AIBU to still feel utterly defeated by it all this morning?

[Matchsticklady]

I was so upset yesterday - Tier 4, no mixing - it just felt like the icing on the cake of a really shit year. Christmas was the one little bright spark before Brexit and the further doom and gloom of January and now there is just...nothing.

I thought I'd wake up and feel a bit better this morning - see the reasoning, accept it, but I don't. If anything I feel worse. Everything seems so utterly pointless. It's not just about Christmas, it's the constant infringements on our liberty and choices, often last minute, that are hugely impacting on our mental health.

I'd remained upbeat, tried to see the positives, understood it was a strange time that we've not experienced before and tried to see the logic in what the government has been doing throughout all the previous lockdowns but I'm done. I'm at my limit I think.

Had DS at the very end of 2019, and it's his first birthday soon. I don't want to be in this fog for it, it's a day we'll never get back and I don't want to look back on it and remember it as feeling sad and lost and hopeless but I don't know how to get out of this numb fog I'm in.

Are things going to get better? I really truly believed they would but now I'm starting to lose faith a bit.Sorry, just needed to get it out.

Hit 'post' too soon - I'm not a tin foil hatter, or an anti-Vaxer, or believe in some sinister global conspiracy like a great reset. But I do reconsider the thin end of a very dangerous wedge when I see one.

It concerns me.

Ps Apologies for the annoying predictive text. That should read 'I recognise' the thin end of a wedge!

for you OP and the rest of us just feeling a bit shit at the moment. Sometimes you just need to rant. Also trying to put a cheerful face on it but also pretty gutted can't see family now and in particular feeling it for my DMIL who is by herself, whereas my DPs are together and my DB lives with them, albeit DMIL is very stoic and isn't making a fuss, just pragmatic and getting on with it.
But yes, it's all very disappointing and deflating. But it will get better eventually as the vaccine gets rolled out, although will feel slow, we just have to keep on keeping on at the moment I think.

@HeronLanyon

Happy birthday stella

Thanks!

@Squirrelblanket

I'm in the North West which has been under the highest restrictions for most of the year. Finding it really hard to have very much sympathy for all the sudden hand wringing from the south east after you've been in T4 for eight hours. Seriously.

This post really struck me.

The OP isn't The South East, she's a woman, a human, a new mum, who is struggling.

I really feel for new parents this year. I found the baby years tough as in normal times.

My kids are older now, and so much easier, and I still find them as cute as when they were babies. (One of them is a teen).

This will pass, and it will get easier. for you OP.

We've rejigged our plans and in order to spend Christmas Day with family we're now staying in a hotel the night before to maximise time with them. This is legal and within the rules. For various reasons we're not prepared to break the law.

@LockdownSanta why don’t you complete that patronising outburst with that other unhelpful saying that is often rolled out being what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger while you are at it. I’ve been through trauma in my life. Some more common, some much less so where I know very few that have had to endure it. It does not make me any more equipped to deal with this. In fact recent research into post traumatic stress suggests the more exposure to trauma, the less resilient to stress or more heightened stress response. For those that have found it boosted their resilience. Good for you. But don’t use it to put others down.

It's really sad and so depressing. I feel just like you and I feel really down today. I don't mind being in tier 4 in principle and realise it must be really dire for the govt to make this decision at such short notice. We live on the border of tier2/4

However my turkey in due for collection tomorrow and it's in tier 2, my cluck and collect order is in tier 2.

Most importantly, my lovely mum is in tier 2. She's had an appalling year. She collapsed last Christmas Day and needed an emergency heart valve replacement. She is in the very vulnerable group and the shielding not only accelerated her cognitive decline, it made her so frail and wobbly on her feet. Since the late summer she's had several falls, the one before last resulted in a fractured pelvis and the last one gave her a cracking black eye and her arm from the elbow to the shoulder black.

I had to break it to her that Christmas is cancelled. I really don't want to risk her getting it. Luckily some lovely friends who are in her bubble are taking her in to their home for Christmas Day. Also, thanks to the NHS she got her 1st dose of the vaccine this morning, again luckily a friend could take her as I could no longer do this for her.

I'm also so angry with those who think they can break the rules, that's exactly how it spread to us in our area. We're in Hastings and Rother, and one of the drivers for the spread (not the only one to be fair but a main one and it's striking that the rest of Sussex inc where my mum is remains in tier2) was asymptomatic people leaving Kent (as we were in tier 2 until weds) to use our pubs and restaurants. Grrr.

@SofiaMichelle

If you're in T4, you were in T2 or lower until very recently.

Many of us have been under much stricter rules than you all through the year. Where I am, we had literally a month where after the first lockdown we had a bit of freedom to see people, and since then we've back under extreme measures. Virtually no contact with friends family, no social mixing. Most of the time all pubs/restaurants closed down completely.

I feel for everyone who's struggling but you've been in T4 for what, 8hrs?

Strange response.

I'm in tier four and we've been in tier four on and off for months

We all went out and spent our money on food, drink, gifts, decorations thinking that we would be able to mix with a couple of our friends and family, during the Christmas window. We’ve helped boost the economy by our Christmas spending so it’s even more depressing that some of us are unable to see people on Christmas Day. It’s the lack of notification and the pretence that’s bad.

