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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TV for 6 year old? Unsolicited present...

186 replies

blessedfig · 19/12/2020 08:57

It turns out dh's parents have got a tv and dvd player for ds to have in his room for Christmas - they dropped it all off yesterday and told us what it is, though it seems dh knew this was planned.

I think ds is too young for this and I really don't want to put it in his room. Dh says he had one in his room as a child and it helped him get to sleep, which to me isn't a great habit to be forming. We have had a few issues with ds getting out of bed and getting toys out over the last few months following him being poorly and getting out of routine, but it's not a massive issue imo - he's not tearing round the house or anything. Dh says it s an issue and tv would calm him down but I'd rather him be playing than lying in bed watching telly tbh. Also, I have got him an Alexa and was going to encourage him to us it to listen to audio books in the evening and now that will be redundant Sad. I read to him now, which he likes so thought he'd like the audio books...

I don't want to fall out with parents in law over this but I'm annoyed they and dh have cooked this up behind my back. I'd like to put this new tv in the playroom and tell ds this is what it's for when he opens it. We have an older dd who only got a tv in her room when she was 12 so I see no need for ds to be having one at 6. Dh is insistent his parents have bought it for the bedroom so it's going in there...

AIBU?

OP posts:
Leagueofgentlemenfan · 19/12/2020 09:35

Both of my kids have a smart tv in the bedrooms. My som is 10, it is for his xbox. He also uses it to watch netflix and youtube.
My 6 year old had hers for xmas last year. She also uses it for netflix and youtube. She tends to have it on in the background whilst she is playing. She doesnt use it to go to sleep. Its switched off before bedtime.
Im actually really surprised at the unanimous verdict of no on here, i thought everyones kids had tvs in their room. All of my kids friends do Confused

WhatDoHedgehogsSay · 19/12/2020 09:35

No way! And I would be well pissed off that this type of present had just been bought without my knowledge. That’s such an unfair position to put you in.

IndecentFeminist · 19/12/2020 09:37

Definitely not. No TVs in rooms here. We may renegotiate when the kids are mid teens.

Iwantacookie · 19/12/2020 09:38

I had a tv for my 6th xmas but my parents did deliver me a little brother the day before so it was sort of a bribe.
Mine were about 7/8 except for ds2 who shares with ds1 so he had one much earlier. You could always limit time on it.

shamus2020 · 19/12/2020 09:39

@satnighttakeaway my girls share a room they are 4&6 they have a smart tv and have it on if they are playing in there for background noise. It's never on at bedtime and they have never asked because they know it's the norm to go to sleep without it. It's high up they can't reach it and they the remotes up there too. It hasn't been switched on for about 7-8 weeks so isn't constantly used.

APeakyBlinder · 19/12/2020 09:39

@blessedfig

Gosh, looking unanimous, which I didn't expect.

DD is both of ours too but she never had sleep problems. I do think dh is really struggling with ds and the phase he is going through, He's always looking really irritated and saying 'FFS' (to me, not ds) when we can hear him moving about his room in the evening after bed. I just don't think tv will be the answer though.

Thing is it would actually be a lovely present if we cold put it in the playroom as it would free up the other tv and maybe dd would spend a bit more time downstairs with us (doubt it as she doesn't actually watch hers that much, just wishful thinking on my part...). But it would be handy having an extra downstairs one, I just don't want it in the bedroom.

Maybe you could try a compromise- a month or so trying the Alexa/ audiobooks in his room, with the tv in the playroom but if the sleep issues persist after a month then move the tv to the bedroom?
londongirl12 · 19/12/2020 09:40

Yes don't let a 6 year old fall asleep to the tv. It's a terrible habit that will be hard to break. I'd be curious with DH

Cowgran · 19/12/2020 09:41

TV in the bedroom is the worst thing you can do for good sleep habits and makes it harder for you to monitor their screen time and what they are watching. I am really anti it and don't have one in my own room either. I can say with absolute certainty that I won't be allowing TVs in my girls rooms. I think you need to show your husband some research on sleep and TV in rooms to get him on side then perhaps thank in-laws for the gift and set it up in a playroom or similar.

OhHiya · 19/12/2020 09:42

@littlemisslozza

No way! So much inappropriate stuff on TV later in an evening that could be sneakily or accidentally watched as they get older for a start and would probably interfere with enjoying a book in bed and naturally winding down. Our children are 9, 11 and 13 and we haven't got any TV's in bedrooms but we have two downstairs and other screens so we consider that to be enough.
My child’s tv isn’t connected to the ‘tv’. They only use a child profile on Netflix or for dvds.

I don’t see a problem with it as long as it’s regulated.

Op, your Dh is a dick for wanting it to be on every night to get him to sleep. It won’t help him sleep, it will stimulate instead. When does he plan for bedtime stories of the tv is on all the time?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 19/12/2020 09:42

Tv in a child's bedroom would be non negotiable in this house - it would be a flat no. I'm quite happy to compromise on stuff that dh would be happy with and me less so. He is an equal parent. Bit we do both have absolutes. No tv in the bedroom is one of mine.

ChristmasTreeFairy5000 · 19/12/2020 09:43

@shamus2020

Just put it on the wall. Just because it's there doesn't mean it's got to be used Confused
This.

Just because the TV lives in his bedroom, it doesn't mean that he has to sit with it on to fall asleep with. You can unplug it and take the remote at bedtime.

