AIBU to still feel utterly defeated by it all this morning?

[Matchsticklady]

I was so upset yesterday - Tier 4, no mixing - it just felt like the icing on the cake of a really shit year. Christmas was the one little bright spark before Brexit and the further doom and gloom of January and now there is just...nothing.

I thought I'd wake up and feel a bit better this morning - see the reasoning, accept it, but I don't. If anything I feel worse. Everything seems so utterly pointless. It's not just about Christmas, it's the constant infringements on our liberty and choices, often last minute, that are hugely impacting on our mental health.

I'd remained upbeat, tried to see the positives, understood it was a strange time that we've not experienced before and tried to see the logic in what the government has been doing throughout all the previous lockdowns but I'm done. I'm at my limit I think.

Had DS at the very end of 2019, and it's his first birthday soon. I don't want to be in this fog for it, it's a day we'll never get back and I don't want to look back on it and remember it as feeling sad and lost and hopeless but I don't know how to get out of this numb fog I'm in.

Are things going to get better? I really truly believed they would but now I'm starting to lose faith a bit.Sorry, just needed to get it out.

I really feel for you OP. I feel for everyone who has had this dumped on them. it is cruel and unfair and feels like a political game. interesting that it's the Souths turn to be locked up isnt it.

the mental health crisis this news is going to cause will be severe. for some, christmas was the only light they had and it's been taken away now for millions. january is going to be bleak too - it's a depressing month as it is. I feel for all those who have been affected by this virus but as someone who has been and still continues to fight mental health on a daily basis, I have had more than enough. not everything should be about COVID. frankly, it's a disgrace and maybe this will make the entire health care system be looked at in the future. if it had been better funded in the first place it probably wouldnt be so dire now..not just for COVID but for everything else aswell. 6 months I had to wait last year to get my ears unlocked and I couldnt hear a thing. 6 fucking months! I was on a waiting list for nearly a year to see a therapist for severe ocd.

sorry OP, went off on a bit of a tangent there but just the words COVID and tiers is enough to make the red mist descend.

I get you op it feels like we were able to get our hopes up for a bit of normality and excitement but then had it taken away at the last minute. Of course we can understand the bigger picture and the justifications but we still feel disappointed that’s natural.
For you op it’s been extra tough as you’ve not been able to enjoy the first year with baby as you may have done without all these restrictions but things are getting better.
There’s a vaccine -we are close to things getting much more positive and soon.
What’s helped me is talking lots, and making lots of plans for summer onwards.
Bug hugs op ❤️

Yep. It's utterly shit. We haven't been mixing with family because I work in a school and obviously my kids are at school so didn't want to chance passing anything on to older parents and in laws. So we were really looking forward to a very socially distanced outdoor Christmas lunch with my in laws which has now been cancelled.

And on January 4th it will be confirmed that I'm being made redundant. I was trying so hard not to think about work for the next fortnight. But hey, I won't be in a school anymore so there's that...

Everyone is having a shit time, we're allowed to moan about it. 2020 can fuck right off, but I'm not optimistic about 2021 at this stage either though.

Look at covid thread

'After tomorrow the days get longer and a vaccine is on the way. Soon it will be Spring again'

Yes. Tough times for everyone but we've got to have a moan then look forward.

@DonnaScozzese

I'm in Glasgow which has already been in tier 4. We're out now but whole country bar the islands going back in on Boxing Day. It's not that different to tier 3. If you really notice the difference in your life then you're out too much and part of the problem. That said, I feel awful for all the businesses affected.

Tier 4 in England is basically back to lockdown. I don’t know what the tiers are like in Scotland but it’s very different from tier 3.

When all this is over, some of you really need to build up some resilience

I'll pass this onto DH who can then tell his patient- the one who was on the phone crying to him yesterday (both her parents are in ICU with covid. They won't be home for Christmas... or ever). You should get that 'resilience building' unicorn dust of yours funded by the NHS. We're all gonna need it! Then write a book! It's got Brian Griffin vibes all over it!

I really do not like this blame culture that appears on these threads. No one is to blame. Not each other, not the Gov. Everyone is trying to do their best.

I really do feel for you OP @Matchsticklady. I think everyone is going to have days where it all seems hopeless and never ending. BUT the vaccine is our way out of this and it is here.

We all have to dig deep and keep going. Focus on small things to bring us joy and let go of the disappointments. Otherwise it sucks the energy right out of us!

I think some people are being very mean spirited on these threads. I'm not in the UK so I'm lucky that my Christmas plans haven't been cancelled, but if they had been I would be very upset about it. Christmas is the biggest holiday of the year for a lot of people, and even for those who aren't religious it is still very important culturally and is usually seen as a time when we gather with loved ones who we may not get to see much of at other times. If people felt they really needed that this year more than ever then I don't blame them. A lot of people were looking at this as the one tiny bit of joy in an otherwise shit-filled year. It has been taken away from them at the last minute.

I'm not saying that means break the rules, or wallow in self pity, or forget that other people have bigger problems, but to be sneering and pretend not to understand the simple fact that people are disappointed and upset is just plain nasty.

@Santababy56

YABU for starting another whingeing thread. Which allows lots of others to have a good moan as well.

Yeah we get it - it's been a shit year.

Really??

It is truly shit for everyone -it has been badly handled by a government more worried about it's polling data than the reality of people's lives and how they need to plan them.

Although we have been in higher restrictions all year I can't get riled by individual people getting upset now by the changes to their plans. I can get very angry at the politicians and media for throwing us to the wolves.... including our local "Independent Minded" MP who voted with his party when he voted against additional financial support for those people and businesses in high tiers and extending vouchers for free school meals.

