To be upset they’ve cancelled Christmas together?

[Buntingandbuttons]

We had arranged to bubble with BIL’s household for Christmas. (2 households in total.)

We’ve now all been put in tier 3 and they messaged me to cancel. Their reasons were that we all have school age DC at different schools which is a risk.

AIBU to be upset by this? Dc are devastated, dd cried so much when we told her last night.

If they were shielding, I’d feel less upset but they go to the gym, the shops etc all the time, their DC have been going to their usual dance club etc. I did point this out that their dc mix with others at clubs but apparently that’s different as they take their temperature and the dance place has a covid safe certificate

We had planned lots of ways to make it as Covid safe as possible too including wrapping up warm and sitting outside with a heater to open gifts, letting the dc play in the garden, keeping windows open all the time, sitting 2m apart.

I probably am BU but we’ve bought all the food too!

I’ve said that we’ll plan lots of special things to do at home for our family instead, have a bake off day with the dc one day, crafting etc

AIBU to be upset about their reasons for cancelling?

There are a lot of people making similar decisions. We worked out that if we all isolated for 10 days then it would be ok (my parents are both elderly with age related heath issues). That would have meant DS having to take the last 3 days off school. I made the decision that his education was worth more than a couple hours get together inside. Instead we are going to walk up and have (glasses of) bubbles outside around the firepit. I am not popular but I don't want to have to explain to my younger Bro that mum & dad have COVID when he can't see then due to closed borders in Australia.

Easter is being planned with our own body weight of fish (Langoustines) on the BBQ on Good Friday, followed by spit roast lamb on Easter Sunday. Between now and then we will buy an open sided gazebo on case of rain.

I don't think YABU by being upset but I equally do not think that they are being unreasonable by cancelling. I think with covid we have been left to make decisions about our own health and sometimes that does mean disappointing people.

We have decided to not see anyone at Christmas at all (except via zoom) as we can't be truly sure how careful people have been and we don't want to run the risk. We have gone out (just the two of us) for the odd meal and ofcourse shopping, but we know we have always worn masks, always kept our distance and always sanitised our hands. We can't be sure when it comes to our family that they have done same.

We were meant to be going abroad for Christmas on a big holiday , something we've never done before . That was cancelled in October but I had suspected it would be from about May. My DC were gutted but theres nothing to be done. Then we arranged to host christmas with 3 other family members (from 2 households) coming to us. One is elderly so has cancelled, now the others have too as we are all in tier 3. It's really disappointing but I dont blame any of them for not wanting to take additional risks.

Honestly I wouldn’t look on them poorly for this. I think everyone is entitled to do what they are comfortable with during this time and if it means cancelling plans that’s understandable to me. But you are allowed be disappointed aswell! I’m sorry the kids are upset about it too, it is a crap situation and I do agree with the poster if their kids are mixing a lot at clubs ect maybe you are better off to avoid it! All you can do is what you said, make the best of it with the baking and crafting ect!

We have done something similar. Had planned to have my sister and her family here for lunch on Christmas Day. They are about to go into tier 3 and we agreed yesterday that it was better not to risk it. My husband is 70.

We haven't cancelled altogether as my older daughter, who lives in a flat share in London, will still join us. That's still a risk of course, but less of a risk than adding another five people, including three 17-21 year olds.

Most normal people feel disappointed when they thought something nice was going to happen and then find out it won't be. It doesn't make the other family the bad guys or mean that the parents are inadequate, it's just a normal human response.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable to be upset and disappointed that it’s been cancelled. It sounds like you’d thought about ways to make sure it was as COVID secure as possible. But it’s not unreasonable for them to cancel if that’s what they feel is the safest way for them to have Christmas. Everyone’s making tough decisions at the moment!

We live rurally and are cancelling our plans because unexpectedly my DH has been called on to a work project in a city involving people throughout the country and whilst they have been reasonably careful, we don’t want to take the risk of passing it to to elderly family.

It sucks, it really does but I wouldn’t forgive ourselves if we infected people, especially the elderly.

Should add that I have ordered a big turkey and ham from the butcher and that with only 3 meat eaters in our family, suspect we will be eating them until March!

Cancelling yesterday means that my sister has time to sort out her own turkey. We are all disappointed but sister is very relaxed about it and no one is annoyed with anyone else.

We will do a big family zoom instead.

Hopefully more and more families will be making the same decision. We booked a big family holiday with 10 of us last year for this Christmas, I get how disappointing it is to cancel plans.

The less risk people take over these holidays the less likely we are to be plunged into a full lockdown in January.

