To be annoyed with rule breakers not taking to me

[Peahead10]

I'm in Glasgow. On Friday my friend (also in Glasgow) got the train to London and brought her 85 year old mother back with her for a 4 week visit. She missed her as have seen her for 3 months so in her eyes it's totally justifiable,. I miss my parents as do millions of others but for the good of the bigger picture and not being selfish bastards we don't all go and visit them and being them across the UK especially when we know not to travel. Shouldn't have left Glasgow area at all and only just did it before it became illegal. Group of friends now not talking to me as they think I'm the selfish one for not understanding she was missing her mum. I'm missing my mum but not seen her for 9 months so far. I'm so upset and just wondering if I'm being wrong. Know people need to do what works for them but surely this is too far?

ILoveYoga
How long should people stay indoors for?

How long before it is enough to stop this virus?
Which only kills 1% of people who catch it.
10-15% of smokers get cancer, a far bigger killer. As well as affecting other people. SIDS is linked to secondhand smoke yet I don’t see governments around the world stopping people smoking.

We stayed indoors for 4 months. We decimated our economy. The knock on effect will lead to more deaths than will ever be reported

Locking down every few months when the figures look like they are rising isn’t stopping the deaths it is just delaying them.

Spanish flu took about 2.5 years to end. That was without any of the advances in medicine
We are now told, even with a vaccine and mask wearing and Social distancing and locking down it is going to be the same time frame
Personally I don’t think more people would have died by that point. We are just delaying the inevitable

When the likes of Nicola Sturgeon, Dominic Cummings, Margaret Ferrier etc all break lockdown rules and guidance, but get their spin doctors to create them s covet story im surprised anyone bothers adhering to the rules.
Lead by example.

Good for her.
I would have done the same.
Politicians break the rules all the time because they know rules are pointless.

Well they could be in a bubble if her mother is alone, so if that's the case then fair enough.

I wouldn't want to travel on a train if I was 85, but that's up to her mum.

Beyond that, you are entitled to express your opinion if you want - but you surely can't be surprised if this annoys them?

They've done what is right for them. We should all be taking personal responsibility. All situations are different and a blanket response isn't appropriate.

YANBU.
Someone from tier 4 going on a train journey the length of the country is frankly ridiculous given the circumstances.

I empathise with your friend. I really do and if her mum was going to essentially leave her home, be driven up to your friend's house, quarantine and then stay a while I would probably say it's against the rules but the sort of situation where someone has broken the rules but have done all they can to mitigate the risks.

Maybe you too need to see the bigger picture before you judge. My husband is terminally ill and in care and I haven’t seen him for a long time. He’s had the first dose of the vaccine so I’m hoping he will be well enough after the second dose for me to be allowed to have an outdoor visit with him - weather permitting.
I live alone and have been following the rules and believe me it doesn’t give me any sense of satisfaction knowing I’m doing the right thing. It’s not the right thing for me - especially for my mental health. For some of us the virus isn’t the only thing we’re coping with. At 85 your friend’s mother may have other reasons for wanting to spend Christmas with her daughter. I think we all need to be a bit kinder and take steps to keep ourselves safe - and that means mentally as well.
Is it worth losing a friend over this?

@RichardMarxisinnocent

People having a go at the OP is a disgrace.
People who break the rules are pathetic.
There is no excuse.
They are effectively killing people somewhere
It’s like dangerous driving you might get away with it.
More people meeting means more transmission means more Covid and more death.
The rules are the rules.
Now that there is no excuse to brawl them.
And no amount of bullying will escape people from the fact that they are defining themselves as selfish and hurting others.

Meant not excuse to ignore them

@Peahead10

Ghoulbag, I don't mind her seeing her mum. What I mind is her travelling from a highly infected area on a train and tube and then back with her mum on the same return journey. The disease is everywhere and no matter how much I need to see people some journeys are too risky.

Got that. What I find remarkable is your willingness to appear so socially incompetent that you’d express that objection to your friend.

Ghoulbag. If my friend does something that could potentially kill herself, her family and hundreds of other people I'd be a fool not to say something. I'm glad you'd let your friends put themselves in danger for fear of saying something but thankfully the millions who are following the rules don't go by your standards. As I said we are talking again. She understands why I (and millions around the world)) disagree but her seeing her mum was more important to her then keeping others safe and that's that.

I follow the rules as I want to stay safe. If others think they know best and break the rules/law thats up to them, if they die of Covid they only have themselves to blame, I dont feel sorry for them, the rules are there for a reason. Will be better for evolution as well

This is the year to not ask your friends what they did for Xmas, ask no questions and be given no lies

The problem I think alot of rule followers have is their condescending attitude towards those who are maybe disinclined to follow the rules. Others love to martyr themselves for "the greater good" and are often quick to point out how much they have suffered for the sake of the rules.

This with bells on.

Your AIBU is about your friends not talking to you. Yet time and time again you've shown on this thread that all you want to talk about is how 'irresponsible' they are. If someone wanted to repeated lecture and belittle me I wouldn't want to talk to them either, whether I was right or wrong in my actions, they're done now, move on. You seem to have no grasp on decent social interactions and being a nice friend.

Is you aibu actually about your friends talking to you? Because from your posts you don't really seem to care about that. Or have you just come here to be validated in your opinion? In which case you'll have seen that there is a definite split on this.

You're welcome to feel superior and be sanctimonious about 'pathetic' people breaking the rules. But when you express this opinion to people who've done what you disagree with they have every right to not want to hear it and thus choose not to talk to you. I'm well aware of plenty of people who judge me for all manner of things (Covid related and not). I don't care about their opinions and I choose not to engage with or listen to them. Your friend it only doing the same.

