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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report this even though my dd could get in trouble?

248 replies

DannyOD · 19/12/2020 14:45

I live in London. Very high rates of Covid and rising. It is DD’s best friend’s 21st birthday and she is having a party. We are not happy about her attending and have told her so but she is insisting on going. Her cousins were 18 and 21 this year and have managed without celebrating!! I am friends with her best friends Mum and have told her of my worries but she is all breezy about it saying they have a marquee so they can go in the garden (still not allowed). So WIBU to anonymously report the party even though it could get them all in trouble? Or should I just cross my fingers and hope for the best?

OP posts:
NoSleepTil · 19/12/2020 14:51

You should mind your own business

EmmaWithTheGreatHair · 19/12/2020 14:54

Why should the OP mind her own business when her DD is adamant she’s attending and (I presume) will then be coming home after mixing with others.

This is why the virus is spreading!

I would report!

EmmaWithTheGreatHair · 19/12/2020 14:55

His many are going?

EmmaWithTheGreatHair · 19/12/2020 14:55

*how

ForestNymph · 19/12/2020 14:57

I wouldn't grass up my own kids, no.

Original poster
DannyOD · 19/12/2020 14:57

I think around 20 people. Dd is also staying overnight.

OP posts:
MobLife · 19/12/2020 14:58

Of course you should report it! It's a full on party

Everyone in the southeast is about to have their Christmas plans curtailed because of selfish sods like this who don't seem to think the rules apply to them

itsmschanandlerbong · 19/12/2020 14:58

Keep out of it.

queenofknives · 19/12/2020 14:59

Oh ffs let them have some fun and mind your own business. I hate all this snooping and reporting on people. You would even report on your own child? Disgusting.

emilyfrost · 19/12/2020 14:59

YANBU. I wouldn’t hesitate to report and I would let DD know I was doing so too.

ForestNymph · 19/12/2020 15:00

@queenofknives

Oh ffs let them have some fun and mind your own business. I hate all this snooping and reporting on people. You would even report on your own child? Disgusting.
I hate it too. Curtain twitchers are having a field day. 🙄
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 19/12/2020 15:01

I wouldn’t report the whole party but I would tell DD she can’t go and then come back to your house.

Northofsomewhere · 19/12/2020 15:01

What have to said to your daughter about it? Did you make it clear you weren't happy because of the covid risk not necessarily to her but to other people she meets? Are you meeting up with any at risk family during the allowed period? She's clearly being selfish by going and risking not only herself but other people she's spending time with.
If I was one of the friends neighbours I wouldn't hesitate in phoning the police over a gathering or party that was clearly against covid rules (where it was clearly 5+ households) especially at Christmas/new year because of the chance of covid very quickly spreading between multiple households. The risk to vulnerable people and tbh everyone else who's not aware the teen went to a party with 20+ people only 6 days before Xmas, these people then go to work being a-symtomatic and you have loads of people infected.

CoolCatTaco · 19/12/2020 15:02

I also think you should mind your own business. Your problem isn't the friend having a party, it's your DD's disregard for how you feel. If she had told you about the party but said she didn't want to go, would you still want to sneak on them?? I agree they shouldn't be holding a party in the first place, but it feels a bit Nazi Germany to report on your friends.

htbzLlhcR · 19/12/2020 15:02

People hosting parties can be issued with a fine, as can any other people who are involved in hosting it. Based on this, I don't think your daughter could be fined for it - just the friend and the mom (or a joint fine as they're the same household).

I would definitely report it, personally. Not only is your daughter and all party attendees at risk of contracting covid and potentially being hospitalised or worse, your family is being out at risk due to your daughter deciding to go. But think before you report - since you've already expressed concern and unhappiness at the idea, could they suspect you as being the person reporting it? Hopefully they'd just think it was a neighbour but have a think about what you'd do if they accused you.

I don't think you're being unreasonable OP. I think people saying to mind your own business are being irresponsible. As a community, as a country, we should be working together to get the rate down, not ignoring the rules and the rule breakers.

Sirzy · 19/12/2020 15:03

I would tell your daughter she needs to isolate for two weeks before coming home if she is going to be stupid as to go to a party.

It’s no wonder that things are getting so out of control again

AlwaysCheddar · 19/12/2020 15:04

London could be in complete lockdown so your dd is bu

Splann · 19/12/2020 15:04

I wouldn’t report the whole party but I would tell DD she can’t go and then come back to your house

This ^^ Tell her she has to self isolate for however long it is these days (10 days) at her own expense. Otherwise she is putting the rest of the family at risk.

MillieVanilla · 19/12/2020 15:05

DFOD
Biscuit

Tistheseason17 · 19/12/2020 15:05

I'd report anonymously. It's 20+ people - not 5.
When you've known people who have been on ventilator and/or died, you have very different views on whether to report or not.
My friend gave Covid to her elderly Aunt. My friend had been blasé, shopping everywhere before lockdown. Thought she was untouchable, Gave it to her Aunt who now has life changing medical issues. Friend feels very differently, now.

Echobelly · 19/12/2020 15:06

Please stop using Nazi Germany anaologies, everyone. It is really distasteful.

My grandfather's family being dragged to their deaths by people who hated them for merely existing is not comparable to opening people to the risk of nothing worse than getting fined for selfishly gathering together during a pandemic, whether you agree reporting that or not.

I should not be having to say this to people.

LynetteScavo · 19/12/2020 15:06

I wouldn't report the party, but I would be telling my DD to self isolate before returning to my house. And definitely wouldn't be letting her anywhere near more vulnerable family members (and telling them why)

MobLife · 19/12/2020 15:06

@ForestNymph and @queenofknives

The UK is suffering because of attitudes like yours

Come to work with me or one of my colleagues for a day in a London hospital and you'll soon change your tune

RoomOfRequirement · 19/12/2020 15:07

If this was a case of 'You do something bad and only you suffer the consequences' then they should go right ahead. But its not. I lost a parent this year because of selfish people like your daughters friend. They think they're invincible but don't think of the people they then spread it to who spread it to someone else.

My parent only went to the supermarket and home. That's all. But she had to travel by bus. Someone on that journey or at that store had been infected either by their own selfish decisions or by someone else's and she paid the price.

Its disgusting.

SantaClausComingToTown · 19/12/2020 15:07

" I am friends with her best friends Mum and"

Some friend you are. Just keep out and if you feel so strongly don't let your Dd attend.