Its the same as everything, the technology itself is not the issue. Its how you parent it.

JMG1234 · 19/12/2020 09:43

I'm with you, there's no way I'd want a tv in my kids' bedroom at that age. My sons are teenagers and don't have TVs in their room, but there is a spare tv in the playroom if they want to watch something different than the rest of us. Or the oldest can watch tv on his iPad in his room but that can be removed overnight at least.

With my youngest, it would be another thing to monitor that I don't want or need to.

midnightstar66 · 19/12/2020 09:44

My 11 year old doesn't even have a tv although I might let her have one soon for when she can have friends round again. At 6 no way is it needed. I think they should still be spending down time at home with adults rather than holed away in a bedroom and tv to sleep is never a good idea at this age either. Or would also be totally used to us on the DVD front as we don't own a single one. Do people still buy those?

KarlKennedysDurianFruit · 19/12/2020 09:47

My DN got a TV for his fifth birthday, I was shocked and glad the majority seem to be on the same page as me, I don't think a five year old should be sent off to their room to watch YouTube. The playroom in your situation seems a good compromise, although personally I wouldn't want one there either, but then we have over 32 inch TV in our house and that's plenty for us. Watching TV in bed isn't good for sleep hygiene for anyone, the only time I miss it is if I'm ill and want to snuggle up in bed, I usually either settle on the sofa or use my laptop, definitely no need for a child that young to have a TV in the bedroom.
Lazy parenting for an easier life seems to be your DHs plan.

rainbowstardrops · 19/12/2020 09:51

I'd be absolutely furious with your DH for going behind your back! What an idiot to think that letting a six year old watch tv to fall asleep is a good idea!
So what if your DS is still happily watching it at 9.30/10pm, is your DH going to deal with the tantrums when it needs to be turned off???
He sounds like a lazy parent and he'd be better off looking into decent strategies to try that require some effort from him.
Also, this is probably just a phase that your young child is going through but if he starts getting dependent on the tv being on to sleep then you might have major problems once he's a teenager!!!
So YANBU but your DH most definitely is!

purplemunkey · 19/12/2020 09:51

I wouldn't put a TV in my 6yr olds bedroom either. I don't think I had one until I was 12 or 13. A friend of DC has one in their room. When we've gone for playdates before and I go to collect DC from friend's room they are sitting there watching crap on TV, which I find a bit sad really. I prefer to meet them out and about for this reason.

nanbread · 19/12/2020 09:53

He's always looking really irritated and saying 'FFS' (to me, not ds) when we can hear him moving about his room in the evening after bed.

God he doesn't know how easy he has it, my almost 8 year old still calls out for us every night! Not like your DS is bothering you, he needs to chill out.

Why is he so bothered, because he wants DS to sleep more?

Send him this link if yes. Children with TVs in their rooms actually sleep LESS.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.realsimple.com/work-life/family/kids-parenting/television-in-kids-bedrooms%3famp=true

MrsKJones · 19/12/2020 09:53

We got our 10 year old DS a tv earlier this year. Mainly for his playstation. He plays for an hour or so after school (once homework is done) and then he has a few hours at a weekend. Remote control is removed at bedtime. He is generally pretty good with it and knows if he misbehaves it will be removed.

Agree with you about playroom but you and DH need a discussion and reach a compromise before this gift is opened.

twinklespells · 19/12/2020 09:53

Wouldn't allow it in the bedroom either. DH and I don't have one in our room, bedrooms are for sleep. We have two TVs, one in the front room and a small one in the kitchen, the idea being we can put the news on when doing dinner or breakfast, but it's very rarely used to be honest, we sit in the front room if we want to watch something. I got a TV in my room when I was 8 and basically spent all my life upstairs after that.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 19/12/2020 09:54

Its the same as everything, the technology itself is not the issue. Its how you parent it

So a gift the OP doesn't want her son to have now becomes something she has to manage daily? Because it doesn't sound like the dad will be doing any parenting around it.

Even more reason for the OP to push back.

Sally872 · 19/12/2020 09:54

When ds moves around upstairs what is he doing? Telling a 6 year old to get to bed a few times is hardly a massive inconvenience or difficult child. Dh needs to lower his expectations.

nanbread · 19/12/2020 09:55

So a gift the OP doesn't want her son to have now becomes something she has to manage daily? Because it doesn't sound like the dad will be doing any parenting around it.

Exactly.

Saying your don't want it in the bedroom IS how OP is parenting it.

GameSetMatch · 19/12/2020 09:56

I have a six year old and there’s no way I’d let him have a TV in his room, I also wouldn’t encourage him to watch a TV before bed, at six children still need a calm down before bed such as your brilliant idea of a audio book, not the flashing lights of a TV.

HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 19/12/2020 09:56

Absolutely fucking not, if for no other reason than DD will find it incredibly unfair and will be pissed off.

I have a TV in my bedroom, my DC are 12, 10 and 5, every weekend we snuggle up in my bed and watch a movie. Its the only time it's actually used!

DuzzyFuck · 19/12/2020 09:59

No no no; stand your ground OP!! Your ILs (and DH by the sounds of it) are CF for getting it without consulting you.

My only suggestion if it really HAS to go in DC's bedroom is not to connect it to an aerial and use only for DVDs (which you can then remove at bedtime / during the week?).

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