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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TV for 6 year old? Unsolicited present...

186 replies

blessedfig · 19/12/2020 08:57

It turns out dh's parents have got a tv and dvd player for ds to have in his room for Christmas - they dropped it all off yesterday and told us what it is, though it seems dh knew this was planned.

I think ds is too young for this and I really don't want to put it in his room. Dh says he had one in his room as a child and it helped him get to sleep, which to me isn't a great habit to be forming. We have had a few issues with ds getting out of bed and getting toys out over the last few months following him being poorly and getting out of routine, but it's not a massive issue imo - he's not tearing round the house or anything. Dh says it s an issue and tv would calm him down but I'd rather him be playing than lying in bed watching telly tbh. Also, I have got him an Alexa and was going to encourage him to us it to listen to audio books in the evening and now that will be redundant Sad. I read to him now, which he likes so thought he'd like the audio books...

I don't want to fall out with parents in law over this but I'm annoyed they and dh have cooked this up behind my back. I'd like to put this new tv in the playroom and tell ds this is what it's for when he opens it. We have an older dd who only got a tv in her room when she was 12 so I see no need for ds to be having one at 6. Dh is insistent his parents have bought it for the bedroom so it's going in there...

AIBU?

OP posts:
RosePetalss · 19/12/2020 10:01

My child has had a tv in his room since 6 it started because he was on complete bed rest for 2 weeks as he was very poorly.

Had the tv going on 4 years in there and it’s never been a problem. It’s not connected to the aerial so only plays dvds. He is not obsessed with tv though so maybe that plays a big part of it. This year I can count on one hand how many times it’s been switched on.

I feel it’s no different having a tv in a bedroom to a playroom.

I don’t think your in laws have done anything wrong it sounds like your husband gave them the green light to buy it. Your argument is with him.

purplemunkey · 19/12/2020 10:06

Is the getting up to play after bedtime that much of a problem? My DC is same age. They often read of play with their soft toys for a bit after me or DH have left the room. Then go to bed when they are ready. We don't really see it as a problem. DC does well a school and plenty of energy so it doesn't seem to impact them at all.

Has your DS' sleeping habits been having an impact on school/energy levels?

WeAllHaveWings · 19/12/2020 10:06

Dh is insistent his parents have bought it for the bedroom so it's going in there...

Your dh obviously wants the TV in the bedroom and is using his parents as backup/a point of argument. You need a discussion on 6 year olds having TVs in their bedroom without bringing his parents into it as what they intended the TV for is irrelevant and is your decision as parents.

GlamGloria · 19/12/2020 10:07

I wasn't allowed to have a tv in my room until I was 18!!!

tunnocksreturns2019 · 19/12/2020 10:08

Definitely definitely put it in playroom. I think there’s a huge difference between having it in there and in a room a child sleeps in. If DH won’t agree to that, it’s a no to the gift. Urgh. What a pain you have to have this argument

Wellpark · 19/12/2020 10:13

I'm really opposed to TVs in bedrooms for any age never mind young children. My kids had to leave home and get their own places before they could have TVs in their bedrooms. Kids needing to have a TV to fall asleep to is disgraceful in my opinion.

PrtScn · 19/12/2020 10:20

I’m a big no to TVs in bedrooms at any age. I think it’s much healthier to have a room associated just for sleeping (& other, ahem, “recreational activities” adults engage in). Blue light and TVs etc stimulate the brain so will affect sleep quality. You want to wind down and relax in a bedroom!

Fe2O3Girl · 19/12/2020 10:22

Google “TV in bedroom sleep problems”

It’s a terrible idea. In any case, you’re the parent, your PILs are not. It is not up to them whether your son has a TV in his bedroom.

VictoriasCousin · 19/12/2020 10:27

Why don't you give it a trial run? If in a months time it's not helping DS sleep, then it gets put elsewhere? Your DH sounds like he's hellbent on trying it out.

I would let him parent it, though. When DS tv turns on at midnight because he's trying to do some secret mid night watching or has left it on and it's woken him? Yeah, that's DH's place now.

I do think your DH has a ridiculous attitude to the playing before sleep. Playing to sleep or reading to sleep is much better than using a screen. It's just an extension of day dreaming really. Whereas TV is a much more stimulating thing, so likely to end with your DS playing AND watching tv

AlwaysCheddar · 19/12/2020 10:27

Put it in the playroom. Tell your dh he is a knob of the highest order if he thinks it will help sleep issues be resolved. Then tell him he’s a shit parent.

Fishfingersandwichplease · 19/12/2020 10:28

No way would l allow this. Def don't need a tv in their room at that age - my dd won't get one til secondary school age.

