Thoughtless gifts

[MrsHugsxx]

Fully expecting to be told I am unreasonable on this one but would like others thoughts. We met up with my mil yesterday and exchanged presents and opened them after she left. Now I will say I am not materialistic at all. I like nice things but I'm not obsessed by it and I know that some people don't have a lot of money. I'm not flushed myself.
I received a deodorant wrapped up and my DH received a pair of socks. The kids each all received a card game and eldest DS got a toy car. None of these gifts were age appropriate or had any thought put into them. It is not about the money but it has just annoyed me I suppose that she has just picked up the cheapest things she's seen and thought " that'll do". Again it's not about the money, but the thought that goes into giving gifts that I think is important.
We didn't spend a lot on her, we got her a bottle of the alcohol she likes and a couple of little things that we know she likes. But she must have known that the gifts she got us were unsuitable. Reading this back I know how I come across, but honestly, she's their nan. It made me feel as though she doesn't care. It's the thoughtlessness that bothered me, not the lack of an expensive gift.

Has she always given presents like that?

My son has had one present from his grain his life (now 19). At the age of 3 months she bought him a puzzle from a charity shop (no issue with charity shop) but not age appropriate it did save it for him. Nothing since though so at least be glad she bought something

A deodorant? A fucking DEODORANT? Get her some panty liners for her birthday.

Unless you're going to drip feed and say it's a posh deodorant scented with the fragrance you wear then YANBU

• gran not grain - bloody phone

I was going to say that posts like these are the reason I get so much anxiety over Christmas- I overthink present buying because I worry people will think I haven’t put enough thought into it! But a bloody single can of deodorant??? That’s ridiculous!! a Toiletries set, okay, but just one can of deodorant? So strange :/

was it a dove gift set or a single bottle of sure?

Card games for kids, socks DEODORANT!?

Tight.

😲 I would rather people didn’t bother than send thoughtless gifts. It’s quite hurtful.

the presents do sound random, lack of care and unsuitable!

Oh dear.

Give it back to her next year.

My own mum has fully annoyed she is in panic over Xmas as an the strange-ness of the year has pole-axed her and she just isn't functioning. She is a thoughtful caring person usually though, so whatever weirdness comes my way I won't care as it know it will be a reflection of her panic and being all at sea, not her feelings towards us.
So what about your mil, is she usually a bit heartless? (I got a block of Tesco brand cooking chocolate last year from mine - the passive aggressive 2 fingers to me was no surprise and I'm past caring).

I got a tea towel last Christmas from my MIL. It met its tragic demise this year when I accidentally set it on fire.

Fully admitted, not fully annoyed. 🥴

Sorry but some of these presents are making me chuckle, cooking chocolate 😂

@Lumisade

I got a tea towel last Christmas from my MIL. It met its tragic demise this year when I accidentally set it on fire.

That made me laugh 😆. Funny thing is though that generation genuinely value a good tea towel, are you sure it wasn't a heartfelt generous gift? Did it have a quote on it from your favourite author for example?

I agree, I'd rather not get anything. The kids would have been better getting a selection box, at least they would get eaten.

Mum doesn't have the executive function to plan Christmas this year she's been so busy at work and stressed with house sales and moving for a new job, so she's done money wallets for everyone (except me).

She's normally super thoughtful though, so it's not offensive here. She's paid for me to learn to drive and is giving me a car because she's worried about leaving me on my own for her new job, I don't need a present. I do need her to be healthy and happy though, so I'm going to cook her the nicest Christmas dinner I can manage.

Is your MIL usually like this at Christmas or could this be a sign of stress or money difficulties?

Df once got dd 18 months a 6-12 months shorts set.. For Xmas.
Nothing surprises me anymore..

And yes she normally buys this kind of stuff. Last year DH got a hip flask that I had seen in Home Bargains despite the fact he doesn't really drink and has never used nor will ever use a hip flask.

Re-gift next year, saying, "I know you like this deodorant.' And then see if it bounces back.

My MIL gives great gifts ( usually vouchers) when your in favour, but if your not then you are usually regifted something hideous.
Last year we had a large box of biscuits for cheese and vouchers for a well known supermarket I never use. I think it was a fairly neutral year.
This year, thankfully, we won’t get anything because she has been unable to go shopping.

A relative got my husband an executive ball scratcher....as we presented them with a champagne afternoon tea for two voucher at a nice venue. Awks...

Is she very concerned about finances? Even so a box of chocolates or a smelly candle would have been better than a deo. Perhaps in Jan suggest you stop gifts for grown-ups? We did it years ago and it's such a relief since anything I want for a tenner I'll have bought myself in two clicks online already.

A deodorant!!!

I'm very happy with most things as gifts (don't like toiletry sets though, but accept graciously), but deodorant is a dreadful gift and would annoy me.

The other gifts you describe are equally shit.

YANBU OP. I dislike receiving presents that clearly had no thought go into them. Or things that have clearly been bought for any female in the family, which is how I’ve ended up with clothes 4x too big for me and generic gift sets from boots. I don’t think I’m being ungrateful to want a present to be personal and meaningful.