AIBU to still feel utterly defeated by it all this morning?

[Matchsticklady]

I was so upset yesterday - Tier 4, no mixing - it just felt like the icing on the cake of a really shit year. Christmas was the one little bright spark before Brexit and the further doom and gloom of January and now there is just...nothing.

I thought I'd wake up and feel a bit better this morning - see the reasoning, accept it, but I don't. If anything I feel worse. Everything seems so utterly pointless. It's not just about Christmas, it's the constant infringements on our liberty and choices, often last minute, that are hugely impacting on our mental health.

I'd remained upbeat, tried to see the positives, understood it was a strange time that we've not experienced before and tried to see the logic in what the government has been doing throughout all the previous lockdowns but I'm done. I'm at my limit I think.

Had DS at the very end of 2019, and it's his first birthday soon. I don't want to be in this fog for it, it's a day we'll never get back and I don't want to look back on it and remember it as feeling sad and lost and hopeless but I don't know how to get out of this numb fog I'm in.

Are things going to get better? I really truly believed they would but now I'm starting to lose faith a bit.Sorry, just needed to get it out.

Honestly thanks for the post you have restored a bit of my faith . You are pissed off ,missed out on loads and having a hard time . But you accept it for what it is and just having a bit of vent.

One way or another things will settle down eventualy.

Not true. Some parts of the S East have been in Tier Three

@Elsielouise13 I didn't say they hadn't been in 3 at all, I said 'until very recently'.

T3 was previously reserved for us proles in parts of The North.

I dont understand why anyone is surprised. We knew what was happening. We knew it was getting worse. We knew the five day opening was going to be so dangerous. We knew London was so bad and they were in the wrong tier. Why would we all just power through and do it anyway when it meant that thousands more people would die.

Yes it's shit, but it's really to be expected.

The vaccines have started, which will bring the death, hospitalisation, and case rates down. We've got to look forward.

People with kids under 1 you can form support bubbles, it's tricky if your parents / relative is a long way away, but it is allowed even in Tier 4. I have parents in Tier 4, but they won't come despite me having a young baby as they think it's not allowed and they will get arrested ! I think some old age and isolation paranoia issues are creepy in, bless 'em. They don't seem to believe me, but check out the official advice.

Its shit, but being in a previously tier 2 area doesn’t make it any easier.

I’m quite clinically vulnerable so since March I have eaten out once, it was at a pub, but we sat outdoors rather than inside.

My partners parents flew to the UK last week so they could see each other during the five day window. I had been delivering food to their airbnb so they could fully isolate for 14 days and they had booked and paid for private covid tests to take on day ten of isolation.

He hasn’t seen them since January, they have a rocky relationship which had started to slowly be repaired a couple of months ago.

He’s gutted he won’t be able to see them, he also knows they’ll pressure him to break the rules, they’ll also most likely be unpleasant because we won’t be breaking the rules.

However we are all very lucky that we have been given notice of this change, other areas had about three hours notice at eid.

Come on people, no need for the competitive misery. Millions of people got a very sudden change to plans in the most socially important date of the year, which has practical effects for those whose preparations were made for the old rules.

Although, not long ago it was not normal to be so hyperlinked socially. People didn’t even have telephones for most of history. We do have a vaccine in the wings. We may have a bloody useless government who couldn’t organise the proverbial piss up in a brewery, or even just sending out the invites for it, but thankfully the day-to-day running of the country and even vaccinations doesn’t rely on them. We can get through this.

It’s the relentless of the whole situation, for everybody. Christmas was a little bright spark and of course it would be nice to see people but I’m just feeling the fatigue of it all now. And I think it’s okay to feel like that

Yes, I do agree with this. Christmas and a relaxation of the rules should have never used used as a carrot for ‘good’ behaviour. If it’s the new strain from Europe fuelling the infections it’s completely out of our control anyway.

@SofiaMichelle

Not true. Some parts of the S East have been in Tier Three

@Elsielouise13 I didn't say they hadn't been in 3 at all, I said 'until very recently'.

T3 was previously reserved for us proles in parts of The North.

Sigh

The competitive misery/North-south divide is a depressing race to the bottom on mumsnet.

Anyhow, I think we need to dig deep for 2021, it will take months and months to roll vaccines out at speed needed to get this under control, and in reality even next Christmas isn’t guaranteed. Spanish flu took 3 years etc. Whilst everyone needs hope, isn’t preparing people for mid term dig deep better than wafting hope around. Lots of people planning holidays etc and unless prepared to cancel without fuss, building themselves up for disappointment. People’s resilience is being tested, but also their seems to be a mass loss of ‘carry on’ and major sense of humour failures, the daily stuff we need to just get us through this. Things are shit but we have to keep going. I say this as someone that has lost two first degree relatives this year, has a sibling locked in a care home, and clinical NHS, so not immune to the year.

I feel the same OP. Shit year, just wanted a tiny bit of relief for Xmas - planned to see my sister and parents outdoors. Can't even do that now. Both live 4+ hrs away. I'm a teacher so I've been in a high stress high risk environment for months and now I can't see my family.
I know I have my own DH and kids but it's OK to grieve a bit for something that has been taken away. It is not helpful at all to say "Deal with it, people have it worse".

Also it's my birthday.

For me it is because its winter now. I dealt with it well since march because we spent alot of time outside . But im struggling now because of the cold and rain and dark. Forcing us to be stuck indoors with each other 24/7. Husband has worked from home since march, usually hes out 12 hours a day. We are at the brink of divorce.
Kids are getting sick of not being able to see their friends outside of school.
I keep telling myself to just keeping plodding on until march and we can get back outside again and things will feel better.

