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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset they’ve cancelled Christmas together?

243 replies

Buntingandbuttons · 18/12/2020 06:21

We had arranged to bubble with BIL’s household for Christmas. (2 households in total.)

We’ve now all been put in tier 3 and they messaged me to cancel. Their reasons were that we all have school age DC at different schools which is a risk.

AIBU to be upset by this? Dc are devastated, dd cried so much when we told her last night.

If they were shielding, I’d feel less upset but they go to the gym, the shops etc all the time, their DC have been going to their usual dance club etc. I did point this out that their dc mix with others at clubs but apparently that’s different as they take their temperature and the dance place has a covid safe certificate Hmm

We had planned lots of ways to make it as Covid safe as possible too including wrapping up warm and sitting outside with a heater to open gifts, letting the dc play in the garden, keeping windows open all the time, sitting 2m apart.

I probably am BU but we’ve bought all the food too!

I’ve said that we’ll plan lots of special things to do at home for our family instead, have a bake off day with the dc one day, crafting etc

AIBU to be upset about their reasons for cancelling?

OP posts:
Autumnnightsaredrawingin · 18/12/2020 20:21

Sadly YABU although I totally understand your disappointment. We have also cancelled our festive ‘bubble’. The kids are sad, but understanding. We are also tier 3 and it’s just not worth the risk for us as a family to go to a tier 2 area and see our parents/siblings. Hopefully Easter instead.

oblada · 18/12/2020 20:22

I would be disappointed too. If both families are sensible and no-one is at particular risk then personally I would meet up, maybe with a precautionary test thrown in the mix. But it is their risk assessment to make ultimately.
I certainly will not be cancelling my parents and Brother and his family coming over for Xmas but then again if they wished not to come I'd have to respect that.

saraclara · 18/12/2020 21:38

[quote TibetanTerrier]@saraclara
I'm going to be alone at Christmas instead of with my loving and warm family at our favourite time of year. It's the right thing to do but I'm not going to be preached at or have my feelings of sadness demeaned by those for whom "it's just a couple of days"

How about you feel thankful that you still have your loving and warm family instead of wallowing in self pity. Thousands of families are missing family members forever because of this virus. They're the ones who are justified in feeling sad this Christmas. One family near me has lost all four grandparents to Covid.[/quote]
I've lost two people to covid, thanks.

Another reason why it would be nice to have family around me at Christmas.

I'm not wallowing in pity. I'm sad about it. Like many many others. We'll all make the best of it, but we really don't need others telling us we're not allowed to be sad.

GrumblyMumblyisnotJumbly · 18/12/2020 21:59

@Buntingandbuttons

Thank you to everyone who has offered their thoughts on this, it has really helped to put things into perspective and you’re right, with things are they are, it makes sense to cancel.

DD is fine now, I think she was overtired last night and upset, but we have arranged to zoom their cousins after they’ve all opened their stockings etc and will plan a get together when things are safer.Xmas Smile

Glad you've got plan B sorted OP. It is a shame when plans change but with the Covid rate worsening keeping everyone as safe and well as possible is a good priority.

Enjoy Christmas with your family and your virtual meet up with extended family & a proper knees up when circumstances allow.

EverybodystalkingaboutJamie · 19/12/2020 08:41

@ClickandForget

Can professional therapy help you develop a bit of humanity or empathy - or are you a lost cause?

I think it's mostly older people who've been through so much, much worse than this who are bewildered at the lack of inner fibre that this pandemic has exposed.
Lack of responsibility to others and an "I'm alright jack" attitude.
People my age lived through a flu pandemic in the 50/60s. It killed mostly children and I was a child. There's nothing new under the sun. I did not die. Lots of children did die. Terrible. I think a lot of us older people are aware that nowadays with social media and the internet, not so many people need to die. We can all be warned

But then you get people whining that they can't do what they want on Xmas day. If we'd had the internet in 1955, fewer kids would have died. Because in those days, I think we all had more social conscience.

