Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I unintentionally made this very awkward ??

346 replies

christmasfear · 19/12/2020 17:40

Name changed.

I've been at a new job on and off for the past few months. I'm in my twenties and my colleague (kind of an unofficial supervisor) is in her fifties ish. She knows I don't have anyone to spend Christmas with this year. She invited me to stay with her over Xmas (in a support bubble so all would be safe) and said a lot of things like "I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it" and eventually after a bit of pushing from my friend (who's busy on Xmas sadly) I sent her an email saying it would be lovely to pop in and see her on Christmas Day. I sent this a few days back.

However, she's not responded to this at all and she's sent multiple subsequent emails to the team so I know she's been online and can read mine. I feel very awkward about the whole thing, as I'm worried she just meant it as a social nicety and doesn't know how to let me down gently. So AIBU to have said yes to it and assumed she wasn't just saying it as an empty idea? I can't imagine anything more awkward than saying something just to be nice and having the other person respond with "yes please!" (or words to that effect). Blush

OP posts:
SquinnyYouSay · 19/12/2020 17:44

Oh no! Hopefully she'll respond soon. Are you likely to see her in person? I would probably just brazen it out and not mention it. I wouldn't ever invite someone unless I meant it btw.

dudsville · 19/12/2020 17:46

She should have replied. If it were me I'd send a follow up message that allowed for her to back out gracefully, something along the lines of "Hi x, what with the current announcement i wanted to check in with you about christmas day. As lovely as your offer is I'm aware that it may not be feasible. What do you think?"

Original poster
christmasfear · 19/12/2020 17:46

@SquinnyYouSay

I'll see her in person in a few weeks (depending on lockdown and work style etc) but hopefully not before then. I feel like I've made a total faux pas - my automatic response in my head was "no thank you" but my friend convinced me into it under the guise of trying new things Blush
Serves me right I guess!

OP posts:
Chailatte20 · 19/12/2020 17:47

www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/world-55376873

Well most of SE & London are in tier 4 and rest of country's Christmas socialising has been reduced to 25 Dec only. If she hasn't confirmed then I'd use the new rule as a reason to decline. Send her the link and say thanks for kind offer but I'll be staying home. You won't be able to relax as you're too worried that you're imposing so it won't be a nice visit for you.

What are your personal circumstances? Do you live alone?

Chamomileteaplease · 19/12/2020 17:47

Well if she didn't want you to come then she must be some sort of evil, game-playing psychopath Grin.

If I were you I would be very breezy about it. I would have a think about when I would like to go and say something like "if you are still happy to have me round on Christmas Day, would it be alright if I popped over at 12:00 for the afternoon? Do let me know if your circumstances have changed though (insert smiley face)."

How's that?

SquinnyYouSay · 19/12/2020 17:48

@christmasfear she is in the wrong imo. It's not a nice thing she has done.

Original poster
christmasfear · 19/12/2020 17:49

@Chailatte20
I do live alone, yes. I'm not in England though so unfortunately don't have the same excuse Blush

@Chamomileteaplease
The thing is I've already sent her an email and if she is ignoring it out of awkwardness, me saying "See you at 12o'clock? Grin" probably won't help Blush I'm such a fool!

OP posts:
PleasantVille · 19/12/2020 17:51

Are you in the UK?

The new strain would give you a perfect opportunity for a follow up email

Moltenpink · 19/12/2020 17:52

I don’t think you would ask someone as a social nicety, that would just be mean. She’s probably just changed her mind, don’t stress about it. Good on you for saying yes. it’s good to try new things.

TheCattleGrid · 19/12/2020 17:53

You didn't do anything wrong at all. It is a bit awkward now and I think the best thing is just be friendly with her and don't worry. I can understand why you feel as you do but you've been very straightforward .

Original poster
christmasfear · 19/12/2020 17:53

I'm in the UK yes @PleasantVille, that's a good idea.
The issue is though I wouldn't want to send another email after my other one, it's like double texting but even more awkward!

