Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report this even though my dd could get in trouble?

248 replies

DannyOD · 19/12/2020 14:45

I live in London. Very high rates of Covid and rising. It is DD’s best friend’s 21st birthday and she is having a party. We are not happy about her attending and have told her so but she is insisting on going. Her cousins were 18 and 21 this year and have managed without celebrating!! I am friends with her best friends Mum and have told her of my worries but she is all breezy about it saying they have a marquee so they can go in the garden (still not allowed). So WIBU to anonymously report the party even though it could get them all in trouble? Or should I just cross my fingers and hope for the best?

OP posts:
user1471539324 · 19/12/2020 15:32

@InTheDrunkTank

For the record I agree that too much snooping and curtain twitching is awful, if my neighbour pops in to see her elderly mother when she's already had her brother and sister round on xmas day I certainly won't be calling 999. However having a party during a global epidemic with numbers rising and a new worse strain out is bloody ridiculously selfish.

With any crime there's a limit where you can look the other way (e.g. harmless neighbour occasionally smoking a join in their back garden) but at some point, especially when other people's lives are at risk when you have a responsibility to report it (e.g. neighbour getting stoned and driving off in their car at speed).

This 100%. I don’t care what choices people make in life, as long as they don’t have the potential to hurt other people.

There was a comment further up that lockdown was supposed to be a temporary measure only until there was a long term plan. Well we have a long term plan now to vaccinate, yet these silly buggers are making the country fall at the last hurdle. We are within touching distance of vaccinating our most vulnerable. Those most vulnerable folks are about to go into Xmas bubbles with their close family members, yet you have some of those family members attending mass gatherings just before the start of the Xmas bubble. What could happen next?...

GoldfishParade · 19/12/2020 15:33

A marquee in a London garden during Covid in December?! Very Made in Chelsea 😂

AlternativePerspective · 19/12/2020 15:33

Yeah let's bring about a society when family members report on each other to the government and the police. That'll be a healthy society for us all. it’s hardly the same is it? This isn’t just someone grassing up their child for meeting a friend, this is a gathering of 20 plus people in a marquee in someone’s back garden - an event which the neighbours might even report in non COVID times because of how antisocial it is likely to be.

warmandtoasty2day · 19/12/2020 15:34

she would be isolating else where at her own expense if she was my dd, but there is no way that this is acceptable to go ahead anyway.
some people are selfish twats thinking that this is okay, you have covid with complications then report back it wasn't so bad. my dm is currently dying from related side effects of covid in hospital, so all you yabu twats can fuck right off with your stupid comments and being selfish.

unicornparty · 19/12/2020 15:35

I'd definitely report. We've all lost plans, family members etc this year. Why do they think they don't have to cancel theirs. It's a party in a tier 3 area - of course you report it.

Ladylimpet · 19/12/2020 15:35

Tier 4 for London... not good. I'd report. Selfish bastards

BritWifeinUSA · 19/12/2020 15:35

@Oblomov20

Instead of reporting why don't you just insist to dd that she can't go! This is called proper parenting! Hmm
It’s a 21st birthday. As this the daughter’s friend, presumably the daughter is around the same age. Would you have appreciated being told not to go out at 21 by your parents? She’s not a child. She doesn’t need to be parented. She needs her mother to kind her own business about her social life.
Fredelliottisayfredelliott · 19/12/2020 15:36

@queenofknives

Oh ffs let them have some fun and mind your own business. I hate all this snooping and reporting on people. You would even report on your own child? Disgusting.
This!
negomi90 · 19/12/2020 15:36

The issue with saying she can't come home for 10 days after the party is where would she go? In all likelihood she'd be staying with friends/sofa surfing and continually increasing her exposure during those 10 days, so either its 10 days and even higher risk to the OP than just from the party or its indefinite don't come home.
Better to say that if she comes home, she needs to stay in her room and isolate at home (which then adds work of bringing her food to the OP and bathroom issues).

Falalalalallalalalaaahic · 19/12/2020 15:36

She is an adult she will have to deal with the consequences

NotOfThisWorld · 19/12/2020 15:37

Yeah let's bring about a society when family members report on each other to the government and the police. That'll be a healthy society for us all.

Or we could have a society where we're so selfish that a birthday party is worth risking the lives of your family, friends and neighbours. That sounds lovely!

tinselfest · 19/12/2020 15:38

@NoSleepTil

You should mind your own business
And....

