

I can't get worked up about people spending time with loved ones over Christmas. I'm following the rules, the people I will be seeing Christmas day are my dad and his wife, who I see regularly anyway as I am my father's carer. My grandad is in hospital. If he survives this Christmas it will be his last one. If by some miracle he makes it home, the rules can fuck right off and I will - assuming symptom free - be going to see him.

@userxx

Well at 85 time isn't on her side is it. I know someone who didn't see her mum throughout all of this, the mum died suddenly, being isolated had taken its toll on her. The daughter is wracked with guilt now, absolutely beside herself that her mums last months were spent alone and depressed.

God this makes me so sad.

I live by a very simple rule of not offering my opinion on what my family and friends do unless I'm asked for it.

People already know they're breaking rules and don't need me to point it out. I also don't know they what's and whys behind decisions other people make so its unfair of me to judge.

Why are they not talking to you?
Did you give her a telling off/lecture?

Now you know who some of your real friends are (and are not).

If she had gone and stayed with her, perhaps just about acceptable, but to have an 85 year old sit on a train for several hours, just not.

YANBU.

Hold on.

Have they really stopped speaking to you because you don't agree with their actions, or it the way in which you aired them?

Her mother is 85 and alone for Christmas she is therefore classified as vulnerable and is allowed to bubble up with your friend so she has done nothing wrong under the current guidelines.

(I've followed the rules all year but you better believe if my mum was alone for Christmas I would be going to get her.)

You also say she went before the lockdown rules came into place therefore she has broken no rules per se and as her mum is staying for 4 weeks she is not simply coming for Christmas, she has effectively moved in for this lockdown, again, no rule breaking there either. They are both also covered by isolation requirements and provided they stay at home for the 10 day stipulation are not a risk to anyone else.

You're not pissed off because of rule breaking because she hasn't, your pissed off that you didn't think of it or didn't want to do it. Own it.

You've had multiple opportunities to see your parents this year, the fact you chose not to is on you and your time would be better spent examining why you made that decision rather than sticking your nose into other peoples business. You are being a very poor friend right now.

@MissEliza Horrific isn't it, the really sad bit is she isn't the only one I know of. All this don't hug your granny just doesn't sit well with me, sometimes things have to be weighed up.

YABVVU

Her Mum is living what is proably the last few years of her life and its up to them to assess the risks and make their own decision. I think expecting an extremely elderly lady not to see her family when she, wants to is disgusting and I wouldn't want to speak to someone who called me a selfish bastard for seeing my mother so I can't blame them.

@userxx I gave up the chance to see my dm for the last time because my dd was required to do extra training for a national competition in her sport. I couldn't have known her cancer would return and she'd be gone within a month but I won't forgive myself. Don't take your parents for granted.

Oh wow. Not a vid but it hasnt taken until Christmas Day.

twitter.com/Samuel_Hall11/status/1341031234827382786?s=20

My best friend has been struggling to speak to me because I went to a city three times in the last fortnight. Twice to go Christmas shopping with my son. Once to meet up with a friend who I met online. He's very ill. I've been talking to him for months and he came on the bus to meet me. I've been very lonely this year. My relationship ended. I moved out. I haven't fallen out with her because I kind of get why she is upset. It's not at me entirely I don't think.

My brother and his girlfriend were coming to stay with my dad on Christmas Day. Whilst technically they can still travel they would have to stay because of the distance. This would be to stay with my Dad who's in his eighties. He's on his own. We've cancelled. Not because I really think it's going to make any difference but because I am worried how it will look to others.

I’m also heartened to see so many on here speaking up about the extreme restrictions on our civil liberties.

I’ve been saddened recently by the division this whole Covid thing is causing to friends and families. Suddenly everyone is judging everyone else’s every action.

With regards to the OP, I cannot believe anyone would get all judgy about a very elderly lady going to stay with her daughter at Xmas!! I mean what has it come to?!
How quickly our society has changed.

This government and the media have really done a number on the public.

*I’ve been saddened recently by the division this whole Covid thing is causing to friends and families. Suddenly everyone is judging everyone else’s every action.

With regards to the OP, I cannot believe anyone would get all judgy about a very elderly lady going to stay with her daughter at Xmas!! I mean what has it come to?!
How quickly our society has changed.*

I agree.
Someone very close to me suffers dangerously severe mental health.
He goes out to visit a friend once in a while.

I think for him that is the healthiest option.