Fuck it. Let’s have a ‘Shit Secret Santa’ thread.

[Retiremental]

Mine hit a new low spot this year with Bayliss and fucking Harding

DH got a mug with a cartoon rabbit and the words "The Gardener" on it and a packet of leek seeds.

I keep making him coffee in it :)

The worst one I ever got was a large glow in the dark plastic locust. Still no idea why.

We didn’t do it this year, usually it’s a Christmas do thing... chucking them at each other across the car park just wasn’t the same....

I got a knitting set one year (nasty pink wool and plastic needles) I can’t knit and have no intention of learning.

Sports direct socks, with the discount label on them

I got a poo head and a cookie mug

We have this excruciating tradition where everyone gathers for ‘nibbles’ and ‘picky bits’ and has to stand around whilst all the presents are handed out, OPENED and commented on there and then

This time last year I was 5 months pregnant and the girl who got me for secret santa gave me a bottle of koppaberg wine 🤣 its still unopened now, I don't like koppaberg at all, and I don't drink a lot anyway.

What’s a poo head?

I got a used book on how to fix a van.
I drive a car.

@Canwecancel2020

What’s a poo head?

You’re a poo head.

A couple of years ago I was working away and me and the rest of the team I was working with flew in each week and worked at hotdesks on the customer''s site. For secret santa I got given a large and heavy desk calendar. I didn't have a desk to put it on, and only travelled with a small bag of hand luggage to go in the overhead locker. The calendar went straight into the bin.

A white musk gift set from Asda. It smelt like the body shop circa 1995, and I politely oohed and aahed and put a little bit of the lotion on my hands, which made me itch like a bastard all afternoon.

A strawberry scented candle that smelled like post-alcopop vomit. I drove home with it in my car and could smell it for a week.

One year I got a small tin of vaseline lip balm and 2 individually wrapped foil-covered chocolates that looked like they'd been kicking around in someone's pocket since the previous Christmas.

I am allergic to vaseline.

Huge enamel mug with TEA on it in big letters, few years back. I NEVER drink tea, in the office or out of it, and had said so often in the 2+ years I'd been in the dept. Fairly sure I know who gave it too - up yours S, you're not as great as you think you are.

You should have painted A. TeaM on it...

A packet of penis shaped pasta that my boss fished out the back of his kitchen cupboard the morning of the present exchange

I got a vajazzle kit in the work SS a couple years ago.

It wasn't exactly shit, but clearly it was someone at work who didn't know me at all so got the most generic thing possible - a pen and some notebooks. I mean nice ones, but it clearly said 'Uh, I don't know this person even remotely'

My other half got some absolute tat (rude, and probably classed as sexual harassment if done to a woman) for Secret Santa this year, had to take it on the chin in front of 30ish colleagues on a Zoom call, and spent more than the allotted £10 on a lovely gift for his secret Santa person which they asked for.

You could add ideas to a list via their online secret Santa generator so the person buying for him completely disregarded his choices. I don’t know whether I’ve just had a sense of humour failure this year but I don’t get why he had to be the butt of everyone’s joke. Why would you bother taking part when you get such an awful gift? He said he’d never feel like he could opt out but I would if I were him!

I once got a 2,000-piece jigsaw puzzle of a rural countryside scene. I still don’t know whether somebody was making a snide dig that I must have too much time on my hands because I wasn’t paying enough attention to my job; or whether the giver was a work friend saying quite the opposite. Although in context, the Secret Santa policy for that workplace was that gifts had to come from a charity shop so that it wasn’t just a money-wasting pointless tat exercise, so also possible they just grabbed whatever they could find at the last minute!

A set of Coca Cola lip balms.

@Retiremental

We have this excruciating tradition where everyone gathers for ‘nibbles’ and ‘picky bits’ and has to stand around whilst all the presents are handed out, OPENED and commented on there and then

I'm not sure what I'm more offended by, the process of opening gifts or the term 'picky bits' 🤮

I have to buy one this year for someone I have never met...

Oh god. Where to start...
Makeup - I never wear it at work so someone was either being oblivious or dropping a not so subtle hint.

Anything with dairy in it (chocolates etc) - hmmm. Allergic. And work all know that.

Random mug with a chip in it that looked like a deranged chimp had attempted to paint flowers. Nice.

A bag full of special things. Like - a hair bobble, a tin with some kind of salve in, a motivational message etc. Just shit they had collected together. Really strange.

Alcohol. When I was pregnant. Hmmm...

I've refused to participate in secret santa at work for years. Just hate the disparity of them.