AIBU to still feel utterly defeated by it all this morning?

[Matchsticklady]

I was so upset yesterday - Tier 4, no mixing - it just felt like the icing on the cake of a really shit year. Christmas was the one little bright spark before Brexit and the further doom and gloom of January and now there is just...nothing.

I thought I'd wake up and feel a bit better this morning - see the reasoning, accept it, but I don't. If anything I feel worse. Everything seems so utterly pointless. It's not just about Christmas, it's the constant infringements on our liberty and choices, often last minute, that are hugely impacting on our mental health.

I'd remained upbeat, tried to see the positives, understood it was a strange time that we've not experienced before and tried to see the logic in what the government has been doing throughout all the previous lockdowns but I'm done. I'm at my limit I think.

Had DS at the very end of 2019, and it's his first birthday soon. I don't want to be in this fog for it, it's a day we'll never get back and I don't want to look back on it and remember it as feeling sad and lost and hopeless but I don't know how to get out of this numb fog I'm in.

Are things going to get better? I really truly believed they would but now I'm starting to lose faith a bit.Sorry, just needed to get it out.

We were plunged into complete lockdown with 7 hours to go in Wales. Shops opened until 12, barbers, Argos, Currys, Next, The Range etc. Fair play to them i say.

I fell angry at Drakeford for his way of dealing with this. Lockdown within 7 hours. There are many who haven’t completed their Christmas shopping as their final payday e been. I truly feel for those.

I'm in the North West which has been under the highest restrictions for most of the year. Finding it really hard to have very much sympathy for all the sudden hand wringing from the south east after you've been in T4 for eight hours. Seriously.

I'm basically the same as you OP. I was doing well staying positive until yesterday but going into Tier 4 knocked me sideways. When Hancock started on about the new strain I suspected it was softening us up for something, but I didnt think they would go as far as Tier 4 so quickly.

This morning I even had a little cry. Mainly I'm furious though, because i would rather the government had played it safe and not encouraged us all to plan Christmases together. It's the disappointment.

Still, I put my game face on, came downstairs and made pancake batter so the kids will have a nice weekend breakfast.

This is what we do, OP: We absorb the bad news and then go back to living what lives we have, the best way we can.

I'm concerned about 2021 - worried for the teachers in my DD's school; for the NHS and care workers knowing that there could be more waves of diseased people; for the kids missing out on seeing their friends; for the poorer families who have gone beyond struggling and are now plain desperate.

I've always held on to my mantra that it's a marathon, not a sprint, getting through this. In which case, this is the point in the marathon where you had expected a water station but just as your rounded the corner and it came into sight, a massive truck drove right over the top and destroyed it. And when you look ahead, the next bit of the marathon is another huge, painful-looking mountain. We just have to keep running at the hill, and suck up the pain.

My cousin keeps repeating this mantra to me when I'm struggling.
Hope, kindness, positivity.
Try to practice those three things today. If you catch yourself wallowing (and I'm having to consciously do it myself this morning), then repeat those 3 words to yourself. Have hope. Be positive. Try to do something kind. There is hope. We will come out of this some time. Then we can rejoice in doing the things we loved again. Chin up!

I think ‘the darkest hour is before dawn’ is now.

I understand OP, this is horrific but we’ll be ok. Don’t listen to the doom mongers, there are vaccines, it will just take a little while.

[quote Eslteacher06]@Bramblespoint do you live in the north west? It could rain, snow and be sunny in one hour. You can't plan anything. I've tried meeting in a park in the driving rain but it's not all that fun lol[/quote]
Exactly @Eslteacher06

We're on the hills in the NW/West Yorks. We went to the expense of buying ourselves new good quality wet weather gear in the hope of some sort of outdoor social interaction with friends but having tried a few times to go on a walk only to be hit with torrential, horizontal rain on each bloody occasion - hardly conducive to strolling and chatting - everyone has given up. We're back to a weekly catch up over zoom.

I don't know if I read/watch the wrong news channels but until the Southeast started being hit with restrictions over the past week, there's been barely a mention of the devastation of areas of the country under harsh restrictions, other than a bit of titillation when a northern leader tried to fight the government for some help. But now, it's the end of the world because London is impacted.

It's not a competition to determine who's had it worse or who's suffering the most, but forgive us if we're a bit nonplussed by the news that London is now following a path we've trodden well this year.

@SofiaMichelle I get that I really do but I’m also sick of people policing how other people feel. It’s not a competition. We all have different circumstances and different breaking points. I’ve had the utmost sympathy for people in higher tiers than us, including a lot of my extended family but I can’t help how I feel now. In whatever scenario you find yourself in someone else will always have it worse, does that mean you can never feel sad or sorry for yourself?

I hate this 'try being in tier 3 for months' attitude. Yes that stinks, it's utter crap but so is having your freedoms ripped from you at the last minute for the people going from 2/3 to 4 overnight.

The tier system isn't a fucking competition of who has it worse.

Fyi, I'm not in tier 4 but have empathy for those who are.

Ignore the rules and see your family and friends. And ignore the sanctimonious idiots telling you it's all your fault we're in lockdown/grannies are dying. Clearly lockdowns don't work. Clearly they are causing more problems than they ever could solve. Clearly they are robbing people of their lives, the quality of their lives, and any hope for the future. So break the rules, and do whatever you need to do.

@MrsDThomas

We were plunged into complete lockdown with 7 hours to go in Wales. Shops opened until 12, barbers, Argos, Currys, Next, The Range etc. Fair play to them i say.