I shall take this as a lesson and resign myself to being a hermit I think Grin

OP posts:
Chailatte20 · 19/12/2020 17:54

That's a really mean thing she's done to you. I've invited people for celebrations before and have been genuine about it. Maybe because my dad is from another culture where everybody is welcome &, an invitation is honestly given. I would never have done this to you, absolutely crass behaviour from your colleagues.

YoniAndGuy · 19/12/2020 17:55

I think I would take the opportunity now of declining. She's definitely seen it so she's probably regretting her offer, maybe worried about the mixing.

'Hi Ermintrude, I'm so sorry to change my mind and I hope I'm not inconveniencing you but in the light of the new restrictions and the new strain, I really think I'd feel better staying at home on Christmas Day after all. I'd love to catch up sometime in the holiday if rules are relaxed a bit though. Hope that's ok, x'

Original poster
christmasfear · 19/12/2020 17:55

Being straightforward has always been my problem @TheCattleGrid. I just assumed that because she went as far as saying "I'm not just saying it to be nice* that it would be legitimate! Another social situation I've completely misjudged hahaha

OP posts:
NotOfThisWorld · 19/12/2020 17:55

TO be fair I think it would be odd to offer you something so specific as a social nicety. If she wasn't genuine in her offer I would have thought she'd be more vague than come and stay at mine on xmas eve and spend xmas. It would be very rude and unkind of her to make that kind of offer if she had no intention of actually having you. You haven't done anything wrong.

MatildaTheCat · 19/12/2020 17:55

How strange. I wonder if, because you didn’t respond immediately, she’s now asked someone else and is in an awkward position?

What is her own situation- married, single, family around?

Original poster
christmasfear · 19/12/2020 17:57

She has family, @MatildaTheCat, I'm not sure about married but she has children around my age and a bit older. I didn't respond immediately but it can't have been that long at all! I wasn't expecting a time limit if that's the case truthfully

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 19/12/2020 18:01

No I’m not at all suggesting you’ve done anything wrong, it’s just odd.

Maybe she invited you without consulting her family and they are being difficult. Or maybe she’s just got caught up in something and has mentally filed you as being a guest and forgotten to send a message saying, great, that’s lovely.

Don’t waste any time thinking you’ve done something wrong. Otherwise how can anyone accept an invitation? Smile

Original poster
christmasfear · 19/12/2020 18:04

I know, it's just a bit of a knock back as I'm trying to step away from being too comfortable with my own shadow you know. I'm trying to figure out ways we may have misconstrued each other but she made me swear I'd say yes if I wanted to come! @MatildaTheCat

Maybe she anticipated I'd say no at all costs Confused

OP posts:
TheCovidHalfStone · 19/12/2020 18:04

I would never invite someone if I didn’t mean it. I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation.

Plussizejumpsuit · 19/12/2020 18:04

Well if she meant it as an empty gesture with no intention of following up she is the rude one. So really don't feel bad.

BexR · 19/12/2020 18:04

You did nothing wrong.

It'll be a family member saying they have invited x which means you are too many households. Or someone getting nervous about infection, which is understandable.

If you dont really want to go I would just email now saying I am getting nervous with the latest update so unfortunately will have to pass on her kind invite.

If you quite fancy going now you have come round to the idea, just wait and see what emerges from her side.

She is being incredibly rude after her initial good intentions.

Original poster
christmasfear · 19/12/2020 18:07

We communicate quite a bit over email (I'd say every day or two) and she went through a patch of responding to my emails slower and slower. But then we had a conversation which is when she asked me to spend Christmas with her so I thought all was well, and now she's not responding again. Maybe I'm going mad. I'm a bit socially awkward but I'm quite easy to talk to, I wouldn't have been offended if she had said no after all.

I got her some Christmas prezzies and all as a thank you Sad

OP posts:
katy1213 · 19/12/2020 18:09

Do you actually want to go? I'd much sooner have a peaceful Christmas on my own than making small talk with colleagues!

AngelonTopoftheTree · 19/12/2020 18:11

Please don't worry that you did anything wrong, you really didn't! Not sure why she hasn't responded; maybe she didn't think you'd accept & didn't know what to say, but what ever it is don't feel bad. If you don't hear from her by Tues or Wednesday send a follow on email to say "Looks like it doesn't suit, no hard feelings!"