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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to still feel utterly defeated by it all this morning?

214 replies

Matchsticklady · 20/12/2020 07:30

I was so upset yesterday - Tier 4, no mixing - it just felt like the icing on the cake of a really shit year. Christmas was the one little bright spark before Brexit and the further doom and gloom of January and now there is just...nothing.

I thought I'd wake up and feel a bit better this morning - see the reasoning, accept it, but I don't. If anything I feel worse. Everything seems so utterly pointless. It's not just about Christmas, it's the constant infringements on our liberty and choices, often last minute, that are hugely impacting on our mental health.

I'd remained upbeat, tried to see the positives, understood it was a strange time that we've not experienced before and tried to see the logic in what the government has been doing throughout all the previous lockdowns but I'm done. I'm at my limit I think.

Had DS at the very end of 2019, and it's his first birthday soon. I don't want to be in this fog for it, it's a day we'll never get back and I don't want to look back on it and remember it as feeling sad and lost and hopeless but I don't know how to get out of this numb fog I'm in.

Are things going to get better? I really truly believed they would but now I'm starting to lose faith a bit.Sorry, just needed to get it out.

OP posts:
Muminho · 20/12/2020 08:40

YANBU it's really hard but you have to focus on the positives and drag yourself back up. Our grandparents lived through wars and this pandemic unfortunately is something very difficult that our generation has to find a way to live through. Enjoy your gorgeous son, who thankfully won't care either way about what's going on as you are currently his world, and focus on the happy stuff.

We're going to have to learn to live with covid but massive progress has been made in a very short time with vaccines and I'm confident by the summer we'll be in a much better place.

MrsDThomas · 20/12/2020 08:44

@ChristmasTreeFairy5000 its ever more Fucking off to those who’s counties have less than 1.5% cases. We’ve stuck to the rules. And were still being punished. The figures show we’ve stuck to the rules. 1558 cases out of approximately 120k people.

Lemonydrizzle · 20/12/2020 08:44

I think you're doing just what you need to by ranting about it and acknowledging it's shit. It really is! Allow yourself to express the frustration, disappointment, sadness and anger - it's another big reset, disruption and adjustment. Thank goodness it's true that hope does seem to spring eternal, you'll see soon that there are still many lovely things you can do and enjoy and be thankful for. But we all need a time to acknowledge and her over all the plans and hopes we've lost too xxx

mummyoneboy19 · 20/12/2020 08:45

I get you OP, it’s shit. We’ve got the joys of bastard Brexit to come too just for the icing on the turd cake.

But the vulnerable are in the process of being vaccinated. Hopefully the vast majority of those will be done by spring, where longer, warmer days will come and restrictions should be lifted for most.

Obviously you’ve got your baby to keep you busy during the days, but in the evenings/nap times have you a hobby to keep your mind off things? I’ve got really into knitting just lately, and been making ‘cosy’ things for winter (which helps make the eternal indoors seem at least slightly more bearable!)

GetOffYourHighHorse · 20/12/2020 08:46

'totally get how you feel OP, it’s really tough, some of my relations are T4 and it is really upsetting. But we will get through this & life will get better, there have been pandemics before and we have recovered from them as we will from this.'

Yes its horrible. Everytime we think it can't get worse it does. Now the variant means it will be a bigger nightmare until the vaccinations are widespread.

For me, the worst part is reading people's reactions. Blaming Johnson and the CMO as if they want us to be in this situation. Reading all the 'fuck them i'll do as I please I've been looking forward to Christmas' comments. However miserable we are right now it increases dramatically when our loved ones are critically ill or they die. So no matter how bored or fed up people are they need to just find coping strategies, keep their family safe so hopefully this won't get any worse.

MarshaBradyo · 20/12/2020 08:46

This is a hard development to hear

Frequentflier · 20/12/2020 08:48

This may sound pious, but I feel sorry for every parent with babies and toddlers. It is such a hard time anyway, and now it's worse. As I haven't exhausted my sympathy, I can still feel sorry for those in Tier 4 since March. Rant away, OP. And then regroup, if you can.

Cam2020 · 20/12/2020 08:48

If your child is under 1 you can legally form a support bubble with someone else. Just thought I would mention that if you didn't know.

I was going to post the sme thing Flowers

Lovemusic33 · 20/12/2020 08:53

MN is full of moans threads, everyone knows it’s a shit situation, many of us are trying to make the best of it, Christmas is not cancelled, yes it’s going to be different but it’s for one year only, the vaccination is being rolled out and in a few months things will look very different, there is light at the end of the tunnel, I know the thought of a bleak January/February is soul destroying, for me this is worse than the Christmas restrictions but we will get through it.

gummygator · 20/12/2020 08:54

@Elfinghecking

‘ I feel for everyone who's struggling but you've been in T4 for what, 8hrs?’

Oh, come on! Being out under such severe restrictions at short notice 6 days before Xmas is a bit different. I think OP has every right to feel bad and playing the ‘I have it worse’ game won’t change anything.

You have 6 days notice, more than enough time to get food for Xmas day if you were planning to go elsewhere. They gave roughly 3hours notice on the northern lockdown before Eid.
LockdownSanta · 20/12/2020 08:55

Sorry to hear that some of you are not doing well. I say this not to have a dig at anyone but as a bit of advice. When all this is over, some of you really need to build up some resilience. I've had lots of horrible things happen to me in my life and I am actually glad of it because Coronavirus and a couple of other things that have happened to me over the past 18 months haven't even dented the armor.

