Thoughtless gifts

[MrsHugsxx]

Fully expecting to be told I am unreasonable on this one but would like others thoughts. We met up with my mil yesterday and exchanged presents and opened them after she left. Now I will say I am not materialistic at all. I like nice things but I'm not obsessed by it and I know that some people don't have a lot of money. I'm not flushed myself.
I received a deodorant wrapped up and my DH received a pair of socks. The kids each all received a card game and eldest DS got a toy car. None of these gifts were age appropriate or had any thought put into them. It is not about the money but it has just annoyed me I suppose that she has just picked up the cheapest things she's seen and thought " that'll do". Again it's not about the money, but the thought that goes into giving gifts that I think is important.
We didn't spend a lot on her, we got her a bottle of the alcohol she likes and a couple of little things that we know she likes. But she must have known that the gifts she got us were unsuitable. Reading this back I know how I come across, but honestly, she's their nan. It made me feel as though she doesn't care. It's the thoughtlessness that bothered me, not the lack of an expensive gift.

This is why I am so glad my family and the ILs know how much everyone is spending and actually has a list of items that we exchange. That way everyone gets exactly what they want including the children.

It may not seem magical or a surprise but having had a cheap £5 wall vase off SIL over 20 years ago we decided this was a better way forward.

Every single year my sister gets me a truly lovely gift that I want and actually use or wear. Every year I thank her saying you just know me so well and I love it. She does the same. But also this means she really does know what I like having bought me numerous things over the years. One year I saw my Christmas gift in her kitchen! She said I am so sorry it was just so pretty I had to buy one for myself it was a lovely compliment.

MIL came round to the idea after a few years of buying us random stuff we never used and therefore she could see it was not being used when she came round.

But deodorant? I think that is one of the worst presents I have seen on here.

On the whole, I'm not preoccupied with whether gifts are 'thoughtful' or not. Some people are good at selecting gifts; some aren't; and it's not among the top 3 or even top 50 things that I value in a person. But deoderant as a gift: WTAF!

A deodorant? A fucking DEODORANT? Get her some panty liners for her birthday.

YANBU. Thoughtless gifts irritate me. Last year my parents bought me Prosecco. I was pregnant. They knew I was pregnant. Something along the lines of “ooh we bought this before we knew!” was said, as if it would have been impossible to get something else in the meantime. By comparison, I gifted them tickets to see a favourite comedian. They’ve also been crap at presents and I’ve made it my mission not to be the same!!!

Time to start wrapping them up and give back to her for birthdays, Christmas, Easter etc....

FIL sent DH (so his son) the Oxford Dictionary and Thesaurus for Christmas this year. Maybe he's trying to tell him something

When I was expecting my second child my MIL gave me a Christmas present of a voucher for an all day learn to patchwork course. She happily announced that she would look after my eldest, for only the second time in his life, who was nearly two. Only she wanted my DH to help her in looking after him so not do much babysitting as insisting DH collect her to organise a day out for the three of them.

It may not sound bad but for various reasons I dislike patchwork and have no interest in learning it at all, which I had told her previously. I really would have been over the moon of her Christmas present had just been babysitting so I could have a hot drink with my DH.

When the day came, DH told me not to just bunk off....so I went for the morning then took a longer lunch break treating myself to getting my eyebrows done and a wander around the town. When I did go back to the shop hosting the course the ladies were worried as to my safety as I was heavily pregnant. Felt a little guilty and ended the day shattered, albeit with fabulously shaped eyebrows.

My mum’s late D Aunt used to go shopping once a year at the Christy towel factory shop. We always got towels for Christmas! To be fair, they are very good quality and some are still going now.

The worst present I've ever received over the years have been endless hot chocolate sets.

Anyone who knows me at all knows I hate all hot drinks. I'm a weirdo and I hate it, I wish I liked them. But I don't. Never have, never will. So when I get gifted these I have to re gift them on or otherwise it's just a huge waste.

As a gift they're absolutely lovely if you like them but unfortunately useless for me. My partner also doesn't like hot drinks, nor do my parents, so I have no one to pass them onto 😂

MIL advised that patchwork was chosen because I could use it to make use of old bits if fabric.

Yes...with two under 3 and chance to pee on my own cultivating a fiddly new hobby sounds great.

Like changingnamesandkeepingsane says, we used to open presents from some relatives before Christmas as we knew they'd be a waste of time.

In-laws are expert at awful gifts. Pull up a chair...

Our first Christmas together, they posted us 2 big boxes of stuff. Clothes that weren't style. For their own son a second hand jumper from Dorothy Perkins are the most memorable items.

