Thoughtless gifts

[MrsHugsxx]

Fully expecting to be told I am unreasonable on this one but would like others thoughts. We met up with my mil yesterday and exchanged presents and opened them after she left. Now I will say I am not materialistic at all. I like nice things but I'm not obsessed by it and I know that some people don't have a lot of money. I'm not flushed myself.
I received a deodorant wrapped up and my DH received a pair of socks. The kids each all received a card game and eldest DS got a toy car. None of these gifts were age appropriate or had any thought put into them. It is not about the money but it has just annoyed me I suppose that she has just picked up the cheapest things she's seen and thought " that'll do". Again it's not about the money, but the thought that goes into giving gifts that I think is important.
We didn't spend a lot on her, we got her a bottle of the alcohol she likes and a couple of little things that we know she likes. But she must have known that the gifts she got us were unsuitable. Reading this back I know how I come across, but honestly, she's their nan. It made me feel as though she doesn't care. It's the thoughtlessness that bothered me, not the lack of an expensive gift.

My now Ex-MIL always bought me passive aggressive gifts. The best one was a second hand copy of 'how clean is your house'.

Other highlights have included one of those wooden plaque things that said something like 'a boy will never love anyone as much as his Mum' or some such drivel (which was a dig that she was no1 in Ex-H's life).
We had some professional photos done and she cut me off the end of one photo and put it in frame. She made a big show that the photo was too big for the frame so she had to chop it.

So glad I don't have to fake nice for Christmas any more.

My in laws have a lot of money but the kids presents are always random. One year my DD got a tshirt that had come from a set, aged 4. She was 18 months at the time. She also got shoes for her 2nd birthday that she still doesn't fit into, she's 3.5 now.
Toys are always for a different age group.

@windturbines

The worst present I've ever received over the years have been endless hot chocolate sets.

Anyone who knows me at all knows I hate all hot drinks. I'm a weirdo and I hate it, I wish I liked them. But I don't. Never have, never will. So when I get gifted these I have to re gift them on or otherwise it's just a huge waste.

As a gift they're absolutely lovely if you like them but unfortunately useless for me. My partner also doesn't like hot drinks, nor do my parents, so I have no one to pass them onto 😂

I have met my people

Putting a hot chocolate sachet and some marshmallows in a mug is not a gift for anyone of any age. We have these at home all the time- it is like giving Tampax.

I think your Mil is like my mum can't be bothered in buying something nice.
Last year I got an empty gift box the type that you put a gift in.
My DH got a can of deodorant out of a gift set.(our son received the aftershave)
DD coat hangers out of her wardrobe.
Dil was given a box of tissues.
SIL nothing.
DB had a hammer which was my dad's.(dead for 20years)
SIL nothing.
It's not that she struggles for money.
I could tell you about the presents over the years but I'd need a whole thread to myself.

Send her toothpaste next year !

My MIL is like this. She just buys such random stuff as presents, always second hand (no shade there, love a charity shop haul myself but the stuff she gets is often very shabby which is strange when you’re buying presents). Once, our then-3yo DS got a slightly grubby Lamaze newborn baby toy, and I got some Green and Blacks chocolates with the hygiene seal having already been split open, and the mini bars inside clearly had been opened and examined.

I really don’t mind if she gets us nothing, but she does send some bizarre stuff.

@CrotchBurn

A deodorant? A fucking DEODORANT? Get her some panty liners for her birthday.

Unless you're going to drip feed and say it's a posh deodorant scented with the fragrance you wear then YANBU

Haaaha!! to the panty liners..

A deodorant?

That's nuts.

My friend was given a really hideous flammable nightie, the nylon sort for older ladies in the 60s. My friends a size 8 and this was 16 🤣🤣🤣 This was from her now ex mil. The mil hated my friend and showed it through gifts. Poor girl. Did give us a laugh though 🤣

@rookgizzardpie

Someone asked up thread if it was a single sure roll on or a Dove gift set. Also wondering this

Deodorant in a gift set is still deodorant- just more of the crap

My lovely Mil, who was the sweetest woman ever, once bought me a tea towel. On it was a black Santa.

@BennettWitch

Panicking now as I have put toiletries and socks in DP's stocking and yes there's a beautifully wrapped L'Oreal deodorant in there...