I fell angry at Drakeford for his way of dealing with this. Lockdown within 7 hours. There are many who haven’t completed their Christmas shopping as their final payday e been. I truly feel for those.

This.

This is what I'm seriously fucked off about still today. The short notice of it all.

My DC kids school is closed now until 18th Jan. I was told at lunch time on Friday. It takes the fucking piss.

I totally get how you feel OP, it’s really tough, some of my relations are T4 and it is really upsetting. But we will get through this & life will get better, there have been pandemics before and we have recovered from them as we will from this.

I feel for everyone who's struggling but you've been in T4 for what, 8hrs?

It's not a race to the bottom!

OP, I got your back. It absolutely sucks eggs and then some. Yeah, yeah, it could be worse and for many it is. But collectively speaking, it's hard as hell to find the silver lining. It's very isolating and long-term, this has a major effect on people (and I am a total introvert by nature. I am finding this winter extraordinarily hard). And then there's Brexit. Yay.

DH is a GP and he's just working flat fucking out. It's too much for us as a family. He's just unavailable (he is also clinical GDPR and data protection lead for a huge swathe of London, so there aren't enough hours in the day at the best of times, but in covid times, it's back-breaking and he's not young). OK, so he's not on the frontline dealing with the blood, sweat, and tears that ICU medics are facing, but it's like... I don't have my partner anymore. He's just so needed elsewhere. We're all sort of losing our connection with him because he's bloody worn thin. My brother's got stage 4 metastatic pancreatic cancer. He's in the States and I'm digging really deep here trying to make peace with the fact that I may never see him alive again. Next time I see him, he may be in a box, with luck... if I even get home for that fucking 'life event'.
I am trying hard to find the purpose of living a meaningful life and struggling right now. It's like rolling blackouts with the lights on. You can see the shutdown effect, but there's naff all you can do about it. It's a low, to say the least.

Me too. We've been voluntarily isolating for the last ten days, will be 14 by Christmas so the grandparents could see our kids. Coincidentally 4 days longer than you're required to isolate for a positive test.

My parents have been vaccinated so will start to develop some immunity in the next couple of weeks. The risk of anyone in the family infecting anyone else is remote. But we can't see them. It's all a bit shit to find out a few days before Christmas.

I’m also sick of people policing how other people feel. It’s not a competition. We all have different circumstances and different breaking points

100% this. And frankly I dont feel much inclined to protect other people's families when it's clear from many posts on here that they couldn't give a single solitary shit about mine.

My heart goes out to everyone with babies and young children - it really does make it a lot harder. I'm in Italy and we have strict rules over Christmas but tbh I am so unbelievably grateful if we don't go back to the March lockdown with no leaving the flat, police checkpoints etc that I feel I can get through it this time. Haven't seen my mum for a year and a half though.

Hi Op
Yanbu to feel like you do,
We can’t control the outside world at the moment but we can control our homes and what we put in our immediate surroundings.
Snuggle with your lovely baby, watch on a truly feel good series,I recommend schitts creek.
Eat lovely food and read comforting books.
Limit your exposure to the news. X

Not that it makes a huge difference as I’m sure others have had it worse but I’ve been on maternity with a baby who we had to shield as we were waiting for tests that could reveal a potential underlying condition, so even when restrictions were eased we only saw my parents as a support bubble and haven’t seen anyone else since March. We haven’t been to restaurants or anything either.

But like I said, not a competition, everyone has their limits I guess.

Thanks for all the nice replies, I’ll put my game face on and make the best of it soon but just feel a bit fed up today

I’m really sorry some of you are feeling the same. It’s rough. @Europilgrim hugs, it looked like the situation in Italy was truly scary earlier this year.

@TheVanguardSix that sounds really tough :(

...And frankly I dont feel much inclined to protect other people's families when it's clear from many posts on here that they couldn't give a single solitary shit about mine.

@treening that's EXACTLY what we're saying, funnily enough. It works both ways.

OP i have toddlers who were born prematurely so we basically had to isolate the year before this one due to one of them being severely unwell, so I get how you feel. Its shit

that's EXACTLY what we're saying, funnily enough. It works both ways.

I've done my best to stick to the rules I am able to stick to throughout. I have even pulled my ds out of school. I don't go to shops. I work from home.

I am not leaving suicidal family members at home alone.

@ForestNymph you poor things you must have been looking to this year as the one where it was going to get better :( I hope the babies are okay now?

And the government's totally engineered 'last-minute dot com' antics are just beyond pathetic. Boris Johnson is nothing more than Napoleon cosplay. Dig around inside the Halloween box, Boris. It's up in the loft. There will be a plastic sword in there somewhere. Wear the Christmas tree skirt as your cloak. Go nuts. Who cares? You're doomed as PM. May as well go out wearing the Christmas wreath on your head and call yourself Caesar.

[quote Matchsticklady]@ForestNymph you poor things you must have been looking to this year as the one where it was going to get better :( I hope the babies are okay now?[/quote]
Yes we were hoping this year would be better but this happened. Theyre 2 now and I feel like we've missed out on everything. Theyre healthy now thankfully, but its stressful in other ways. My elder child DS1 has ASD and has been really freaked out by the lockdowns so that's incredibly hard

I have found this latest change very tough to take. After some very hard months at work (from home) and a very stressful last few weeks, I was really looking forward to time with my family and a change of scene for a few days. We're in Tier 3 so don't have things as bad as many others, but I feel ground down now. You can only count your blessings for so long.