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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TV for 6 year old? Unsolicited present...

186 replies

blessedfig · 19/12/2020 08:57

It turns out dh's parents have got a tv and dvd player for ds to have in his room for Christmas - they dropped it all off yesterday and told us what it is, though it seems dh knew this was planned.

I think ds is too young for this and I really don't want to put it in his room. Dh says he had one in his room as a child and it helped him get to sleep, which to me isn't a great habit to be forming. We have had a few issues with ds getting out of bed and getting toys out over the last few months following him being poorly and getting out of routine, but it's not a massive issue imo - he's not tearing round the house or anything. Dh says it s an issue and tv would calm him down but I'd rather him be playing than lying in bed watching telly tbh. Also, I have got him an Alexa and was going to encourage him to us it to listen to audio books in the evening and now that will be redundant Sad. I read to him now, which he likes so thought he'd like the audio books...

I don't want to fall out with parents in law over this but I'm annoyed they and dh have cooked this up behind my back. I'd like to put this new tv in the playroom and tell ds this is what it's for when he opens it. We have an older dd who only got a tv in her room when she was 12 so I see no need for ds to be having one at 6. Dh is insistent his parents have bought it for the bedroom so it's going in there...

AIBU?

OP posts:
StylishMummy · 19/12/2020 09:16

I was 10 when I got a TV in my room and I still think that was too young! Maybe 12?

ArmchairCritics · 19/12/2020 09:16

@shamus2020

Just put it on the wall. Just because it's there doesn't mean it's got to be used Confused
....Have you met any six year olds recently?

OP, stand firm, it’s a terrible idea - especially if there’s a playroom where it could perfectly logically go instead.

scentedgeranium · 19/12/2020 09:17

My parents did stuff like this and it's bloody annoying. Not least because you end up being the bad guy by saying your child can't in fact have a telly in their room

ByersRd · 19/12/2020 09:17

This is an issue between you and your DH and somehow you need to discuss and compromise.
He thinks your DS should have a tv in his room, you don't.

Playroom? Weekends only?

My DC's never had TVs in their rooms because I wanted them to read. ( however my DH was my ex by then....😉)

TikTokFinger · 19/12/2020 09:19

That’s a huge no no from me.

Showers3 · 19/12/2020 09:19

Definitely wouldn’t be happy with this. What an awkward position to be in!

SleepingStandingUp · 19/12/2020 09:20

Sounds like DH is imagining a quiet evening watching grown up telly and quiet weekends with both kids in their rooms

Annebronte · 19/12/2020 09:22

Put it in the playroom. I won’t even have a tv in our own bedroom, certainly not in my teenage children’s. Really bad for sleep habits and encourages kids to hide away in their rooms.

scrivette · 19/12/2020 09:23

No way would I allow it at 6 and I would be really annoyed this hadn't been discussed with me.

The Alexa is a great idea, mine have one in their bedroom and they spend ages talking to her, especially at this time of year as she tells Christmas stories and jokes and talks about how many days it is until Christmas.

Fooshufflewickjingleybells · 19/12/2020 09:23

My rule has always been no screens in rooms til left school (possibly a little draconian 😁) but it certainly hasn't hurt my six and what they don't have they don't miss.
Blue light is not good for sleeping anyway

ThelmaNotLouise · 19/12/2020 09:24

I'd be bloody furious they've done this! No six year old needs a TV in their room and there are studies after studies that says it can affect sleep. Tell them no, it's not going to happen, and give them the option to return it for something more suitable. Then read your DH the riot act for undermining you as co-parent.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 19/12/2020 09:24

My ds 6 has a TV in his bedroom on the wall for his xbox. Only allowed on at week ends for set times. And only because we have older dc(who game and won't share!) and had a spare TV!! It has no aerial so no channel access.. Does your dh always follow his dps instructions ? Stuff that!!
Point out it's hardly fair on dc1 if they had to wait until 12..

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/12/2020 09:24

Does DH often make decisions like this behind your back? I’d be very pissed off. And he can’t claim it did him no harm as he seemingly thinks it’s fine for his own 6 year old to fall asleep to the tv. It’s not. It’s a terrible habit. We don’t have a tv in our room and no bloody way would someone else decide my DD could have one.

