Have I unintentionally made this very awkward ??

[christmasfear]

Name changed.

I've been at a new job on and off for the past few months. I'm in my twenties and my colleague (kind of an unofficial supervisor) is in her fifties ish. She knows I don't have anyone to spend Christmas with this year. She invited me to stay with her over Xmas (in a support bubble so all would be safe) and said a lot of things like "I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it" and eventually after a bit of pushing from my friend (who's busy on Xmas sadly) I sent her an email saying it would be lovely to pop in and see her on Christmas Day. I sent this a few days back.

However, she's not responded to this at all and she's sent multiple subsequent emails to the team so I know she's been online and can read mine. I feel very awkward about the whole thing, as I'm worried she just meant it as a social nicety and doesn't know how to let me down gently. So AIBU to have said yes to it and assumed she wasn't just saying it as an empty idea? I can't imagine anything more awkward than saying something just to be nice and having the other person respond with "yes please!" (or words to that effect).

You haven't done anything wrong in this scenario. It is rude of her not to reply to that email. I would assume it's not happening unless you get a response from her confirming.

Don’t be embarrassed, she has been rude not to have answered. She can’t just ignore you as you may be waiting on making other plans. I personally would send another email asking if she got the first one, saying it is fine if the offer no longer stands or she would rather not have guests over now but could she just let you know either way. Not in a rude way, just as in you need to know what you are doing! You really really have not done anything wrong!!!!

Message back and say "I've made other plans - hope you have a good one"

And don't respond to any more messages from her. She's nuts!

I wonder if, because it's almost the end of work for the year, she's had so many emails that she has missed yours and has either not read it at all, or has done a thing that I often do when I'm swamped--thought about responding but never actually responded as my brain registered my intent to respond as having actually responded...

If you haven't heard anything by Tues/Weds I'd send her another quick note.

You sound lovely. You've done nothing wrong.

I'm a bit at your friend who is too "busy" to make space for you at her table but went on at you to take on your colleagues offer

I agree with others who say to email her saying that you won't be there due to the new restrictions.

I think you should just send a light and breezy follow up email either politely declining or one that gives her the chance to gracefully bow out. Other PPs have given some good suggestions. I do think you should email sooner rather than later and so I don’t think you should wait a few days though as she might need to do her food order soon so you don’t want to leave it too last minute.

I also agree that you haven't done anything wrong.

Personally, I'd just leave it. I did know a woman who would push and push for you to join her with plans, then when you'd arrive, she'd act like you were intruding. Some people are just weird like that.

BUT, you have no idea what is going on with this woman, so I'd just leave it up in the air and see what happens.

I agree with the 'pop in' interpretation. If II read that I would wonder if you really wanted to come and whether you would be there for food (should I prepare extra or not?) or just arriving at some random time at your own convenience.

I said that because I know her family's going to be there and I didn't want to outstay my welcome if that makes sense. I've bought her some presents and was going to make some food to bring along but I didn't want to absorb her day or anything like that @CircleofWillis

Where there other people around when she offered.

No, we were on a wee Zoom call. She seemed very genuine when she said it (because my first response is always " you don't really mean that" in my head when offered things socially, though I wouldn't say it out loud). I'd be OK if she changed her mind, that would give me more time to try and plan something else I can do on the day but this leaves everything murky and uncomfortable. @Baileyscheesecake

Are you sure she received your email? Have you checked your sent folder to make sure it did go out? It’s a busy time of year.

I've checked my outbox and it's definitely sent. Maybe she's missed it but you'd think if she offered something so genuinely she might check? Unless like PPs suggested she was hoping I'd say no and is now stuck in it!

Maybe she just assumes you are now going? She should reply! But you haven’t done anything wrong at all. People don’t make that kind of offer unless they mean it.

I'm a bit hmm at your friend who is too busy to make space for you at her table but went on at you to take on your colleagues offer

Not the friend's fault at all don't worry, she's working a shift on Xmas day and may end up doing overtime (so doesn't want to make any promises she can't keep re Christmas dinner or anything). She was trying to help me out of my comfort zone I think, it was just in the wrong scenario for all of us!

Personally, I'd just leave it. I did know a woman who would push and push for you to join her with plans, then when you'd arrive, she'd act like you were intruding. Some people are just weird like that.

Did you have any prior signs that she was going to do that? I'm sorry to hear it, how uncomfortable. If that's true for my colleague I would never have expected it @BlackCatShadow

@christmasfear
This is a nightmare! I feel for you. You should definitely send another message giving her a chance to back out. Maybe just "hi, following on from my email to you, I would still love to come for christmas day, but just reading the news, I'm wondering whether its wise? Please let me know what you feel comfortable with - if you think it's too risky for your family then i completely understand."