I totally get why you're upset. We have similar with fil and his wife. She's been out at friend's house today with teenagers in the house but can't visit us at Christmas. It doesn't feel great. That said this year is just bloody weird and different people have different perceptions of risk, we need to just grit our teeth and bare it until next year.

In the words of Ella Fitzgerald. 'someday soon we all will be together, if the fate's allow. Until then we'll have to muddle through somehow. So have yourself a merry little christmas time'

We had planned lots of ways to make it as Covid safe as possible too including wrapping up warm and sitting outside with a heater to open gifts, letting the dc play in the garden, keeping windows open all the time, sitting 2m apart.

I would have decided not to come on this basis. I would either bubble and be normal or not see family at all. Having the windows open all day at Christmas sounds dire. How big is your dining table? It must be huge for the two households to be sat 2m from the other.

I don't think yabu to be upset and disappointed but I put yabu because everyone should have anticipated and planned for changes of mind. How are you going to help your dc overcome their disappointment and pull together as a family?

Odd your children are so devastated! Is family time at home not great?

We get on fine in our family but our children (and me!) are still really disappointed not to be seeing other family at Christmas. Every year they say the best thing about Christmas is seeing family, and this year most of them we havent seen since the summer, some not since March, and some for 2 years.
Theres different dynamic to spending time with GPs, cousins, uncles and aunties etc, rather than "just " mum and dad.

@lughnasadh

They probably don't want to sit around in the cold outside to open gifts, or sit in the house with all the windows open etc.

I think if you're having people over for Christmas, you accept any 'risk' and behave normally.

If you aren't freezing your arses off amongst yourselves right now to mitigate the risk of your children bringing covid home, it's mad to start doing it on Christmas day with visitors.

Oh God, I second this so much.

This is the Christmas of cancelled plans. YANBU to be upset but they are just being sensible. Millions of other people across the country are in a similar situation.

I would take it as an opportunity to make some family Christmas traditions. Get some decent board games in, get a load of booze in, enjoy all the food you've already got and have a good time.

YWNBU until I got to the bit where you were all sitting outside. What if it rains? That doesn't sound like much fun and I can understand why it would be better for your households to celebrate separately inside. We are only seeing one person over Christmas and I don't think she would bother if it was in the garden tbh and we're outdoors people.

It does sound as though covid isn't the reason for this decision if they are going about as normal otherwise.

Yanbu to be upset it is awful and rubbish but it is what it is. It’s the right decision and Christmas hasn’t been cancelled it’s just different
Everyone is going through the same and yes they may be at school and going to classes but it is a different bubble. And the two should be kept separate

Try and do other things. Bake Christmas cookies and treats, play games, watch Christmas tv, snuggle as a family, walk and see the lights. Spend 2 weeks together relaxing and enjoy what you have. That is what I am going to try and do

If they were hosting does that mean you've bought all the food that is at their house already for (now) their Christmas dinner? Well, they'll obviously have to pay you for that. YANBU to be upset. It is frustrating to see people picking and choosing what 'rules' they follow to be honest. If they had been really careful the whole time it would be different. Whst a shit time for them to suddenly 'realise the risks', poor kids. Hope you have a lovely Christmas OP.

Sitting outside in the freezing cold to open presents sounds absolutely miserable - that would be the Christmas from hell. At least if you are at home for Christmas you won't be hyperthermic by the end of it. They are being sensible, but I agree that it's really sad that so many people won't see loved ones for Christmas. It feels totally wrong, but we've just got to make the best of it and keep plodding on until better times come our way.

In answer to people disagreeing with my saying they’re being ridiculous. The way I read it is that they’re mixing a lot, which is different from an occasional quick trip to the shops.

My dd is going to school and dance classes, ergo mixing with children from many different schools. I am under no illusion that her dance school is really Covid secure. The children don’t dance in masks for starters during the classes.

Op is making her home as secure than the dance classes, probably more so as there aren’t necessarily windows in the dance studios. Moreover these people are shopping regularly. Supermarkets definitely aren’t Covid secure. The stats are readily available on that front. I really am struggling to see the difference between a distanced family meet (windows open / outside) and a dance class.

Where does it say they are hosting rather than the OP?

@lovelemoncurd

YABU think of the hospitals reaching capacity, the nurses and doctors working around the clock, the people losing loved ones. I don't blame anyone for coming to a sensible decision about this.

This was happening all year round before Covid and no one was bothered about the NHS then, the government are complicit in the demise of the NHS

@Mummyoflittledragon

The point is that even if you are doing activities A B and C, it is still totally reasonable to decline situation D as it represents a risk in addition to those already present in your family's life.