2bazookas · 19/12/2020 10:29

Just put it away in the loft until he's older. Then tell PILS "We've put it away until he's older"

If they question it, have some answers lined up

"There have been some bedtime issues lately and we have a new routine".
"Yes, I'm sorry DH didn't bother to keep you informed."
"If I'd known you wanted to buy a TV for his bedroom., I'd have politely refused ".
" Because I'm his mother, so please respect that. "
"There is a great deal of research on exposure to screen time, showing that TV in bedroom has an adverse effect on childrens sleep, weight, health and school performance. "

" I'm quite shocked you didn't ask me beforehand,
Whonew · 19/12/2020 10:30

So is your Dh now foregoing a fixed bedtime for your ds? and your 6 year old now gets to stay up watching tv instead of moving around at bedtime Hmm genuine questions to ask your dh.. And will this be every night? school nights etc..

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 19/12/2020 10:32

Christ, adults are advised to not watch tv / use screens before bed because of the detrimental effect in sleep quality and consequently health. Why does your DH think it’s a good idea for six year old?!

It’d be fine if you agree on when he can watch it but it sounds like your DH wants to put it on as a solution to bedtime and you don’t, so it’s going to cause arguments.

Playroom is the perfect solution surely? Just tell your in-laws thanks so much, we’ve been wanting one for the playroom so this is great and leave it there. If they say it’s for his bedroom say thanks but you bet he’d stay up all night watching it!

Planty13 · 19/12/2020 10:34

I’m tempted to get my 7 year old one Blush BUT there is a lot of back and forth metered me and OH on this. He is a flat no and I’m kind of tempted but won’t push it. However I think it’s a really big decision and we have communicated about it a lot. I’d be really bloody annoyed if someone else just went out and bought one for my child with no conversation, your OH has really dropped the ball here if he knew and didn’t either say no or at least discuss with you first.

NeonBella · 19/12/2020 10:42

Tv and reading aren't mutually exclusive. My dc (age 9) has a tv/dvd player and still reads every night. He's had it since age 6.
The tv isn't hooked up to the ariel so dvds are the only option and we have an agreement that movies only happen at the weekend where a slightly later night is OK.
We've never had any issues with this arrangement.

nosswith · 19/12/2020 10:47

I am with the overwhelming majority is agreeing with you that 6 is too young. I am surprised at any grandparents thinking this is OK without discussion.

MerylStreet · 19/12/2020 10:48

Your child is way too young to have a tv in his room. There’s also no way a six year old should be regularly falling asleep to the tv. He needs to be able to fall asleep himself, not with A tv blaring. I can’t believe your husband didn’t discuss it with you before agreeing. I would be really annoyed about this.

Chamomileteaplease · 19/12/2020 10:59

It is great that this thread is hopefully giving you strength to tackle this issue. I would absolutely hate this problem.

Of course, the main problem is your husband. I would put aside time to have a big talk with him. Let him voice his concerns about your son getting up but also put across your very strong feelings about using a TV in the bedroom like this. And for a 6 year old!

I really hope that your husband will respect your feelings.

A TV in the den sounds lovely Smile. Good luck!

AliceMcK · 19/12/2020 11:04

We let DD have one at 7 when she went in her own room, it’s only small with dvd player, she has very rarely put it on. Has watched an occasional dvd, usually when her friends are over and they want to escape the younger DCs and played an occasional game on DHs old school Atari. We dont let her have it on at bed times she listens to audio books on her echo.

I find the tv in the play room is watched far more than the bedroom, there are also more fights about it.

If you put it in his room you can always sent ground rules. He can watch it in the mornings when he wakes up (if he wakes up before anyone else), he can watch a movie on a Saturday night before bed but every other night he’s not allowed it before bed etc...

Sunnyjac · 19/12/2020 11:05

Ridiculous idea. A tv is never going to help him sleep as it’s visual so obviously you need your eyes open! Audio books are a much better idea. Tell your H to research what actually helps promote sleep, put the tv in the playroom and stand your ground! I don’t have a tv in my room as an adult.

CatholicKidston · 19/12/2020 11:06

No way, he could put it on late when everyone's gone to bed if he wakes up and be exposed to god knows what.

LaVitaPuoEsserePiuBella · 19/12/2020 11:06

Mine are all teens and have never had TVs in their rooms. Never shown any interest, and I would never allow it.

DreadingSeason2020sFinale · 19/12/2020 11:08

I wouldn't be happy about that at all. However, my kids have TVs in their room (bought my little girls Barbie DVD bix set then realised I'd rather gouge my own eyes out than have to sit and watch them in the living room) however, the tv in the room is completely under our control. We say when it's allowed on, we say when it's off. The girls didn't even have the ability to turn it on or off themselves and there is no way on Earth we would allow them to watch tv to get to sleep! You DH is mad to think that is okay!!! It's also not connected up to anything aerial wise but the DVD player (now it's the Xbox with Netflix etc as they're teens)

You can say no, or you can accept it but keep it 100% under your control. You can set strict screen times if you like.

Aprilx · 19/12/2020 11:09

This was more than a present, it was a parenting decision and it was very disrespectful of your DH and his parents to make this decision without you.

I would put it away until he is 12, actually I think that is a bit too young as well but as his sister got hers at 12 that would be fair.

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