But definitely be proactive here.

Maybe she just assumes you are now going?

I told her I'd have a think and let her know. Now I'm worrying about mistakenly not showing up on Christmas and making things awkward for her
@ArosAdraDrosDolig

I'm in two minds between just leaving the whole thing alone and waiting to see if she responds, and sending a breezy email. Breezy email sounds best for dignity but I'm also a bit awkward with the "double emailing" thing {like double texting). It's been a good amount of days now though and Christmas is less than a week away! @CrotchBurn

I don't think many people would invite someone if they didn't mean it. She either hasn't read your message for whatever reason or her situation has changed to make it inadvisable for you to attend and she's trying to decide how to tell you. I would mention it to her. You have no reason to be embarrassed, she invited you, if the invite is no longer on the table and she's deliberately not mentioning it then the embarrassment should be with her.

I'm sorry you'll be alone on Christmas day. I had to do it once, tbh it wasn't so bad. I binge watched TV all morning then ate/drank till I dropped in the afternoon xx

She might have thought she had replied (I do this constantly). Talk to her!

Personally I'd send one of the suggested emails saying you'll be staying at home in light of the announcements yesterday, because if you do go you'd probably spend the whole time wondering if she actually wanted you there.

Personally I'd send one of the suggested emails saying you'll be staying at home in light of the announcements yesterday, because if you do go you'd probably spend the whole time wondering if she actually wanted you there.

The announcements are for England and I think (if I am not totally oblivious to an update!) Scotland is still going ahead with things. @NoGoodPunsLeft

I'm sorry you'll be alone on Christmas day. I had to do it once, tbh it wasn't so bad. I binge watched TV all morning then ate/drank till I dropped in the afternoon xx

Thank you @MRC20 x I'm sure I'll be absolutely fine, it is a bit shoddy after family stuff but I'll manage to cope. Now it's just awkward overall with this situation though

Dont build it up too much in your head OP, send an email tomorrow morning to get it off your mind

I think she is very rude not to reply. I would have sent one back saying great how about x time and any food you can't eat etc. I had a woman who went to my gym come over on Christmas day once when I found out she was going to be alone. I tried my hardest to make her feel very welcome, she bought the cheese and she stayed 5-6 hours which was perfect for both of us. Her 'close' friends hadn't even asked her who she would spend Christmas with and all said afterwards she should have just asked which in my mind is awkward and rude whereas I offered and we had a good time. I really hope she isn't the sort of person that offered but wanted to feel like she was a good person for offering (and even worse tell others) but doesn't actually want you to say yes. This is all on her not you but I would double email in this instance.

[quote SquinnyYouSay]@christmasfear she is in the wrong imo. It's not a nice thing she has done.[/quote]
This. She is the one who should be feeling awkward.

Op you were on a zoom call when she invited you?

We’re others present?

Could she have invited you just to seem nice in front of other people?

I would think she’s forgotten to respond, read it in a rush and meant to get back to you

This. She is the one who should be feeling awkward.

I'm just worrying and over-analysing a bit. I don't want this to make things uncomfortable at work, but I don't know why she'd offer if she didn't mean it! Or if she did offer and didn't mean it, why she couldn't just come up with an excuse... that's the only good use of Covid, after all!
@chillibeansauce

I really hope she isn't the sort of person that offered but wanted to feel like she was a good person for offering

Maybe that's what happened. She knows a bit about my family stuff so maybe she wanted to "take me in" as I'm young (ish). Still that's pretty shocking isn't it ... I wouldn't offer to someone who's already going through some shit if I couldn't facilitate it!
If you change your mind at least drop a quick response so I don't have to sit around being anxious @Coffeesnob11

Op you were on a zoom call when she invited you?
We’re others present?
Could she have invited you just to seem nice in front of other people?

No it was one-on-one which makes it even weirder. I absolutely would not have taken her up on it if it were in front of other people even with my friend's pushing, because I would have had the thought of "this might just be another socially nice act that's empty". We were just having a chat and she asked me my plans for Christmas and if Covid had affected anything, and that's how we got onto it all.
@Hellotheresweet

I would think she’s forgotten to respond, read it in a rush and meant to get back to you

Maybe. I hope so, because that might make things less awkward, but it's cutting it pretty fine now we are less than a week away. @Porridgeoat