Oh and we had 2 babies born in the family in march. Long awaited babies and there wont be any more.
Weve seen one of them twice, the other 3 times. Feel like life has been taken away from us. The babies are missing out too, one never leaves the house, has never even seen another child

Things will get better - my ancient parents just texted me to say they have appointments this week for their vaccinations, and my father's cataract op is still - so far - going ahead in January. Vaccines will change the outlook. Economists on both left and right are predicting a decent recovery starting next year, based on pent-up demand from those households who have managed to save (around 65%). So there are silver linings (I'm not minimising how terrible it is for those who have lost people and businesses and jobs - but the OP asked is there any reason to hope, and I think there is).

But, to be honest - even the government's own scientific advisors were saying, more or less from the moment that the relaxed policy for Christmas was announced, that to travel and mingle and socialise inside was a bad idea, bound to spread the virus and cause a spike in infections, leading to more restrictions. And that people should not do it.

Go to family and be in a bubble... You have a child under 1 you can still form a support bubble even in tier 4.

If it’s the new strain from Europe

Is that what we're calling it now

Gosh people can lack empathy.

Firstly youre a young Mum. You get to feel what you want when you want.

After I had a baby, all my emotions were raw and it stirred up all my past traumas, hurts and sensitive. I felt so vulnerable all of a sudden, after years feeling strong and independent.

I live in Western Australia and we've been relatively sheltered from all of this. We had 6 weeks quarantine when it all started around March. I remember ventolin sold out and my babysitter wasn't available, playgroup closed and it threw me through a loop.

I was still able to take my child to beaches where there was nobody else and road trips to forrests and tiny country towns and live quite a nice life, as we are so far out and so much space....

I guess you could say that the UK is far worst, but to didnt mean the isolation didn't impact me. The fear about what would happen and the future.

Things could be better for you but they could be worst.

I feel like with this covid thing it's like a major head game ! I can't imagine going back into iso after my life being normal for ages. In a way I think that's a major mind f__ck and would play on my sense of security. Especially as a Mum that feeling of security matters so much.

Feel how you feel and control what you can control in this. Find a way to celebrate things and adapt and change to the new normal.

Yes things will get better, there are vaccines being rolled out.

Make sure you're zooming and being good to you. Sounds to me like you're a normal Mum that needs some support and reassurance right now.

hugs to you

Also you should have hope.

Notice how quickly these vaccines came out ?

Governments and everyone are motivated by money and covid is making everyone lose money.

There is nothing like a threatened economy to make shit happen ! Everyone around the world is motivated to see this be killed off.

Just read the rest of your posts op 🥲 You are absolutely right about everything you say.

Can't even imagine having an unwell baby during covid.

People are in war mode and like "toughen up and get in your tier". It's kind of uncivilised and not okay.

Could be worst but could also be better.

Hugs, sympathy and support.

Also I found here that everyone had these stages of denial and being overly positive (the covid self care exercise stuff) and we all flip out in our own way and go through like not the stages of grief butter stages of covid.

Allow yourself to feel what you feel and get the support you need. Look after you and baby !!!

Thank you so much to the kind posters, it does help having a bit of solidarity. I’m going to go and have a long shower, put some make up on, put on an outfit that makes me feel good and go for a walk with DH and DS in the sunshine.
The world keeps turning, we will get there. And if I feel pissed off or sad I’ll let myself feel it. Like many of you I’m a bit crushed and worn out and tired, but I’ll deal with it as best I can and still have a lovely Christmas. I hope you all do too. What a year. Let’s hope this time next year everything is very different in a much brighter way.

@Dollywilde not sure if they are still delivering but Morrison’s has a load of Christmas boxes for next day delivery for Christmas Day food etc might be worth looking at?

some of you really need to build up some resilience
Whoever said that,

People are allowed to be sad when happy events are wrenched from them. Learn some fucking empathy, or keep your gob shut.

I just think we've gotta make the best of it and keep going. Pointless getting dragged down on threads like this. I truly feel for people who have lost loved ones or their livelihoods but really for the rest of us it's just been a boring year of having to stay home

MN is usually full of people moaning about having to visit relatives and actually wanting to stay home ....

Happy birthday stella

It's not just about Christmas, it's the constant infringements on our liberty and choices, often last minute, that are hugely impacting on our mental health.

I hear you. This is it, for me; it's not really about Christmas. I'd accepted the loss of most of our gatherings and traditions: friends are too far away and my closest friend's family, who usually spend Boxing Day with us, too vulnerable. And when that reality dawned some time ago I felt just as cheated and depressed by it all as people do now. In some ways, a last-minute disappointment is worse.

I'm now more deeply fearful of the curtailment of the freedoms on which our lives have always been founded, than this virus. The fact that if you'd slept for a year and woken up, there's an entire vocabulary mostly relating to restrictions we wouldn't understand. The fact that a guy who performed a silky daredevil stunt on a jet ski will likely be spending his Christmas in incarceration. How the hell did we get to that point? The fact that peaceful protest - which along with a free press is a cornerstone of a democracy - is now illegal.

What happens when the population becomes accustomed and desensitised to these drastic changes in legislation, because it's all for our own good dontchya know, and stop noticing when more is pushed through. So then they are pushed through on a non-finite basis and end up enshrined in law?