You’re lucky you’ve had warning beforehand, put your foot down. It goes in the play room, if you want it to, or it goes back to them. And a big chat with DH about trying to pull this sort of shit and bully you in cahoots with his interfering parents.

Original poster
blessedfig · 19/12/2020 09:25

Gosh, looking unanimous, which I didn't expect.

DD is both of ours too but she never had sleep problems. I do think dh is really struggling with ds and the phase he is going through, He's always looking really irritated and saying 'FFS' (to me, not ds) when we can hear him moving about his room in the evening after bed. I just don't think tv will be the answer though.

Thing is it would actually be a lovely present if we cold put it in the playroom as it would free up the other tv and maybe dd would spend a bit more time downstairs with us (doubt it as she doesn't actually watch hers that much, just wishful thinking on my part...). But it would be handy having an extra downstairs one, I just don't want it in the bedroom.

OP posts:
OhHiya · 19/12/2020 09:25

My 7 year old has a tv in their room.... they’re allowed to use it on a Friday & Saturday night and during the school holidays. It’s not to be used on a school day. They’ve never disobeyed this rule and they’ve always behaved very responsibly with it.

I don’t see a problem as long as you’re the one who regulates the use of it.

I certainly wouldn’t allow it to be used to aid falling asleep - that’s ridiculous. And I’d also be annoyed that it was done behind my back. So yanbu there.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 19/12/2020 09:27

Tune the TV to the BBC Parliament Channel and take away the remote. Grin

VictoriasCousin · 19/12/2020 09:27

If it's a tv that only plays DVDs then I don't see the issue. Just only give the DVDs at the weekend or whenever he's allowed. I'd be much happier with a tv they watch sometimes than an Alexa being there all the time. I worry moee about privacy than blue light though

Thestrongestavenger · 19/12/2020 09:28

“Just put it on the wall. Just because it's there doesn't mean it's got to be used”

Agree with this. My DS is 6 and he has tv in his room (he moved into what used to be spare room and we left tv in there). He never watches it, doesn’t even know how to switch it on and never ask us to do it for him, in fact I can’t even remember the last time it was used.

Although I do agree DH shouldn’t have gone behind your back.

Whatwouldnanado · 19/12/2020 09:28

Obviously TV in a six year olds room is a ridiculous idea. But why is your dh siding with his parents like this? Was the TV their idea or did he suggest it? Do some research on the subjects of TV and sleep and the benefits of reading with children, show all three of them the modern thinking and put it in the playroom with time restrictions in place.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 19/12/2020 09:30

Did his dps use TV as free childcare? Is he thinking less effort needed from him /you? More tome to pander to his needs..?

GintyMcGinty · 19/12/2020 09:30

Definitely put it in the playroom. Excellent solution.

Original poster
blessedfig · 19/12/2020 09:32

The idea of putting it there but not letting him use it won't work because dh is determined it's going to solve the sleep/evening issue, so he'll be going in, putting it on and telling ds to get in bed and watch it. God, I can see it causing a lot of conflict, like if ds refuses...

OP posts:
littlemisslozza · 19/12/2020 09:33

No way! So much inappropriate stuff on TV later in an evening that could be sneakily or accidentally watched as they get older for a start and would probably interfere with enjoying a book in bed and naturally winding down. Our children are 9, 11 and 13 and we haven't got any TV's in bedrooms but we have two downstairs and other screens so we consider that to be enough.

satnighttakeaway · 19/12/2020 09:34

@shamus2020

Just put it on the wall. Just because it's there doesn't mean it's got to be used Confused
So put a TV in a 6 year olds room and then not allow them to switch in on? No one would do that would they?
TankGirl97 · 19/12/2020 09:34

Absolutely no bloody way would I allow this. I'd be so angry with DH too. It's such a weird idea, at six years old?! TV at bed time is a really bad idea.
I wouldn't put it on the wall, I'd sell it and get an educational toy instead.