Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset they’ve cancelled Christmas together?

243 replies

Buntingandbuttons · 18/12/2020 06:21

We had arranged to bubble with BIL’s household for Christmas. (2 households in total.)

We’ve now all been put in tier 3 and they messaged me to cancel. Their reasons were that we all have school age DC at different schools which is a risk.

AIBU to be upset by this? Dc are devastated, dd cried so much when we told her last night.

If they were shielding, I’d feel less upset but they go to the gym, the shops etc all the time, their DC have been going to their usual dance club etc. I did point this out that their dc mix with others at clubs but apparently that’s different as they take their temperature and the dance place has a covid safe certificate Hmm

We had planned lots of ways to make it as Covid safe as possible too including wrapping up warm and sitting outside with a heater to open gifts, letting the dc play in the garden, keeping windows open all the time, sitting 2m apart.

I probably am BU but we’ve bought all the food too!

I’ve said that we’ll plan lots of special things to do at home for our family instead, have a bake off day with the dc one day, crafting etc

AIBU to be upset about their reasons for cancelling?

OP posts:
Original poster
Buntingandbuttons · 18/12/2020 06:22

Also to add, we were only going to meet up 1 of the 5 days (Christmas Day) to reduce risk.

OP posts:
Teenageromance · 18/12/2020 06:25

YABU - they are assessing the risk and being responsible. We have had people cancel (elderly) as the now think the risk is too high. YANBU for blaming the government for making a huge mess of the Christmas arrangements.

sittingonacornflake · 18/12/2020 06:27

I think the sad thing with the virus is the numbers chase so rapidly it's not sensible to think that any plans are set in stone.

It's disappointing of course but then doesn't that just sum up 2020.

Gardeniaofdelights · 18/12/2020 06:29

I absolutely understand your disappointment and feel for you, but I don’t think you can be annoyed or upset with your family. It’s just one Christmas, it’s a very scary situation, and everyone should be allowed and encouraged to make the decisions they feel safe with.

lovelemoncurd · 18/12/2020 06:29

YABU think of the hospitals reaching capacity, the nurses and doctors working around the clock, the people losing loved ones. I don't blame anyone for coming to a sensible decision about this.

puguin86 · 18/12/2020 06:30

YABU it's so so hard

We are in the same boat but I'm telling DC that it's better for everyone to be safe and see each other when all this is over

SnuggyBuggy · 18/12/2020 06:31

You aren't wrong to be sad about the situation.

KatherineJaneway · 18/12/2020 06:32

YABU. I can understand your upset but they've made the right decision in my view.

Comtesse · 18/12/2020 06:32

Everybody’s risk assessment will be different. Completely reasonable to be sad / frustrated. Not sure there is much that can be done though? Next year will be different....

ChristmasTreeFairy5000 · 18/12/2020 06:32

YANBU. Some people are just using this as an excuse not to see family. They shouldn't have made plans with you in the first place if they were so concerned.

ChristmasTreeFairy5000 · 18/12/2020 06:33

@Comtesse

Everybody’s risk assessment will be different. Completely reasonable to be sad / frustrated. Not sure there is much that can be done though? Next year will be different....
Will it though? Really?!
lughnasadh · 18/12/2020 06:33

They probably don't want to sit around in the cold outside to open gifts, or sit in the house with all the windows open etc.

I think if you're having people over for Christmas, you accept any 'risk' and behave normally.

If you aren't freezing your arses off amongst yourselves right now to mitigate the risk of your children bringing covid home, it's mad to start doing it on Christmas day with visitors.

Cheesefootballfan · 18/12/2020 06:34

My mum is on the verge of cancelling having me and my sister round. She is tier 2 and numbers are low. We are both tier 3 and are out and about for our jobs a lot more. It sucks, but you just have to get on with it and respect their decision. You are being unreasonable by judging them even though they have their reasons.

inquietant · 18/12/2020 06:35

@Gardeniaofdelights

I absolutely understand your disappointment and feel for you, but I don’t think you can be annoyed or upset with your family. It’s just one Christmas, it’s a very scary situation, and everyone should be allowed and encouraged to make the decisions they feel safe with.
I agree with this. I think you are better off not risking spreading the virus this year.

Look after your family and try to enjoy the food and gifts at least.

This year has been disappointing all round.

MargosKaftan · 18/12/2020 06:36

YANBU to be upset - I would find it hard to see they are concerned about the virus if they are happy to go to the gym, send their dcs to group activities outside of school bubbles and generally push the rules to the limit in all other areas.

If the only way they are restricting their lives to keep safe is restricting seeing you, its going to feel personal!

But its their loss. Honestly the years it has just been me, dh and the dcs have ended up being the loveliest Christmases.

justanotherneighinparadise · 18/12/2020 06:37

Bless you. I think that sounds really shit OP. It’s awful you’re children are so upset 😔

RoseAndRose · 18/12/2020 06:38

As their DC are going out and about, that's a very good reason to keep away from them!

It's a pity that your DD is so upset. What are you going to do to model to her how to make the best of a setback?

YikesMusthaveusername · 18/12/2020 06:42

I don't think you're BU. It's really heart wrenching watching your children cry and feel sad and disappointed. I'm sure the children were really looking forward to it. Try to make it as special as you possibly can. Children have had so much disappointment this year and their little minds are not capable of weighing up risks and such. They just feel the sadness. Can you set up something exciting for them on Zoom? Such as a scheduled time for opening presents or something? Have you other family members with cousins who you could maybe organise a zoom quiz for after dinner or something? Just so that they have some contact. Maybe something like a walk around local area taking photos of the lights? Something that makes them feel connected and less isolated. It's a truly horrible end to an utterly horrible year.

pilates · 18/12/2020 06:47

I can understand why you are disappointed but you need to respect their wishes. I think they are doing the right thing.

Sertchgi123 · 18/12/2020 06:47

COVID-19 is contagious. What else do you need to know?

SuePreem · 18/12/2020 06:49

Look it's shit, but it's the right thing to do. No one should be mixing households at the moment.

Theyouttheresayin · 18/12/2020 06:53

It is pants but their decision. And if their DD is out and about a lot they may actually be doing you a favour.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/12/2020 06:53

They’re being ridiculous. Either you take the risk or you don’t. They’re pulling the we are superior card because we only do safe things in our safe area. Unless they live very rurally, it probably won’t be long before they’re also in tier 3...

pilates · 18/12/2020 06:56

Mummy, I read that both families are in tier 3

Choccorocco · 18/12/2020 06:58

It is such a shame but yes, I think they are doing the right thing. I have school age children and we’re going into tier 3 on Saturday - no way wil I now be exposing my relatives in tier 2 to the risk of getting it from us. It’s getting too late to self-isolate until then. It’s just one Christmas and hopefully next year we will be back to seeing people comfortably. I can’t wait to hug my parents!