You're not alone feeling that way OP. The impacts of this virus are so severe and wide ranging. I've managed to stay pretty positive but yesterday's announcement came the day after my dear uncle's funeral which we had to watch online as covid restrictions meant we could not be there. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. It's been a shitty year but there are good years to come xx

But the lack of accountability/blame at our government astounds me. Am I the only one who thinks their handling of every step is abysmal at best?

Yes, they've spun it very well. One of the only things they've done well. Christmas is cancelled because of all the terrible selfish people who didn't follow the rules! Let's all throw rocks at them and call them names!

I'm sure they'll also get the blame for Boris's fabulous no deal Brexit. The economy is fucked because of the naughty covid rules breakers... nothing to do with the good old Tory's.

It's tragic to watch.

Well we don't know yet if the vaccine will work against this new strain so I'd prepare for another year of it

The government shouldn't have raised people's hopes of having anything like a normal Christmas, I think a lot of people have held onto that as something to look forward to and are now so upset its been taken away. Would have been better to manage expectations in the first place.

'When all this is over, some of you really need to build up some resilience'

'I'll pass this onto DH who can then tell his patient- the one who was on the phone crying to him yesterday (both her parents are in ICU with covid. They won't be home for Christmas... or ever'

I think the pp would agree of course having parents in ICU would cause genuine devastation and extreme distress, that is of course what the restrictions are trying to avoid. Sat in on the sofa having a quiet Christmas, not so much.

I get it Op.

I’m in an area where we went back into restrictions in summer. I feel like I’ve barely seen anyone this year properly. A few outdoor walks. I stand at my dads door to see him even in the rain. I’ve been so careful and done everything because I don’t want to catch and spread it to anyone.

I’ve worked in a hospital throughout, neither high amount of covid as with paediatrics but its still been tough, the not knowing, fear, redeployment, constant ppe, staffing, infection control measures changing, anxiety of patients and families, treating everyone as though they have covid. Seeing how bad the adult side has been and how the staff have been affected. Watching covid cases rise and rise again in autumn.

And now seeing that January/feb is going to be even worse than expected. I was expecting a lockdown but not a more contagious variant. I do believe it is real, I saw the numbers this morning cases have doubled and more in some areas in a few days.

I don’t know what the answer is, I know we can’t let everything open and just get on with it. I know lockdowns and restrictions are killing everything I love ( gigs, restaurants, theatre, travel) Hospitals in my area just coped with the second wave and that’s with restrictions. Schools are already high with cases.

I’m happy to have the vaccine but I just can’t see the end anymore..so fed up.

I've been fairly positive about it all until recently. Central Scotland here so we've been in tier 4 until about a week ago. We get a couple of weeks to max dash and spread the virus doing our Christmas shopping and them it's back into tier 4 on Christmas night. I'm just over it. My patience has ran out. DS is 13 months and is way to used to us all wearing bloody face masks. I don't like working from home, I miss seeing my colleagues. I'm working 2 jobs to try and support my family because DH has been out of a job for months and I'm so tired and fed up of it all.

I can imagine how you feel. I am a glass half full person and can usually find something to be positive about, but I'm seriously down with everything. I can't be bothered to go for a walk, can't be bothered with homework and just want to curl up in a ball and sleep for months.

I am in tier 2 but only by 5 miles. The hospital I work in is in tier 4 and although so far our covid numbers have been extremely low (and still are compared to last time) they have doubled in the last week which is incredibly worrying.

I’m glad for my colleagues in the nhs sakes that the Christmas rule has finally been scrapped. Yes it sucks we can’t see family for Xmas (my Nan has cancer and is on chemo so decided ages ago I wasn’t risking her life seeing her despite really wanted to as I haven’t seen her since before first lockdown) but keeping them safe is far more important. There are other christmases. It’s the time to be selfish and not think about ourselves (which is the whole point of Christmas anyway).

Btw my mental health has suffered through all this. Dealing with my family situation, working in the frontline on icu having been redeployed from my usual job, seeing things no one should have to. But I’d also struggle staying at home I think. I need to be doing something. Keep in touch with your gp xx

@Bagelsandbrie things are not going to go back to how they were that is absolutely correct. Wait until it comes out about infected vaccine recipients by mid/end of January. This thing is a silent monster, a Trojan horse if you like. The light at the end of the tunnel has gone out for now.

OP with all due respoect you have been in Tier 2 for a while, some of us have been under semi lockdown for a long time in Tier 3. It’s time to accept the shittyness of it all and move on.

Wow this really brings out the worst in humanity and shows how lacking in empathy some people can be. I'm gutted I can't see my parents for Xmas. We've all been isolating in preparation (and haven't seen each other for months) but now suddenly plunged in to tier 4 and it's all ripped from under us.

A few streets down the road is tier 2 which makes it even harder to stomach.

Just because we haven't been in tier 3 all summer doesn't mean we've been free to do whatever we want and doesn't mean we can't feel sad now we're facing a much different Christmas than expected.

When all this is over, some of you really need to build up some resilience.

How do you suggest that I do that with a diagnosis of EUPD?

GetOffYourHighHorse

Yes, my example was extreme (and true) but my point is, it's no one's place to tell us to 'build up resilience'. Many people sitting on sofas over Christmas have their own worries. Those worries don't have to be as extreme as a loved one dying from covid. We're all allowed a moan, no matter who we are and what our circumstances are. We're all resilient by nature. We don't need to build up resilience! We're there! We're humans; fairly tough creatures who've been around a while. And most of us will come through it all just fine. In the meantime, a good ol' collective moan is cathartic!