This attitude is exactly why this damned virus is spreading like wildfire at the moment.

cjpark · 19/12/2020 15:38

I'd report it without hesitation. I'm sick of working in PPE everyday, seeing rates of patients with covid increase and people die because their treatment has been delayed. Fed up with my kids missing out on a proper education and not seeing family for months because we're both working in close contact with covid. Report the selfish idiots.

Stompythedinosaur · 19/12/2020 15:39

I think they are being exceptionally stupid and selfish. I wouldn't blame you for reporting it, they arent just endangering themselves, they are endangering others.

I would expect there to be much risk of your dd getting into trouble tbh, I'd just expect the police to tell them to go home.

diddl · 19/12/2020 15:42

If you report it & she is sent home-would you want her back at yours anyway Op?

If not you might as well just tell her not to come to yours for 10 days or whatever it is now.

queenofknives · 19/12/2020 15:44

@AlternativePerspective

Yeah let's bring about a society when family members report on each other to the government and the police. That'll be a healthy society for us all. it’s hardly the same is it? This isn’t just someone grassing up their child for meeting a friend, this is a gathering of 20 plus people in a marquee in someone’s back garden - an event which the neighbours might even report in non COVID times because of how antisocial it is likely to be.
Does it really matter what you're reporting your family member to the authorities for? It's just wrong.

I used to look at history and wonder how people could turn their family members, friends and neighbours over to the Nazis or the Stasi. And now I see that it was just ordinary people, like the oh so respectable mumsnetters, who are so in thrall to any kind of authority that they are willing to sacrifice every liberty, and every human connection, even the bond between parent and child, in order to do what they're told. I find it reprehensible and ugly behaviour, and I don't believe it leads anywhere good. In fact, history tells us quite clearly that this kind of behaviour never leads anywhere good.

nosswith · 19/12/2020 15:45

Give the mum the opportunity to call it off, making it very clear that if it happens you will call the police straight away. Not a threat, make it clear you will and 100% go through with this, if it proves to be needed.

Do not be a coward and report anonymously or just wait for the party to happen. When you report it to the police perhaps let them know that you spoke to the mum beforehand.

goodwinter · 19/12/2020 15:45

@InTheDrunkTank

For the record I agree that too much snooping and curtain twitching is awful, if my neighbour pops in to see her elderly mother when she's already had her brother and sister round on xmas day I certainly won't be calling 999. However having a party during a global epidemic with numbers rising and a new worse strain out is bloody ridiculously selfish.

With any crime there's a limit where you can look the other way (e.g. harmless neighbour occasionally smoking a join in their back garden) but at some point, especially when other people's lives are at risk when you have a responsibility to report it (e.g. neighbour getting stoned and driving off in their car at speed).

I completely agree. I'm not a fan of "grassing" for minor transgressions but this is way beyond the line imo. 20 young adults that probably won't even be the ones to live with the consequences. It's reckless and selfish.
emilyfrost · 19/12/2020 15:45

@twilightermummy

I really wouldn't do this to my daughter. I'm not sure how the police punishq covid but could she gain a criminal record for this? It would make certain jobs difficult for her to apply for. You've advised, she has made her own choice.
And she has to live with the consequences of that choice, however harsh they may be.
Wheresmykimchi · 19/12/2020 15:47

@BritWifeinUSA but it is her business when the daughter visits and infects everyone though isn't it?

NotOfThisWorld · 19/12/2020 15:48

Does it really matter what you're reporting your family member to the authorities for? It's just wrong.

This is so obviously stupid I'm amazed anyone could post it. Are you telling me that if your family member was a serial killer or abusing children you wouldn't report them? If so you're unbelievably selfish.

Now obviously a party isn't as extreme as serial killing, but it definitely goes past the limit of pushing the boundaries into reckless, selfish behaviour and should be reported.

Nunoftheother · 19/12/2020 15:48

@NoSleepTil

You should mind your own business
Surely it is her business if someone in her household is attending the party.
HennyLenry · 19/12/2020 15:48

Oh deary deary deary deary deary deary me.

What has COVID turned people into? You'd shop your own daughter? Jeez, the brainwashing really worked on you.

Tea3 · 19/12/2020 15:49

Tell your daughter not to go, she may be an adult but its your house your rules.

Wheresmykimchi · 19/12/2020 15:50

I am quite a bit older than the OP but have sacrificed things I would normally do to keep my mum at ease while I stay in her house over Christmas. You know , because I respect her.