I hear you OP. In tier 4 now and have been in town 3 for a while. I don't really care about restaurants and pubs, I have a toddler so rarely get to them! I do care about not seeing my lovely mum and dad, MIL, elderly Nana etc and my son missing out on seeing his family. I understand we can't go on holiday, it sucks but it's an extra. Seeing my family isn't an extra. We lost someone very special in awful circs 10 years ago and not being with my mum for Christmas will be really really hard. I felt like I could get through winter if we had one day to be together. Now, I can feel my resolve failing. I am very despondent today, yes we have a vaccine but am even losing faith there. So many broken promises from govt and so much (understandable) uncertainty, I can't even hold on to that anymore. I will get used to it and just get in with it, but that's no way to live.

We're in Hastings and Rother, and one of the drivers for the spread (not the only one to be fair but a main one and it's striking that the rest of Sussex inc where my mum is remains in tier2) was asymptomatic people leaving Kent (as we were in tier 2 until weds) to use our pubs and restaurants. Grrr.

How do you know that? Genuine question.

@TheRaccoon

Oh OP I’m sorry. You’re allowed to feel sad and disappointed, regardless what some angry Mumsnetters think.

All of my family and friends have been put into tier 4. I moved away a while ago so am still tier 2 but can’t see any of them so feel as though I may as well be in 4 too. It is shit. It was poorly managed and a much bigger disappointment than I needed to be.

My suggestion is to allow yourself the sadness but try and think of things you’re grateful for, and remind yourself of these to help pull you out. You’ve got a little while until your dc’s birthday and I’m sure you’ll be feeling better by then.

Next year WILL be better than this one, even if only because we’re more prepared.

Wishing you well

What a lovely compassionate post.

I feel upset and I don't even celebrate christmas. But it is still a bank holiday and I had plans

I just feel angry and resentful when I read stuff on facebook like ' the last day to cancel our turkey order from Sainsbury was Wednesday, I am vegan and now my boyfriend has to eat a whole turkey'. or ' the grandkids' presents are sitting under the tree and who knows if i can post it to them in time'. It is 1 day a year but it is 1 day that people spend money and effort preparing well in advance.

They were NBU to say we can't meet. They were BU to tell us only a week in advance so people didn't have time to prepare and already bought train tickets, ordered presents (sent now to the wrong location) and bought food. When it was passover, i couldn't meet people but i had ample time to prepare. It was obvious for ages that cases were going up..

@treening recently retired but used to work in this field, still have contacts etc. Personal view will be that the data (although not fully validated) will be showing this hence that's why Matt Hancock said they'd be policing tier 4 borders and had already spoken to the transport police.

I saw a lot police car traffic patrolling along our border area this morning - saw this when the walking dogs as the footpath runs alongside a well known cut through that avoids the main road.

@Stellaroses

I feel the same OP. Shit year, just wanted a tiny bit of relief for Xmas - planned to see my sister and parents outdoors. Can't even do that now. Both live 4+ hrs away. I'm a teacher so I've been in a high stress high risk environment for months and now I can't see my family. I know I have my own DH and kids but it's OK to grieve a bit for something that has been taken away. It is not helpful at all to say "Deal with it, people have it worse".

Also it's my birthday.

Happy birthday! Hope you have a few treats sorted to lift your spirits a bit. This time next year I believe 'all this' will be in the past.

I'd have happily been in tier 3 for months, because we could have got married, but we were in that for less than 24 hours and now Tier 4. Which means that once again we have had that opportunity snatched from us at the very last minute and will need to re-plan everything for a third time.....I'm so upset and angry

@Stellaroses happy birthday! Lockdown birthdays aren’t the best but I hope you manage to enjoy it

@TheRaccoon thank you for your kindness to you too x

YABU. All this self pity and dramatic “will it ever get better?” is just draining and does you no favours.

Of course it’s not going to be like this forever; there’s no basis for that at all 🙄

@gurglebelly I am so so sorry, that must be so hard and crushing.

@emilyfrost sure but people are allowed to feel down and fed up and have a moment or two of melodramatic hopelessness. If you haven’t had any of those moments yet good for you, I hope you don’t. And actually, sometimes letting yourself feel shit and getting it out of your system does help. But we all have different ways of dealing with things.

Wallowing never helps, and when you spread it around you just make everyone else even more miserable as well.

Instead of berating those who are down and upset or being a Pollyanna, how about saying something supportive and/or uplifting? I'm sick of the same four walls, day in day out and the lack of physical contact with family and friends. The thought of spending a few days with my family was keeping me going. Different people cope differently and feel differently about things.

I think that’s true.

As a care leaver, and now a single parent, my life has often included periods of extreme aloneness. (Which most people are completely insensitive to, but that is fine, people rarely understand or indeed give a toss about what they haven’t experienced).

As someone said above, there is a balance between acknowledging things are difficult, and trying to maintain positivity.

I do draw strength from the idea that there have been and are many people around the world and in different times, who have things hard, and if they can manage, so can I.

I also love the quote from Desmond Tutu: “Hope is being able to see that there is light, in spite of all of the darkness.”

And yes, bulbs are good, if you are able to access a window box. The smell of soil and fresh air is healing, and you get to enjoy them a second time when they flower.