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Original poster

Thoughtless gifts

255 replies

MrsHugsxx · 20/12/2020 17:56

Fully expecting to be told I am unreasonable on this one but would like others thoughts. We met up with my mil yesterday and exchanged presents and opened them after she left. Now I will say I am not materialistic at all. I like nice things but I'm not obsessed by it and I know that some people don't have a lot of money. I'm not flushed myself.
I received a deodorant wrapped up and my DH received a pair of socks. The kids each all received a card game and eldest DS got a toy car. None of these gifts were age appropriate or had any thought put into them. It is not about the money but it has just annoyed me I suppose that she has just picked up the cheapest things she's seen and thought " that'll do". Again it's not about the money, but the thought that goes into giving gifts that I think is important.
We didn't spend a lot on her, we got her a bottle of the alcohol she likes and a couple of little things that we know she likes. But she must have known that the gifts she got us were unsuitable. Reading this back I know how I come across, but honestly, she's their nan. It made me feel as though she doesn't care. It's the thoughtlessness that bothered me, not the lack of an expensive gift.

OP posts:
NotOfThisWorld · 22/12/2020 19:44

@MrsKoala Oh my god that's hilariously bad. You're obviously much more patient than me. I'd have sent my DH marching back to the shop to buy something I actually wanted.

ConcernedAuntie · 22/12/2020 19:59

Received a Christmas card from SIL today. Inside was our present. A voucher for a restaurant. No problem, we often do this. We are all lucky that we are not desperate for anything is particular. However, at this particular time we don't know when we will be comfortable using it and also the nearest branch to us is 50 miles away. There is not even a branch were SIL lives that we could use when visiting.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 22/12/2020 21:33

Sil deliberately chose one not near her!! Check the date it expires. Tier 4 and all that...

Valeatqueave · 22/12/2020 21:46

@MrsKoala

🤣🤣🤣

Valeatqueave · 22/12/2020 21:57

@WordOfTheDay

Never heard the term before but we have always done that in my family (my parents born early 1920s and granny in late 1890s!). The rationale was that your purse /bag would never be entirely empty. We usually wrapped up the small coin in paper so it wasn't mistaken for loose change and spent when the purse was in use.

coldwaterfeed · 22/12/2020 21:58

I’m guessing @FiFia got a cheapo £1 handbag holder. They don’t work well.

coldwaterfeed · 22/12/2020 22:02

@Jackabobbo

Are the boots 3 for 2 things really that awful? Blush

I try to get thoughtful things but it can be difficult when there a lot of people to buy for. This year I'm only buying for very close family and DD, but boots is usually a go to if I'm buying a token gift for someone. I actually got 3 things from there for one of my relatives this year, along with some other little bits, but I tried to get things I thought he'd like rather than 3 lynx gift sets!

I don’t think so, the Ted Baker stuff is nice
WordOfTheDay · 22/12/2020 22:05

@Valeatqueave Smile

coldwaterfeed · 22/12/2020 22:14

My principle for buying a gift is is it something I would be happy to receive myself.

Valeatqueave · 22/12/2020 22:17

"Are the boots 3 for 2 things really that awful?

I try to get thoughtful things but it can be difficult when there a lot of people to buy for. This year I'm only buying for very close family and DD, but boots is usually a go to if I'm buying a token gift for someone. I actually got 3 things from there for one of my relatives this year, along with some other little bits, but I tried to get things I thought he'd like rather than 3 lynx gift sets!"

"I don’t think so, the Ted Baker stuff is nice"

I'm very happy to be given presents like that. And I usually give each of my adult daughters one among other presents (not especially cheap either, often the ones around £20), and I spend ages wandering the aisles back and forth trying to decide which ones they'd like best, so it certainly isn't thoughtless on my part. I can only think some people on MN are offended by the thought that theirs might be the third, free one! My third one is usually given to another female family member but it isn't her only present and it's carefully chosen too.

The thing that surprised me on this thread (apart from the wacky gift choices) was how many people are outraged by opening any presents before Christmas Day. I would always open them in front of the person who gave them - otherwise it's a bit of a letdown for them, isn't it? I get that a lot of the presents on this thread are a letdown in themselves Grin but usually that's not the intention!

Brainwave89 · 22/12/2020 22:22

In my family giving crap presents is quite common. An Aunt once have me a bottle of greasy hair shampoo. I was 14 and mortified. Another Auntie gave me a set of wooden coat hangers...very practical said my mum. Bit different when it is grandkids though I have to say. You could have some dun with the return present though. Vaginal freshener perhaps?

