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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TV for 6 year old? Unsolicited present...

186 replies

blessedfig · 19/12/2020 08:57

It turns out dh's parents have got a tv and dvd player for ds to have in his room for Christmas - they dropped it all off yesterday and told us what it is, though it seems dh knew this was planned.

I think ds is too young for this and I really don't want to put it in his room. Dh says he had one in his room as a child and it helped him get to sleep, which to me isn't a great habit to be forming. We have had a few issues with ds getting out of bed and getting toys out over the last few months following him being poorly and getting out of routine, but it's not a massive issue imo - he's not tearing round the house or anything. Dh says it s an issue and tv would calm him down but I'd rather him be playing than lying in bed watching telly tbh. Also, I have got him an Alexa and was going to encourage him to us it to listen to audio books in the evening and now that will be redundant Sad. I read to him now, which he likes so thought he'd like the audio books...

I don't want to fall out with parents in law over this but I'm annoyed they and dh have cooked this up behind my back. I'd like to put this new tv in the playroom and tell ds this is what it's for when he opens it. We have an older dd who only got a tv in her room when she was 12 so I see no need for ds to be having one at 6. Dh is insistent his parents have bought it for the bedroom so it's going in there...

AIBU?

OP posts:
RelightMyPfizer · 19/12/2020 08:59

I wouldn't- we didnt have tvs in rooms until mid teens.

Do you have a play room?

If it has a dvd player is it 2nd hand? Didnt think they existed any more.

PseuDenim · 19/12/2020 09:00

I have a six year old too and definitely wouldn’t want him to have a TV in his room, especially when I’m so keen to encourage his reading. I also bought him an Alexa for audiobooks as it used to help me to relax and sleep as a child when I listened to story tapes. Also if anything, certainly for my DC anyway, if they had unregulated access to a screen, they would turn it on in the middle of the night whenever they woke!

winechateauxjoy · 19/12/2020 09:00

No 6 year old needs a TV in their room. Is there anywhere else in the house you could put?

JustMarriedBecca · 19/12/2020 09:02

At 6? No way. Start of secondary school or Year 6 maybe....

Your DH was entirely unreasonable to discuss this behind your back. Sounds like he knew you would say no which is why he agreed it without mentioning it.

You do need to sort it out before Christmas though because otherwise it'll overrule the whole thing.

Hoviscats · 19/12/2020 09:02

I wouldn't allow it either. I would just be firm but polite and say how great it will be to have a TV in the playroom!

If necessary just say you wouldn't want to allow DS to have one at 6 when DD had to wait until 12. Surely that should be a good enough reason for the ILs (and your DH) to accept even if they disagree with your other (very valid!) reasons.

happytoday73 · 19/12/2020 09:02

No I wouldn't have it in their room at 6... No way...

DH presumably agreed with his parents... I'd be annoyed with him

EnglishGirlApproximately · 19/12/2020 09:03

I wouldn't be happy with this at all, for the same reasons as you. Sleeping with the TV on isn't a solution to sleep issues imo. DS is 8 and we think moving to secondary school would be the right time for TV in room, if at all. (I never had one as a child and don't know so I'm not keen but also appreciate I'm likely to have to back down at some point!)
Putting it in the playroom is a great compromise, the gift will be used and gratefully received and your DS will love having it.

SallyTimms · 19/12/2020 09:04

Give them it back and tell them they can have it their spare room.

Is your dh just wanting an easy evening in that if a TV is in dc room he gets the room free to himself on an eve?

If dc1 had TV at 12 in their room then same rule should apply to dc2.

Lolalime · 19/12/2020 09:04

Now that you have it could you not agree to use times? Only weekends for instance and unplug it at other times ?

NeonSparkle · 19/12/2020 09:05

I agree at six I think it’s ridiculous to have a tv in the bedroom. When there old enough to be at secondary school then I think that’s perfectly fine but six is way too young!

ToniTheDonkey · 19/12/2020 09:05

It doesn’t matter it DH’s parents have “bought it for the bedroom” or “insisted it is for the bedroom” - if you give a gift you can’t dictate what the recipient does with it - or where they place it.
If the GPs get upset that it’s in the playroom not the bedroom, tell them they can have it back if they don’t like it,

Bagelsandbrie · 19/12/2020 09:05

No way I’d be letting him have it in his bedroom. I don’t like TVs in bedrooms at all though. I’d just thank them and then put it elsewhere.

user1493413286 · 19/12/2020 09:07

I would be equally insistent that it’s not going in his room and that decisions like that are for you both to make. It’s unnecessary and unhealthy to watch tv to fall asleep.

InTheDrunkTank · 19/12/2020 09:07

It's a terrible idea to have a TV on in his bedroom especially as a way of getting to sleep. (Even if he does manage to fall asleep with it on he'll get poor quality sleep). Is there anywhere you could put it other than his bedroom? If not I'd perhaps let him have it in his bedroom but with very very limited times he's allowed to use it.

To be honest I thin it's an inappropriate gift to give to someone else's child since you're making a parenting decision on their behalf. That said since DH knew about it it's on him to have told his parents no.

user1493413286 · 19/12/2020 09:08

I say that about falling to sleep to tv because as a teenager I did that and it made it really difficult and stressful to go on holiday or stay at peoples houses as I then couldn’t get to sleep

AliMonkey · 19/12/2020 09:09

I would be annoyed too and would not want a six year old to have TV in their room. As PPs have said, any possibility of it going elsewhere but still labelled “DC’s TV”. I would be very cross with DH if he was involved.

My teenagers don’t have one and never will but we do have two downstairs- and they have other means of watching things like laptops but still not allowed to use overnight.

shamus2020 · 19/12/2020 09:12

Just put it on the wall. Just because it's there doesn't mean it's got to be used Confused

NerdyBird · 19/12/2020 09:13

No way would I put a tv in my 6 year old's bedroom. She'd have it on 24/7! Putting it in the playroom is fine, we have one in ours. Also if dd had to wait it's not fair. Is dd both of yours or is she just yours?

MinesAPintOfTea · 19/12/2020 09:14

It’s not going to help his sleep to have it in the bedroom. Agree that the playroom is the right place.

YABU to put an Alexa in a child’s bedroom though. They deserve privacy, not to be listened to through the cloud. MP3 player and speakers is slightly more bother but allows privacy and means your child can’t ask questions of the internet unsupervised

BiscuitDrama · 19/12/2020 09:14

Awful idea. You’re right I’m afraid.

Figgygal · 19/12/2020 09:14

Hell no
My 9 year old has an Alexa and that’s as far as we going for some time yet

notdaddycool · 19/12/2020 09:15

Hell no. I got mine after GCSEs. Given tablets and other screens I don’t think ours will even get them then.

DailyPotion · 19/12/2020 09:16

There's no way on earth my DC would be having a TV in their room at 6yo, mine were allowed any gadgets in their bedrooms, except music, until they were 16 Grin

Can it be used as a second TV downstairs? All the consoles etc lived in the dining room here, so they did have access to their own tech, just not in their rooms.

Sally872 · 19/12/2020 09:16

Dh should never have agreed without discussion. As the in laws checked with him I don't think returning it is an option but keeping it in playroom seems a good compromise. If it has to go in room then strict rules. Weekend only, or 30 mins after school then it is off.

DailyPotion · 19/12/2020 09:16

Oh fgs, weren't allowed...