To be annoyed with rule breakers not taking to me

[Peahead10]

I'm in Glasgow. On Friday my friend (also in Glasgow) got the train to London and brought her 85 year old mother back with her for a 4 week visit. She missed her as have seen her for 3 months so in her eyes it's totally justifiable,. I miss my parents as do millions of others but for the good of the bigger picture and not being selfish bastards we don't all go and visit them and being them across the UK especially when we know not to travel. Shouldn't have left Glasgow area at all and only just did it before it became illegal. Group of friends now not talking to me as they think I'm the selfish one for not understanding she was missing her mum. I'm missing my mum but not seen her for 9 months so far. I'm so upset and just wondering if I'm being wrong. Know people need to do what works for them but surely this is too far?

The problem I think alot of rule followers have is their condescending attitude towards those who are maybe disinclined to follow the rules. Others love to martyr themselves for "the greater good" and are often quick to point out how much they have suffered for the sake of the rules.

I don't steal food. We can all agree its bad to steal in general and that if people were to steal en mass it would have a massive negative impact on society. You can be sure if my child was starving I'd steal the food out of other children's mouths if it made sure my child got something to eat.

Our ability to care for the greater good, or wider society as a whole is dependant on our current position at any given point in time.

In your friends case, if her mother were to catch covid and die, then it would be something she has to live with for the rest of her life, but her and her mother should be free to make that choice and risk if they feel it is worth it.

She could follow the rules and her mother could die of an unrelated stroke, or something else that strikes at random, out of the blue in February. I don't imagine the fact she followed the rules and "did her bit" will give her much comfort in that situation do you?

I believe, and is only a belief, your worldview may see things entirely differently to me, that most people won't do whats best for society out of choice, especially when there is no real punishment for not doing so. Most people only comply, with rules in general, because the cost of not complying outweighs their perceived benefits.

If they had roadblocks on the motorways and police at train stations checking where people are going and why, with actual punishments enforced, then you'd have a near total rate of compliance. Would you want to live in that world though? I wouldn't.

I miss my parents as do millions of others but for the good of the bigger picture and not being selfish bastards we don't all go and visit them and being them across the UK especially when we know not to travel.

Here's a 🥇

You may think whatever you like. However, if your friends are not speaking to you, perhaps that's because you expressed your views forcefully and spitefully about something that isn't your business.
Still, your self-righteousness will you keep you warm this Christmas.

@Peahead10

I'm in Glasgow. On Friday my friend (also in Glasgow) got the train to London and brought her 85 year old mother back with her for a 4 week visit. She missed her as have seen her for 3 months so in her eyes it's totally justifiable,. I miss my parents as do millions of others but for the good of the bigger picture and not being selfish bastards we don't all go and visit them and being them across the UK especially when we know not to travel. Shouldn't have left Glasgow area at all and only just did it before it became illegal. Group of friends now not talking to me as they think I'm the selfish one for not understanding she was missing her mum. I'm missing my mum but not seen her for 9 months so far. I'm so upset and just wondering if I'm being wrong. Know people need to do what works for them but surely this is too far?

If you've not seen your mu for 9 months its because you've chosen not to see her.

You're clearly using the rules as an excuse and your friend breaking them to se thiers has shown you up for this

@Peahead10

MissEliza, I work in NHS and see daily how this disease affects people. Not a sad life. If we all ignore the rules and make up our own to suit us this virus will never leave. I think it's sadder to not care and just let ppl do what they want. I'm also worried for her mum who's been put at risk on a 7hr train journey.

But the virus is never leaving anyway?

Id have done what your friend did.

@katy1213

You may think whatever you like. However, if your friends are not speaking to you, perhaps that's because you expressed your views forcefully and spitefully about something that isn't your business. Still, your self-righteousness will you keep you warm this Christmas.

Yes, I'm sure you feel better for getting your opinion off your chest OP. I'm curious as to what difference you thought it would make if your friend had already collected her mother though? You want her to take her back to London?

I find so many people on mumsnet are totally literal about rules, when in fact there are two possible approaches, one is following the word of the rule and the other is following the spirit of the rule.

What I can't understand is why the OP hasn't seen her parents in nine months

I miss my parents as do millions of others but for the good of the bigger picture and not being selfish bastards we don't all go and visit them and being them across the UK especially when we know not to travel.

God, I think 'selfish bastards' has become MN's phrase of the week. Cringe.

Pearhead, it really is best not to comment about the actions of others and particularly not to comment to more others about them. People make decisions, sometimes good and sometimes not so good but in this instance, nobody has died.

Just concentrate on your own business unless asked for a specific opinion and then be vague in your answer before changing the subject.

@Peahead10 Just a reminder that unpaid family carers help the NHS a LOT.

More than 7 in 10 (74%) of the UK public feel carers are undervalued by society for the support they provide and this figure rises to just over eight in ten (83%) of those who have previous experience of caring themselves. The unpaid care provided by the UK's carers has been estimated to be worth £132 billon a year

Do you really want us downing tools NOW??!!!!!!!!! Because that would help to collapse the NHS in a normal year let alone a Covid one? Because believe me i have been seriously fucking considering it. Ive HAD it with the emotional blackmail Ive reached the end of my fucking rope with it and so have lots of others.

Be DAMN careful what you wish for.

I haven't seen my parents in over a year now. Any of my family actually. Stuff like this does upset me but I have to keep reminding myself that there was no precedent for this year and we are all navigating it the best we can.

YANBU, I'm so sick of people justifying shit like this. If everyone acted more responsibly maybe we wouldn't be in the shit position we are now. I'm desperate to see my family and barely coping but it's a pandemic, so I'll stay home alone.

Ah, you're like me, OP. I also stick my oar in when people don't follow rules and it doesn't do me any favours socially.

My New Year's resolution is to adopt and embody the Mumsnet mantra of, 'Not my circus, not my monkeys,' and keep my nose out (while muttering to myself internally, in all likelihood).

I'd be more concerned she's away from home for so long when she might be contacted about getting the vaccine.

Unless family live abroad I am not sure why anyone hasn’t seen their family in 9 months / a year.

We were all fine to do this during the summer . Personally that is something I would probably silently judge but I would tend to keep my opinion to myself

I don't think its healthy to obsess about what others are doing. Focus on yourself, do what you should do and stop concerning yourself with what others do, it's beyond your control.

OH YAY ANOTHER THREAD TO DISCUSS WHOS THE BIGGEST ARSEHOLE. I WAS HOPING WE WOULD GET MORE OF THESE!

Oh whoops, forgot to add, yes YABVFU

Not unreasonable at all, OP. People who think the rules don't apply to them are the cause of this shit show.

You are not being wrong. You are trying to do the right thing and it’s understandable how you feel. I’m following the rules too OP. Can’t work from home, husbands job under risk etc. But I’m trying my best. Hurts my feelings so much when my friend is organising play dates and another person I know decides to travel internationally from the Tier 4 despite it being banned and I start to think, what is the point of any rules in this county? Most just try to avoid following them.

@Piwlyfbicsly

It’s extremely sad but do we let bad behaviour to make us behave badly no.
The country should have stayed in second lock down until the 15th. Another Boris screw up or should be in a national lock down now. Simple.

OP, are you not pleased they are not now talking to you anymore?

As you think they are selfish bastards and are not seeing as you put it, the bigger picture, why would you want to communicate with them?

You can't have it both ways.

YABU to post this outside the coronavirus topic.

I think we all need to try not to be judgmental at the moment. It is a really hard time for everyone, I know it's frustrating when people break the rules but what is more important is sticking together. She's your friend - don't let this come between you.