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 22/12/2020 22:41

I must have strange teenage boys.. they’re always happy with a lynx gift set! I think it goes back to the days when I was a bit skint and tended to buy generic supermarket toiletries for general use, so a nice bottle to themselves was quite a treat.
My ex mil used to buy the same gifts for all the women in the family.. so chocolates? Fine. The year we all got size 12 pyjamas? None of us were a size 12 😂 Also giving wine to someone trying to quit drinking, and biscuits to the diabetic.
She’d also buy the dc cheaper versions of things, think off brand Lego that didn’t click together properly. Huge bags of presents, but one or two well thought out things might have been better.
Some of these beat her hands down though!

PurpleKittyKnitting · 22/12/2020 23:52

@Brainwave89 on one visit from the in-laws, in the bags of usual crap they had cleared out of their cupboards to give to us (out of date jars, bag of tangerines that mouldy the next day) was a pack of Fem Fresh wipes!

I thought are they for me...my daughter or are they hers and she forgot to take then out of the bag?!

Sinful8 · 23/12/2020 04:55

I'm curious what card game was age inappropriate. Card games are pretty universal arent they?

Or did she get a 4 Yr old cards against humanity?

lazylump72 · 23/12/2020 08:20

I would have been really quite rude and popped it back in her bag when she wasnt looking! Any fall out from that and I would have said what I thought..a deoderant is not a present, MIL you keep it..I hope you enjoy your gifts from us and leave it there....how do people live with themselves treating others so shoddily? I am sorry OP beyond crap and very thoughtless...

lazylump72 · 23/12/2020 08:31

I got a coronation street bottle opener one year from my inlaws..they got it free as a going gift from the bingo and thought of me...sadly.Wish they had thought of someone else...so not only was it free it was shit! They were on a hiding to nothing since then with me.I had a couple of years of buying them luxury gifts for my own amusement I must confess now a days I just can't be arsed and I give them not a second thought.

Clawdy · 23/12/2020 09:06

My friend told her mum that clothes would be nice for her toddler son one Christmas. Her mum looked horrified and said "What sort of clothes?" Friend said "Oh, any really, from socks upwards." Her mum bought him one pair of socks.

jiskoot · 23/12/2020 09:23

Last year my MIL got me some lacy knickers (!). This year so far I've had a calendar on how to make your marriage work (it was unwrapped so have seen it) and another knicker sized present. Don't want to think about what she's trying to say, only been married a couple of years!

NotOfThisWorld · 23/12/2020 09:27

@Sinful8

I'm curious what card game was age inappropriate. Card games are pretty universal arent they?

Or did she get a 4 Yr old cards against humanity?

Peppa pig card game for a 10 year old? Or Ann summers esque card game for a 6 year old?
Lockdownlumpy · 23/12/2020 10:18

My ex husband bought my the same book for my birthday (late Autumn) and then for Christmas. I have never read either copy, since it is a book that was entirely his taste but not mine.
In fact a number of the books he gave me as gifts strangely vanished when he packed his stuff to leave...

EleanorRigbyWasReal · 23/12/2020 14:33

Not a “thoughtless” gift per se but it’s the first time I’ve received a gift from this person in 15 yrs. I’ve received a book, which I’ve read several times and was a best seller 8yrs ago. The person sent me this book, six years ago. Oh, and the postage was wrong so I had to pay Royal Mail £4 🤷🏻‍♀️

RealisticSketch · 24/12/2020 08:00

Does no present count as a crap present? Yesterday a (new) friend gave me a present, beautifully wrapped (don't know what it is yet), tagged and written with wonderful words. I was not expecting us to exchange gifts at all and gave her just a standard Xmas card. 😔

ddl1 · 24/12/2020 14:15

My ex husband bought my the same book for my birthday (late Autumn) and then for Christmas. I have never read either copy, since it is a book that was entirely his taste but not mine.

Not as extreme, but when I was a young adult, a family friend gave me the same book for two successive Christmases. I wouldn't have minded greatly, but the book was called something like 'Cookery for Beginners' so it started to feel a bit like a dig at me about learning to cook better.

TinyTroubleMaker · 24/12/2020 14:33

Ah, a thread I can relate to.

DM made clear when I had a child that I'd no longer get anything from her myself. And she gives cash for DD, never has to put any thought into what DD might like that way..

That said, a few years ago she did turn up on Xmas day with a box of cotton buds for me. And she rotates a second hand bottle of Lambrusco (makes clear it's an annual gift she receives) between me and several others

thepeopleversuswork · 24/12/2020 15:32

My dad buys gifts literally for himself; it’s bizarre and incredibly insensitive. Last year he dropped heavy hints about a particular book he wanted: it’s the kind of obscure history book no-one would read unless it was their particular area of interest or stumble on or read for general interest. I got it for him and then found he had literally bought it for me. It is as if I had bought him cosmetics or toiletries.

If I hadn’t known better I might have suspected it was an early sign of cognitive decline but no it’s just total lack of empathy.

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