I'm sorry for those feeling bad. If I were some of you I would really be making a lot of effort to get on top of how you are feeling.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/12/2020 08:56

Yanbu, me too. A natural optimist, this has floored me a bit, tier 4 now and it’s taken me by surprise, thought it would be lockdown after Christmas. This year is the year that just keeps on giving. You get floored, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get floored again. It will be over but until then it feels so grim.

nosswith · 20/12/2020 08:56

Things will get better once the vaccine is rolled out.

At some point we will be able to celebrate when the worst Prime Minister in history leaves office. Preferably to a prison cell.

treening · 20/12/2020 08:57

When all this is over, some of you really need to build up some resilience

Thanks so much, can't believe I'd never thought of doing that before.

Hmm
Bumpsadaisie · 20/12/2020 08:58

It's all a bit grim.

But hopefully we've all got some time off work. We can all have some nice food and drink.

After tomorrow the days get longer and a vaccine is on the way. Soon it will be Spring again.

Thisismylife1 · 20/12/2020 09:00

It’s really awful.

But the lack of accountability/blame at our government astounds me. Am I the only one who thinks their handling of every step is abysmal at best?

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman · 20/12/2020 09:01

Really fed up here. I'll be spending my morning parcelling up a few presents for one of the DC who is stuck in Tier 4 and can't come and see us after all. Have only seen him once this year. Gutted.

It's having it snatched away so close to Christmas that really stings - if we'd known a few weeks ago I'd have got everything in the post with loads of time in hand and had my head around it all.

As it was, I spent yesterday evening intermittently crying, and drinking gin.

TheVanguardSix · 20/12/2020 09:02

Sorry to rant so much. And thank you matchstick for your very kind words. I really, completely, and utterly feel for you. You're dependent on a healthcare system that will give you answers so that you can support your little baby in the best way you know how. And we have a healthcare system that is not fit for purpose. I appreciate the NHS. But it can't look after its people. It's so poorly funded. It was never going to cope with a pandemic. It's been slowly dismantled for so long now. I feel angry- and the government TOTALLY represents this home truth- at how great we are at making hay while the sun shines and how crap we are at future-proofing (and funding!!) our services.

This isn't about 'dissing' the amazing medical professionals out there, or even existing services that are still there for us, albeit under impossible pressure. To quote Motherland, it's the system! "I apologise for the system!". Grin

Phew. And breathe. I'll get another coffee.
Hugs and Flowers to all. It's really, really hard and we need to just be supportive of one another, regardless of our individual backstories. This sense of gloom is far-reaching.

treening · 20/12/2020 09:03

But the lack of accountability/blame at our government astounds me. Am I the only one who thinks their handling of every step is abysmal at best?

It is. It's very convenient for them to have us all blaming each other instead.

Moonandstars25 · 20/12/2020 09:04

For those saying about Eid- that was crap. I even said that at the time and felt hugely sorry for those who had plans cancelled because of that. It one doesn’t mean that those who feel this way about tier 4 don’t have the right to feel sad/upset etc. Secondly they could still meet in groups of 6 in a public place- we can’t even do that while others in the country can go in each other’s houses and even hug. It is pretty hard to see the light in this.

GetOffYourHighHorse · 20/12/2020 09:04

'But the lack of accountability/blame at our government astounds me. Am I the only one who thinks their handling of every step is abysmal at best?'

There's a new superspreading variant. They've reacted to that, it isn't as if they've just changed their minds willy nilly.

lockeddownandcrazy · 20/12/2020 09:05

Finally Mr Trump has said something I agree with "The cure cannot be worse than the problem itself!"

Gson · 20/12/2020 09:05

Absolutely understand where you are coming from. None of this is a competition of who’s been in what tier longest etc - it’s how you’re feeling and you should be able to get it out.
This year has been so tough for so many people and I sympathise fully with everyone who has endured last min lockdowns, changes, gone through horrendous things like losing loved ones, jobs, houses.
I hope you can take some comfort knowing we are all in the same boat in terms of what we can and can’t do. Hopefully another few months of this and we can start to wave goodbye to Covid!
Not to sound patronising but it’s great when you start writing down all your grateful for. Maybe that could help you get out of that horrible dark fog you’re in?
Hope you have a lovely time for DS birthday. I’m sure it’ll be special x

Ugzbugz · 20/12/2020 09:06

I actually want to punch people who say, oh others have it worse, why are you struggling.

So forgetting covid, next time someone with mental health problems talks, shall we all just say, oh there are x y and z dying, or you could be homeless blah blah get a grip.

No you wouldnt and OP I'm with you, not affected by xmas mixing but hadnt finished shopping etc, and just feel suffocated by everything with no light at the end of the tunnel for a long time yet.

LizzieSiddal · 20/12/2020 09:06

Rant away OP, I think it’s important to get it all out. It’s natural to feel totally fed up by the latest changes.

My situation for Xmas has actually improved. Dh and I were going to be on our own but Dd, her dh and 8 week old granddaughter can no longer see PILs, so we get to see them instead. I should be feeling elated but feel so flat this morning, I feel so sorry for those who’ve had their Xmas plans ruined.