I’m with you OP. Unless we ALL make the sacrifices that are hard & upsetting, we won’t get out of this cycle.

So easy to say but very unrealistic in reality because not everyone's sacrifices are equal.

I don't see people with nice big gardens offering to share them with people living in tiny flats during stay at home orders.

I have repeatedly seen threads from those still working in secure job complaining about 'scroungers' on furlough despite the fact people on furlough have had their income slashed and are living with the constant threat of unemployment.

It's all good saying 'we all make sacrifices' but there's no consideration for the fact that some people's sacrifices are much greater than others. When you're feeling the lowest of the low and feel like you've been shit on from a great height it doesn't help to think 'oh but Suzy next door is also sacrificing seeing her mum for Xmas' when suzys mum is 10 years younger so will likely live to see another Xmas, Suzy has a loving husband a children and has secure employment and is blessed with good MH, whilst you're sitting alone, crippled with anxiety, threatened with redundancy, barely making ends meet on furlough wages, and your mum might not see next Xmas. Of course they've both sacrificed but the sacrifices aren't the same.

@arevioletsreallyblue

Wow I have never heard such a pathetic attempt to justify doing what you want and therefore putting others at risk.

There are rule set by the government. You must follow them. Nothing to do with an opinion.

Get a mirror and look deep in to yourself. The rules are clear and that attempt to remove your own guilt at probably breaking them and saying others who challenge that are not right to do so is simply beneath contempt.

So I am sure you will rattle back some puerile reply. If you had good sense you would follow the rules and be contrite.

[quote Justa47]@arevioletsreallyblue

Wow I have never heard such a pathetic attempt to justify doing what you want and therefore putting others at risk.

There are rule set by the government. You must follow them. Nothing to do with an opinion.

Get a mirror and look deep in to yourself. The rules are clear and that attempt to remove your own guilt at probably breaking them and saying others who challenge that are not right to do so is simply beneath contempt.

So I am sure you will rattle back some puerile reply. If you had good sense you would follow the rules and be contrite.[/quote]
Sorry? At what point did I mention me breaking any rules. I'm spending Xmas with my parents who I currently live with, not breaking and rules, because I'm fortunate enough to not be in a situation where I'm so desperate that I need to or else be plunged into MH crisis. I was pointing out I can understand why some people do, I can empathise with their situations. The government also set the rules that stealing is wrong, but would you really vilify someone for stealing baby formula if it's the only way to feed their child? I've always paid for all my food because I'm privileged to be able to afford it and understand that I should do in order to maintain a civilised society, but I won't judge a single parent for doing what they have to to stop their child starving because I understand their situation is different.

People who talk about us 'all making sacrifices' are often the ones in the most privileged positions, and I think it's important to highlight that it's all well and good to talk about sacrifices but you need to consider that not everyone's are equal. Just like you'd applaud someone with £100 giving £10 to charity more than you'd applaud someone with £1,000,000 giving 100.

Go take a look at yourself in a mirror, with all your privilege you take for granted, and consider what dire situations some must be in to have been pushed to rule breaking.

I really believe most people are good and most people are trying. Those that break the rules are desperate rather than frivolous and sanctimonious gits like yourself are ignorant to others people struggles rather than truly callous and uncaring. It's always those with the most privilege who fail to recognise it.

@Justa47

Your posts seem full of bitterness, anger and arrogance.

@Yokey

Angry at people deliberately braising the rules.
And arrogance is exactly what I expected.
Ie how dare I call people to account for not following the rules and allowing their selfish actions to rush others.

I suggest you think again please.

@arevioletsreallyblue

I didn’t say you do. I say probably not categorically.

@arevioletsreallyblue

Like not where masks in shops?
Like parties
Like bornemounth beach

Jeepers.

So easy to say but very unrealistic in reality because not everyone's sacrifices are equal. I don't see people with nice big gardens offering to share them with people living in tiny flats during stay at home orders. I have repeatedly seen threads from those still working in secure job complaining about 'scroungers' on furlough despite the fact people on furlough have had their income slashed and are living with the constant threat of unemployment. It's all good saying 'we all make sacrifices' but there's no consideration for the fact that some people's sacrifices are much greater than others.

Exactly. I saw someone on a thread yesterday saying rather haughtily ‘We ALL have to make sacrifices. We can’t just pick and choose. That is why I shall be spending Christmas with just my spouse’. Really?! I know it might be a disappointment to not see other family members, but is it really a sacrifice to spend Christmas with someone you choose to live with forever (at least theoretically)? Try telling that to someone sitting in a room alone with a TV dinner tomorrow.

I also spent most of summer wanting to brutally strangle anyone boasting about how it had actually been quite nice to be able to sit out in the garden all day. Not so nice when all you can do is hear about it because you don’t have any outdoor space.

[quote Justa47]@arevioletsreallyblue

Like not where masks in shops?
Like parties
Like bornemounth beach

Jeepers.[/quote]
Well I've set you straight on your ' probably' now haven't I. I'm capable of understanding why people do things, even things I disagree with, that I wouldn't do myself.

And what does any of this have anything to do with what I've said?

@Peahead10

Ghoulbag. If my friend does something that could potentially kill herself, her family and hundreds of other people I'd be a fool not to say something. I'm glad you'd let your friends put themselves in danger for fear of saying something but thankfully the millions who are following the rules don't go by your standards. As I said we are talking again. She understands why I (and millions around the world)) disagree but her seeing her mum was more important to her then keeping others safe and that's that.

You’d be a fool not to say something so the outcome can remain exactly the same but with the added bonus of all your friends thinking you’re a total arse? Cool.

Keep your nose out. My mums 74 and there is no way I would let her be alone this Christmas. Friends definitely done the right thing.