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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TV for 6 year old? Unsolicited present...

186 replies

blessedfig · 19/12/2020 08:57

It turns out dh's parents have got a tv and dvd player for ds to have in his room for Christmas - they dropped it all off yesterday and told us what it is, though it seems dh knew this was planned.

I think ds is too young for this and I really don't want to put it in his room. Dh says he had one in his room as a child and it helped him get to sleep, which to me isn't a great habit to be forming. We have had a few issues with ds getting out of bed and getting toys out over the last few months following him being poorly and getting out of routine, but it's not a massive issue imo - he's not tearing round the house or anything. Dh says it s an issue and tv would calm him down but I'd rather him be playing than lying in bed watching telly tbh. Also, I have got him an Alexa and was going to encourage him to us it to listen to audio books in the evening and now that will be redundant Sad. I read to him now, which he likes so thought he'd like the audio books...

I don't want to fall out with parents in law over this but I'm annoyed they and dh have cooked this up behind my back. I'd like to put this new tv in the playroom and tell ds this is what it's for when he opens it. We have an older dd who only got a tv in her room when she was 12 so I see no need for ds to be having one at 6. Dh is insistent his parents have bought it for the bedroom so it's going in there...

AIBU?

OP posts:
ClaireP20 · 19/12/2020 11:09

Your husband is bang out of order. So are his parents. The issue isnt about the tv as such (my 7 year old has one in his room and honestly never watches it because I haven't connected it to you tube or virginmedia eymtc - just has the basic channels..) BUT the issue is his parents not asking you, and in particular your husband riding roughshot over your feelings. X

ClaireP20 · 19/12/2020 11:10

@DuzzyFuck

No no no; stand your ground OP!! Your ILs (and DH by the sounds of it) are CF for getting it without consulting you.

My only suggestion if it really HAS to go in DC's bedroom is not to connect it to an aerial and use only for DVDs (which you can then remove at bedtime / during the week?).

Good idea. Your husband's and his parents are disgraceful though.
Bvop · 19/12/2020 11:10

Isn’t there research showing kids with TVs in their bedrooms (a) get less sleep than those without and (b) have worse educational outcomes?

SelfIcellation · 19/12/2020 11:11

I have a 14yo. She doesn't have a TV in her room. If she wants to watch TV she can use the one we have in the lounge. Her cousin used to have a TV in her room and her uncle was fine with it still being on at 1am. Nope.

ClaireP20 · 19/12/2020 11:11

@purplemunkey

Is the getting up to play after bedtime that much of a problem? My DC is same age. They often read of play with their soft toys for a bit after me or DH have left the room. Then go to bed when they are ready. We don't really see it as a problem. DC does well a school and plenty of energy so it doesn't seem to impact them at all.

Has your DS' sleeping habits been having an impact on school/energy levels?

This is true, mine always get up to have a little play and read and we just let them get on with it. X
Bbq1 · 19/12/2020 11:11

The issue here isn't really whether or not your ds has a TV in his room (although 6 is too young imo)is it? The issue is your dh insisting that it is too be used as an aid to sleep which is a ridiculous and stupid idea.

SimonJT · 19/12/2020 11:12

I wouldn’t be happy about this, but I’m the only parent my son has so I don’t have to reach a compromise with the other parent.

We have one TV in our living area, I don’t have a TV in my room and I don’t use any screens in my bedroom (including my phone), I also have a policy of no screens in the hour before bed for me and my son.

My son is five and gets half an hour of TV/screen time on a school day, on a none school day he gets an hour. When leaving our home was limited this was changed, but I still kept my rule of screen time being in 30 minute chunks.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 19/12/2020 11:12

I won’t even have a TV in our bedroom because I know DH would leave it on whilst he dozed and I can’t sleep through it.

My DC are teens and they still don’t have a TV in their rooms.

TheClitterati · 19/12/2020 11:16

I know lots of people do this, but I would never have tv in kids bedroom.

13yo now has computer which is effectively a tv in bedroom - but she stops all screens at 8pm.

BluntAndToThePoint80 · 19/12/2020 11:19

Sounds to me like it was bought with your DH’s approval and knowledge, so it’s unreasonable to blame the PIL.

