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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to still feel utterly defeated by it all this morning?

214 replies

Matchsticklady · 20/12/2020 07:30

I was so upset yesterday - Tier 4, no mixing - it just felt like the icing on the cake of a really shit year. Christmas was the one little bright spark before Brexit and the further doom and gloom of January and now there is just...nothing.

I thought I'd wake up and feel a bit better this morning - see the reasoning, accept it, but I don't. If anything I feel worse. Everything seems so utterly pointless. It's not just about Christmas, it's the constant infringements on our liberty and choices, often last minute, that are hugely impacting on our mental health.

I'd remained upbeat, tried to see the positives, understood it was a strange time that we've not experienced before and tried to see the logic in what the government has been doing throughout all the previous lockdowns but I'm done. I'm at my limit I think.

Had DS at the very end of 2019, and it's his first birthday soon. I don't want to be in this fog for it, it's a day we'll never get back and I don't want to look back on it and remember it as feeling sad and lost and hopeless but I don't know how to get out of this numb fog I'm in.

Are things going to get better? I really truly believed they would but now I'm starting to lose faith a bit.Sorry, just needed to get it out.

OP posts:
SofiaMichelle · 20/12/2020 07:40

If you're in T4, you were in T2 or lower until very recently.

Many of us have been under much stricter rules than you all through the year. Where I am, we had literally a month where after the first lockdown we had a bit of freedom to see people, and since then we've back under extreme measures. Virtually no contact with friends family, no social mixing. Most of the time all pubs/restaurants closed down completely.

I feel for everyone who's struggling but you've been in T4 for what, 8hrs?

Elfinghecking · 20/12/2020 07:41

Yes, things will get better. We have a vaccine. Sorry you feel this way, it is awful
For people put in a new tier overnight and there’s no way of dressing that up

Elfinghecking · 20/12/2020 07:43

‘
I feel for everyone who's struggling but you've been in T4 for what, 8hrs?’

Oh, come on! Being out under such severe restrictions at short notice 6 days before Xmas is a bit different. I think OP has every right to feel bad and playing the ‘I have it worse’ game won’t change anything.

katedan · 20/12/2020 07:44

Dont worry about having a rant, I feel the same this morning having barely slept last night. Also in tier 4 here so cant see my parents as planned, DH is insisting we still see his mum even though she is also seeing his sister so quite a few rows here and lots of tension! I know people will say at least you have your health and I know we are lucky to have jobs but god it is totally shit and I really feel for you. Hope you can enjoy DC 1st birthday, I know you will know but as least he wont remember and you can have a lovely party for his 2nd birthday.

ForestNymph · 20/12/2020 07:45

No. I hate it and am sick to death of it. Its stealing my kids chidhoods and I've had enough.

joystir59 · 20/12/2020 07:45

We will all get vaccinated eventually and we will start getting back to normal.

Postmanbear · 20/12/2020 07:45

@SofiaMichelle it’s not a competition. We’ve been in tier 3 for a long time but I suspect the OP has been on maternity leave which must’ve been hard. Everyone has different hardships to face and the OP is well within her rights to feel this way.
OP I get it, I’m gutted that the one thing I was looking forward to has been taken away. We live far from family so haven’t seen them in months and now have no idea when we will again.

Eslteacher06 · 20/12/2020 07:47

@SofiaMichelle...I have to agree. The North West have been in this bollocks for the most part of a year. Just simple things like going round my mates house for a brew or going to a play centre for my daughter, who has no concept of zoom so has forgotten most of the kids she used to play with at nursery last year.

I get your sad though op. You've had a rubbish maternity too.

Tyranttoddler · 20/12/2020 07:48

If your child is under 1 you can legally form a support bubble with someone else. Just thought I would mention that if you didn't know.

I feel the same. We have been under restrictions since September. Then tier 3. I teach 100s of children and it is so hard that yesterday that was my reality but today's reality is that I can't see my mum. I do understand it but it feels a bit sad. I remind myself that better days are coming. In March we had fear of the unknown and no vaccine. Now there's a vaccine... This will be over one day.

Bramblespoint · 20/12/2020 07:48

@SofiaMichelle it's a bit different though isn't it?

You've been in tier 3 so could still meet in rule of 6 outside.

Plus just because restaurants were open doesn't mean everyone had been to them. We've been hardly going anywhere.

To some people Christmas is a big deal and cancelling it is hugely upsetting have a bit of compassion

Santababy56 · 20/12/2020 07:48

This reply has been deleted

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Santababy56 · 20/12/2020 07:49

My compassion ran out a while ago

Smallbus1 · 20/12/2020 07:50

Totally agree. I’ve been at home since Jan (terrible pregnancy) and so lonely with 8m twins. Was SO looking forward to a couple of days of seeing my parents and sister. I can’t remember the last time I saw my dad. And now we’re in bloody tier 4 and it likely to last for months.

Generalblah · 20/12/2020 07:52

It is very sad. I cried. And still tear up about it all. It’s impacted a hell of a lot of my families life. However, what if the government didn’t act on the information they now have and people died and hospitals were at breaking point? People would complain about that too.

I think Boris truly wanted people to have a Christmas but it would be irresponsible for him to ignore facts brought to him. The timing was terrible but potentially thousands of people dying would have been so much worse. Let’s remember that he isn’t a scientist so doesn’t have all the information straight away. Things take time.