If you would he happy to get a can of dove and a box of Tampax, 3 pack of tights that is fine

If not rethink.

[quote Love51]@MrsRogerLima be glad she thought enough of you to put a coin in. If you gift an empty purse you are cursing the recipient to poverty! I can never give an empty purse but don't want to cause offense with putting one random coin in, so I only ever buy a purse for my mum. She's never take money from me normally but a coin in a purse is a must![/quote]
I'm not superstitious so, I'm no more grateful for a dog eared used purse than I was before. 😂

My Mum's neighbours once gave her a bottle of Tesco's' own brand bubble bath. The husband, when he passed it over, said his wife was so brilliant at choosing presents that she should have been royalty. It went straight into the nearest charity shop as I recall.

@EverybodystalkingaboutJamie

People buy us stuff we don't want or need and we do the same in return. I wish we could end this pointless present giving shite!

Totally agree with you

I think all those gifts could be great if more effort could be put into them.

My parents give deodorant as a gift to my brothers and teenaged nephews every year. But they are thought out. Footballer nephew gets Christiano Ronaldo deo and the others get Boss, Calvin Klein etc. I sometimes wish to get DKNY deo. For me that is luxury I don't buy for myself (I just get the basic rexona).

I also love Happy Socks. They are fun and again I wouldn't spend money on on myself. Getting a pair of socks with pictures related to hobby? Hiking or running socks to someone who needs those? Socks with the logo of your fave football team? I think those are great gift.

SO yeah, basic Lynx/Rexona and a pair of black socks from Sainsburys are not thoughtful and a bit crap. But I wouldn't call deo and socks bad gifts in general.

I've asked for teatowels this year, mine are all a bit manky and I fancied an upgrade...

i would be happy with a single chanel or dior deo but a single sure deo, picked up at a supermarket, not in a set, i would be confused by!

*It might not have been used. My Nan said you should never give a purse without cash in it so would always put 10p in a purse if it was a present. I used to wonder why until she told me.

Some kind of good luck superstition.*

Absolutely. Of you gift an empty purse, it will always be empty of money. Put a coin on a purse before you gift it, it will never be empty.

@ddl1

On the whole, I'm not preoccupied with whether gifts are 'thoughtful' or not. Some people are good at selecting gifts; some aren't; and it's not among the top 3 or even top 50 things that I value in a person. But deoderant as a gift: WTAF!

I pretty much completely agree with this

Deodorant - wtf????

@Poppingnostopping

I've asked for teatowels this year, mine are all a bit manky and I fancied an upgrade...

Has your other half asked for them as well? And the children?

Domestic items are not a gift.

My partner's mother is like this with presents - cheap crap that either falls apart before you use/wear it or stuff that is the wrong size. Usually from the pound shop. Last year it was a pair of size 5 slippers...I'm a size 8. Partner seemed nonplussed when I pointed out they were useless to me...

I'd rather get nothing.

Dh's nan years ago bought me a plasticy initial keyring with pink sparkles on it. It wasn't my initial, it was his ex-girlfriend's 😂

but boots is usually a go to if I'm buying a token gift

But why buy a token gift? I'd never give anyone a present unless I actually want them to have something lovely.

Right now, for every minute I spend musing on my alone-ness, I spend another ten rejoicing that I have so culled my social circle that it's years since I last received a Boots gift set.

My friend received an out of date turkey from her MIL a couple of years back.

My dear old nan was a cracker for presents. She used to just go in her bedroom and find something if an unexpected visitor turned up at Christmas.

One year my cousin turned up. My nan trotted off to her bedroom and came back with a piece of newspaper folded up ( her trademark) and gave my cousin a bikini from the 60’s in a size 10. Cousin was at least an 18/20 at the time and she found it hilarious. She did mean well though

Lol

My MIL and family give gifts like this. There is no malice in it and I wouldn’t describe them as thoughtless, just a different kind of present giving ethic. My family have less money but we all try to give each other things we’ll really like. From the in-laws, I’ve had “interesting” tea towels, eco friendly deodorants, unusual wooly hats, books on subjects I have no prior interest in, odd practical gifts like crampons. Sometimes they give amazing gifts though, like a new food mixer or last year, MIL gave me the super free make up bag Clinique gives away sometimes when you purchase so much worth of stuff. I know it was a freebie, but I hadn’t had new make up in well over a year, so I was chuffed.