It doesn't matter that people have been through worse to how people feel now - I'm sure if you compare the flu epidemic in the 50's to the famines around the world, it pales in comparison. I doubt people complaining is a new thing. Looking at the past through rose tinted glasses isn't either.
Dodie66 · 19/12/2020 17:33

Any tier 3 are now tier 4 so can’t mix anyway. Just seen it in the news

Covidnomore · 19/12/2020 17:36

Dodie only London and South East moved to tier 4.

There's other regions of England too.......

Lynnikins · 19/12/2020 17:37

Well, it's just got worse, I'm afraid.
From midnight tonight Christmas restrictions are being tightened even more - and a new tier is created....
www.theguardian.com/world/2020/dec/19/pm-announces-tier-4-covid-curbs-and-curtails-christmas-mixing-in-england?CMP=share_btn_fb&fbclid=IwAR2zDUzBasLn0j9ZxxagyfjdZ0VZh6M0DyqlBUeu3UdG-22UafICCMdu4b0

Llh1979 · 19/12/2020 17:38

It is rubbish but we all need to be safe this Christmas so that we are all here to enjoy nxt Christmas with everyone were having my dad over but hes been in our bubble since the very beginning

Tomasinabombadil · 19/12/2020 17:50

Well, we’re in Tier 4 from midnight, so all plans are pretty much cancelled now.☹️

PegasusReturns · 19/12/2020 18:00

What do you mean you’d bought all the food? Presumably you won’t now be taking it so will just have it at home?

Happyher · 19/12/2020 18:09

It’s not unreasonable to be upset. This year has been very upsetting but Christmas is not a set of instructions, it’s whatever you make it. Ensure your kids know it’s due to the pandemic - don’t blame relatives. Be gracious with relatives and tell them you’re looking forward to the day we can all move freely. If you plan Christmas around kids I’m sure they’ll soon forget the disappointment and maybe have a video chat organised. Cook the food and freeze it so you don’t have to do any food shopping for the week

Nohomemadecandles · 19/12/2020 18:10

Everyone is entirely reasonable to feel sad and disappointed. Whether they agree with the rules or not.

Janfix · 19/12/2020 18:12

If they are out and about it is probably safer for you that they do not come. It is so stressful making decisions right now !!

LadySinfiaSnoop · 19/12/2020 18:22

I can’t see my grandchildren at Christmas now, luckily my daughter bought and wrapped all the gifts from me, so we are planning a Post Vaccine Party, for sometime in the summer or when appropriate. We are thinking of a tropical theme with crackers and decorations etc and Nanny will be given her Christmas presents then. It gives my granddaughter aged 7 something to look forward to and plan xx

Dodie66 · 19/12/2020 18:28

I didn’t say all of the country Covidnomore. They said all tier 3 would now be tier 4

Dodie66 · 19/12/2020 18:30

There is a full list of the areas and tiers here inews.co.uk/news/uk/covid-tier-map-areas-tiers-england-new-restrictions-postcode-checker-my-area-773074

Covidnomore · 19/12/2020 18:46

Dodie as your link shows there are still many areas that are Tier 3!

Nohomemadecandles · 19/12/2020 18:53

@Dodie66

I didn’t say all of the country Covidnomore. They said all tier 3 would now be tier 4
No they didn't!
Alpal1 · 19/12/2020 19:05

I blame the government. They raised our expectations and have spent the last week scaring us into cancelling our plans.

CatholicKidston · 19/12/2020 19:07

Lots of people will be rushing to get turkeys now after today's announcement!

TicTacTwo · 19/12/2020 19:08

@Dodie66

I didn’t say all of the country Covidnomore. They said all tier 3 would now be tier 4
No broadly speaking the areas that went into T3 this week are going into T4. The other T3 areas eg Greater Manchester are remaining T3.
Skyla2005 · 19/12/2020 19:12

People have to do what they think is right. You shouldn’t be upset with them for being responsible

Zerrin13 · 19/12/2020 21:24

Daughter and son in law wont be coming now as they have just gone into tier 4.
I'm very disappointed but grateful that we are all well and haven't got this virus.
Sad for us all in this position but we all have to expect to make sacrifices to help contain the spread.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 19/12/2020 21:32

I don't think you are being unreasonable to be upset they have changed their minds but you are bu to be upset at the reason. It's a shame your DD was so upset. Can they zoom and play games over that like charades or whatever?