Not sure I’d like it in the bedroom at that age. I’d prefer playroom myself as you’ve suggested.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 19/12/2020 11:19

Do you have a kindle fire stock or similar? Put that in the back and search up meditation or lullaby music or similar on YouTube. Then use it for sound, the videos have relaxing videos on but you can turn the colour and brightness down so it's almost black.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 19/12/2020 11:21

*stick

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 19/12/2020 11:22

In two minds here.
On one hand you should have been asked first for something like that and your dh should have discussed with you if he knew, sounds like he's fed up and looking for an easy fix, but..
Both of mine have had tv's in their rooms since around that age. Then it was just for dvds on a weekend or school holidays and not at night, they never try even now to watch at night because it's just never been allowed. Now they're older (11+12) they can watch it when they want to chill out alone. They have Alexa too. They're both quite capable of reading a book and are both very intelligent, it's not killed their brain cells yet.

Somewhereelsewhere · 19/12/2020 11:26

I’m not sure there is an evidence that fast moving images help children fall asleep! Infact i believe all the latest studies show that it stimulates the brain.
There is no sleep consultant in the world who would recommend it.
All they do is keep kids quiet until sleep overtakes. Your husband wants to not have to deal with any bedtime stress before bed and is dressing it up as a helpful tool.
I can understand bit being able to cope at the end of the day but the pretense that it’s not just a total cop out is silly.
It’s an awful idea.

justkeepmoving11 · 19/12/2020 11:28

A tv in the bedroom for a 6 year old sounds like a bad idea but this doesn't sound like your PIL fault. I will resist for as long as possible with ours because I had one when I was 12/13 and remember sneaking it on very late at night and definitely watching things that weren't appropriate at that age. My parents would have trusted me too and would have had no idea that I was doing that!

Freddiefox · 19/12/2020 11:30

I don’t think the blame lies with your in laws though.
Your dh clearly knows/asked about it so really it’s him so it’s between you and him.

LannieDuck · 19/12/2020 11:35

Your DH is the issue here. There's no way my kids are having TVs in their rooms.

Disfordarkchocolate · 19/12/2020 11:48

Put it in the playroom. Mine had a tv in room quite young, it's only ever been for games though.

AlbertCampion · 19/12/2020 11:50

Our DS (8) potters after bedtime and has done for years. I think your issue is getting DH to understand that this is normal and fine - in fact, I think it's a useful way for him to self-settle. DS will pick a book from his shelf, do some colouring, play with cards. We also have an Alexa which has been great for listening to audiobooks - he's done the entire Harry Potter collection. We don't have TV upstairs for any of us. Why is your DH so concerned about DS self-settling? If he's happy and well rested, then it's fine, surely.

4amWitchingHour · 19/12/2020 12:09

@blessedfig

The idea of putting it there but not letting him use it won't work because dh is determined it's going to solve the sleep/evening issue, so he'll be going in, putting it on and telling ds to get in bed and watch it. God, I can see it causing a lot of conflict, like if ds refuses...
Screens to sleep is a TERRIBLE idea, what on earth is your H thinking?? Confused

Sounds like this is the crux of the issue and the two of you are going to have to thrash it out as a parenting decision- the Christmas present is irrelevant (other than your H trying to use it to force his viewpoint)

PerseverancePays · 19/12/2020 12:11

@blessedfig

The idea of putting it there but not letting him use it won't work because dh is determined it's going to solve the sleep/evening issue, so he'll be going in, putting it on and telling ds to get in bed and watch it. God, I can see it causing a lot of conflict, like if ds refuses...
Tell your H to read up how the blue light emitted from screens blocks the hormone (melatonin I think) that gets you to sleep. So telly at bedtime = harder to fall asleep. My daughter was a terrible sleeper and we let her read in bed with her own little lamp and not get up from a very young age. Sometimes she did some drawing on a tray, but she had to stay quiet as the rest of us wanted to sleep. And she did. She grew out of it when she was about six. Audio books is a much better route to getting his brain to calm down, tv is stimulating. Sounds like your H is profoundly irritated by your son’s sleep problems and sees the tv as an easy solution to his own irritation.
BlueJag · 19/12/2020 12:13

Our son is 15 and he doesn't have a tv in his room. We don't have one either. 6 is way too young.

Ilovechocolatetoomuch · 19/12/2020 12:15

I thought the blue light in TV keeps them awake?

Hopeisnotastrategy · 19/12/2020 12:22

Having insisted that your older child wait until she was 12, you cannot allow your six year old to have a tv in the bedroom at 6. That will seem monstrously unfair to her - because it is.

The eldest child in a family always has the roughest ride in terms of negotiating new privileges as they get older, that's the way of the world, but this would be so blatant. Do not create a situation where in her eyes you have a "golden child" (and a boy to boot). We so often see on MN how these grievances fester and continue into adult life.

Your idea for putting it in the playroom is perfect. Give your husband what for.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 19/12/2020 12:25

This would piss me off immensely. IME as soon as screens are allowed in bedrooms then the reading reduces dramatically. Put it in the playroom.