We loved in a small second floor flat with no garden. They have our child I think they were about 5 years old a massive inflatable thing for a garden.

The year we bought a Wii...they showed my husband what they were thinking of getting. It was a cheap version of the Wii. He told them not to get it...they did.

An error in reading size labels. A set of short pyjamas, on the front was 'Make my Night' size was 10-12...they thought it was age.

Last one was the worst. Christmas present was a bag of used make up. Some was the range from Avon for over 50 year olds. Birthday is a week later and they were given £20. Would have been better to give £10 for each.

No chance to pee on my own

My DM had a present box containing things she had picked up as being a good gift with no idea of the recipient.

She would grab something from this box if she was caught short for a gift. Somehow a t-shirt from the Isle of Wight never said 'I thought about this'.

@Kakiweewee

Mum doesn't have the executive function to plan Christmas this year she's been so busy at work and stressed with house sales and moving for a new job, so she's done money wallets for everyone (except me).

She's normally super thoughtful though, so it's not offensive here. She's paid for me to learn to drive and is giving me a car because she's worried about leaving me on my own for her new job, I don't need a present. I do need her to be healthy and happy though, so I'm going to cook her the nicest Christmas dinner I can manage.

Is your MIL usually like this at Christmas or could this be a sign of stress or money difficulties?

not sure the relevance of this - you ae getting free driving lessons and a car, OP got a deodorant.are you trying to make her feel even worse??!

I can top this op. One year ex Mil wrapped pocket tissues up for people. Youngest bil watched on in horror and said ‘MUM’! She got huffy and said ‘it’s the thought that counts’ other bil said ‘yeah, that’s the problem!’ And ex mil flounced off. The following year I got a plastic delph clog with a plastic daffodil in it.

The one and only Xmas I was in contact with mil I got a snake necklace that cost £2.75. Sticker still on.....
Adult dd got posh Smellies and my dc got a nice game to share. Fair enough. Her biological dgc got nowt...

Mil (not ex mil btw they are different people) once handed ds1 (who was 3) a bin bag full of broken sharp edged age inappropriate toys they’d got from a car boot sale and H a British Gas logo polo shirt that was from the charity shop - clearly donated by someone who had been a meter reader or similar. I got nothing (thank fuck - If that’s what she gave to people she loved the most in world I’d dread to think what she’d give to an incubator she barely tolerated!)

The first year I was with my partner, four of his relatives (Mum, Aunt, Cousin and Sister) each individually purchased me hot chocolate gift sets ... I do like hot chocolate but there is only so much I need at any one moment!

It was also all really cheap flavoured and instant hot chocolate so it wasn't very nice or had a strange "flavour". I'm not even a hot chocolate snob - I'm quite happy with a £2 tub of Cadbury stuff! But that stuff was nasty

My grandmother once gave me a multipack of Disney themed knickers aged for ages 4-5 when I was about 10 or 11. The pity was she had taken them out of the plastic packet and laid them out on top of each other loose so they couldn't even go to the charity shop!

I agree it’s crap & disappointing for your children. I’d tell her not to bother next year. I once received a handbag holder. You clip it onto a table when your out & hang your bag off it, I was 21

Can her son have a word? Or in future just treat it like a game: 'what will granny come up with this year'?

I get terrible gifts from my MIL. Last year I got a 12 days of Xmas bath bomb advent calendar from pound land. The year before it was a Boots toiletry set so old that the moisturising cream had evaporated to a few cms in the pot, the box was battered and ripped and the design logo was from the 90's. She doesn't have much money but would genuinely prefer a bar of my favourite chocolate than the random tat I get given

Perhaps she finds the whole Xmas gift thing annoying.
How old is eldest and are the others too young for card games?

@FiFia

I agree it’s crap & disappointing for your children. I’d tell her not to bother next year. I once received a handbag holder. You clip it onto a table when your out & hang your bag off it, I was 21

I don’t know what age has to do with it but when I went out a lot, I used one of those, I hate putting a bag in the floor.

Even posh places make those handbag holders

www.aspinaloflondon.com/products/aspinal-handbag-hook-in-midnight-blue-lizard?currency=GBP&sv_campaign_id=559319&sv_tax1=affiliate&sv_tax3=Delupe+CSS&sv_tax4=0&sv_affiliate_id=559319&awc=7710_1608496112_d276bb844f1aa58933688b96fd7ca663&utm_source=affiliate&utm_medium=AWUK&utm_campaign=559319

My MiL gave me Nigella's "How to be a Domestic Goddess". I think she was trying to tell me something