I’m devastated but we have to keep going because things will get better.

DonnaScozzese · 20/12/2020 07:52

I'm in Glasgow which has already been in tier 4. We're out now but whole country bar the islands going back in on Boxing Day. It's not that different to tier 3. If you really notice the difference in your life then you're out too much and part of the problem. That said, I feel awful for all the businesses affected.

Tyranttoddler · 20/12/2020 07:52

@Santababy56

YABU for starting another whingeing thread. Which allows lots of others to have a good moan as well.

Yeah we get it - it's been a shit year.

Some people don't have many others to talk to. What's the point of mumsnet if you can't have a chat? Don't be a dick 😁
islockdownoveryet · 20/12/2020 07:54

I get it it's really shit and I'm sorry but it's been shit for all.
If your in tier 4 you only just went into tier 3 us poor sods in greater Manchester have not been allowed to mix with households since the summer .
So yes we can see family on Christmas Day but we have been really looking forward to Christmas and not mixed at all so we can do this .
I don't want it to sound like we've had it worse than you because I honestly do no want to go into tier 4 ( although I think it will happen soon ) .
But just to say it's been rubbish for all , try and stay positive and we will turn a corner. We have the vaccine now so next year will be better .

wanderings · 20/12/2020 07:55

We will all get vaccinated eventually and we will start getting back to normal.
We were told things would be normal by SEPTEMBER. How can we ever believe what the government says, such as "there will be next Christmas"?

How do we know next Christmas won't be cancelled, and the next, and the next, and the next?

And will Saint Boris-Cromwell be a good boy and stay within the confines of Downing Street on 25th Dec? And will his MPs obey the roolz? Will they be sacked if they don't? Or will it be one rool for them, and another for the plebs?

Eslteacher06 · 20/12/2020 07:55

@Bramblespoint do you live in the north west? It could rain, snow and be sunny in one hour. You can't plan anything. I've tried meeting in a park in the driving rain but it's not all that fun lol

HeronLanyon · 20/12/2020 07:57

Some at 2.30 and never did get back to sleep. Really thought id feel a bit back to normal and more sanguine this am.
Just feel worried and anxious and generally upset ‘for us all’. Just drives home what an awful year it has been.
Some serious music therapy about to start here. Bloody well wrapping presents even if they will now all be given in February etc.
Support all. Bloody hell what a year.

Moonandstars25 · 20/12/2020 07:57

I much the same as you OP. You are not alone in feeling the way you do. I had hoped to feel better this morning to but actually feel
worse. My DS is 13 months so understand how you feel. We were going to use the Xmas bubble for my son to spend time with his grandmother before she starts helping us with childcare when I return to work, that has all gone to pot. After a very crappy year where I’ve been very isolated (I’ve seen 10 people socially since September- all outside and all at a distance) I was really looking forward to my hug from my mum and being able to rest a little myself. She is low risk, a nurse and tested for covid weekly herself. My son isn’t walking so there is only so much I can do with him outside and baby groups are very limited (and none have run in my area since October). It is easy to say that we haven’t been under tier 3 for months like some others but I have been in tier 2 for a long time, which bar being able to go to a restaurant or pub with your household isn’t much different from tier 3. Tier 4 is so much harsher- it is a lockdown. I can see one person on my own/with my son, I can’t even meet my mum and sister on Xmas day for a walk. And even after not having Xmas day I suspect we will all be in a national lockdown come January- we will just be under the harsher rules for longer without having had the day of normality everyone else is getting. I cannot see a way out this time.

Bagelsandbrie · 20/12/2020 08:00

I feel the same. I’m actually starting to wonder if things will ever return to how they were.

StockTakeAndWatermelons · 20/12/2020 08:04

@Santababy56

YABU for starting another whingeing thread. Which allows lots of others to have a good moan as well.

Yeah we get it - it's been a shit year.

Ah, the old moaning about people moaning trick.
TheRaccoon · 20/12/2020 08:08

Oh OP I’m sorry. You’re allowed to feel sad and disappointed, regardless what some angry Mumsnetters think.

All of my family and friends have been put into tier 4. I moved away a while ago so am still tier 2 but can’t see any of them so feel as though I may as well be in 4 too. It is shit. It was poorly managed and a much bigger disappointment than I needed to be.

My suggestion is to allow yourself the sadness but try and think of things you’re grateful for, and remind yourself of these to help pull you out. You’ve got a little while until your dc’s birthday and I’m sure you’ll be feeling better by then.

Next year WILL be better than this one, even if only because we’re more prepared.

Wishing you well Flowers

islockdownoveryet · 20/12/2020 08:12

@wanderings

We will all get vaccinated eventually and we will start getting back to normal. We were told things would be normal by SEPTEMBER. How can we ever believe what the government says, such as "there will be next Christmas"?

How do we know next Christmas won't be cancelled, and the next, and the next, and the next?

And will Saint Boris-Cromwell be a good boy and stay within the confines of Downing Street on 25th Dec? And will his MPs obey the roolz? Will they be sacked if they don't? Or will it be one rool for them, and another for the plebs?

Of course it will , life will go on long after we are all gone . What's the alternative ? ignore the rules or stay home forever and be miserable. Life will get better not for a while but by the spring / summer you have to be positive.