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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset they’ve cancelled Christmas together?

243 replies

Buntingandbuttons · 18/12/2020 06:21

We had arranged to bubble with BIL’s household for Christmas. (2 households in total.)

We’ve now all been put in tier 3 and they messaged me to cancel. Their reasons were that we all have school age DC at different schools which is a risk.

AIBU to be upset by this? Dc are devastated, dd cried so much when we told her last night.

If they were shielding, I’d feel less upset but they go to the gym, the shops etc all the time, their DC have been going to their usual dance club etc. I did point this out that their dc mix with others at clubs but apparently that’s different as they take their temperature and the dance place has a covid safe certificate Hmm

We had planned lots of ways to make it as Covid safe as possible too including wrapping up warm and sitting outside with a heater to open gifts, letting the dc play in the garden, keeping windows open all the time, sitting 2m apart.

I probably am BU but we’ve bought all the food too!

I’ve said that we’ll plan lots of special things to do at home for our family instead, have a bake off day with the dc one day, crafting etc

AIBU to be upset about their reasons for cancelling?

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 18/12/2020 07:00

Either you take the risk or you don’t

They've chosen not to take the risk

It's not a case if 'because I do X that's risky, it makes no difference if I also do Y'

Each potential exposure is a risk you choose to take or not, and they have chosen not to take this one.

And that's fine, even when it's disappointing. The main thing now I think is to ensure that the DC don't dwell in negativity. By which I don't mean they should repress/suppress feelings, but they can learn how to find their way through disappointment, and how to make the best of a bad lot

nosswith · 18/12/2020 07:00

Upset at only a week's warning, but I think they have been reasonable to cancel.

BoomBoomsCousin · 18/12/2020 07:03

YANBU to be upset, of course it sucks, but I think YABU to be upset at them.

Flamingolingo · 18/12/2020 07:04

I think they’re doing what absolutely everyone should be doing to be honest. The numbers are not looking great, they’re going to get worse, and they show quite compellingly that lockdown works. It shouldn’t be lifted just because it’s Christmas- we will all be paying for the mixing for weeks to come. We are right on the edge of T3 here, and I know that all of the surrounding hospitals are full. I read somewhere that January 8th was extremely busy for some hospitals last year, exactly 2 weeks after Christmas.

So with all of this in mind, I refused to make plans for Christmas this year. If things were looking better we might have considered doing something at the last minute, but it’s looking like it will be just us.

MaryMashedThem · 18/12/2020 07:05

We've just gone into tier 3 and I've cancelled our plans to go to my parents' with my brother's family. They were disappointed but didn't give us a hard time about it, which I appreciated. It wasn't an easy decision to make but in the end I decided the risk wasn't worth it for one turkey dinner with people I love.

The way I see it, if we all make sacrifices this Christmas, the chances are higher of us all having many more Christmasses with loved ones. If we all get together this Christmas, for some people this will he their last Christmas together as a direct result of that decision

AlternativePerspective · 18/12/2020 07:05

The more people use common sense and cancel being together at Christmas the less likely we are to end up in lockdown again over January. Both Wales and NI already have planned lockdowns from December, in NI’s case it’s the 26th so Christmas pretty much curtailed there anyway.

It doesn’t matter what other stuff they do. Every risk you take increases the risk of passing on or contracting the virus. So e.g. if you go to the gym then there’s a risk you catch the virus. If you then have a get-together the risk increases to you passing the virus on to someone else, who then goes to the gym and passes it to the people there who then mix with their families and pass it on and so the cycle continues.

Did you see yesterday’s figures?

KatherineJaneway · 18/12/2020 07:07

@ChristmasTreeFairy5000

YANBU. Some people are just using this as an excuse not to see family. They shouldn't have made plans with you in the first place if they were so concerned.
But things have changed in some areas since Christmas plans were made. My local hospital's ICU is now full, the infection rates here have skyrocketed. While the disappointment is understandable, people have to reconsider in light of current circumstances.
Comtesse · 18/12/2020 07:08

Yes @ChristmasTreeFairy5000 it will be different for Christmas 2021. Virus might still be around but the vaccine(s) will have been widely deployed and the tiers won’t still apply in the same way. Might not be back to normal normal iyswim but it won’t be like this.

EverybodystalkingaboutJamie · 18/12/2020 07:08

Everyone has to decide for themselves - you are being sellfish!

Sirzy · 18/12/2020 07:11

I think at the moment more than ever if anyone feels uncomfy with meeting up then it shouldn’t be expected. Good on them for feeling comfy enough to say

Lovemusic33 · 18/12/2020 07:11

YABU

They are being sensible and it would be stupid to mix if you are in tier 3. People need to stop acting like idiots.

And YABU for saying ‘Christmas is cancelled’, Christmas will never be cancelled, you don’t need to mix to celebrate the birth of Christ 😐

Hellotheresweet · 18/12/2020 07:14

Odd your children are so devastated! Is family time at home not great?

Covidnomore · 18/12/2020 07:15

They’re being ridiculous. Either you take the risk or you don’t. They’re pulling the we are superior card because we only do safe things in our safe area. Unless they live very rurally, it probably won’t be long before they’re also in tier 3...

Not they are not!

The other activities they are doing are all open and have had to introduce measures to make their venues 'Covid safe'. Not foolproof by any means but risk is reduced.

Household mixing is and remains the biggest risk.

We still have a reasonably normal life spent taking kids to all their different things. But we are not seeing family at Christmas.

For us, its accepting we need to take some risks, but other things are too risky.

SnuggyBuggy · 18/12/2020 07:15

I'm sure the OPs kids have enjoyed plenty of time at home with just the nuclear family since March Hmm

Lipz · 18/12/2020 07:17

It's unfortunate but I have to agree with them. They have obviously made a difficult decision and don't want to let you down but the risk is too high. While they're mixing in school and dance club you'll probably find they're in bubbles, the gym will have been properly socially distanced. They may not want to sit in a cold garden Christmas morning and beside open windows the rest of the day, when they can stay warm and cosy in their own home. It's going to happen to alot of families this year but I wouldn't be annoyed with them. It's unfortunate that you have bought all your food early maybe you could wrap some and drop it around and leave it on their door step or freeze it and use it yourself over Christmas.

JillofTrades · 18/12/2020 07:18

Yabu. If they choose to change their mind based on what's best for their family then who are you to challenge that. I do get why your DC are upset though.

OhWhyNot · 18/12/2020 07:18

I can understand why you are upset. I worry ds will only see me over the holidays but that’s the situation we are in

Many people have changed plans in the last few days. I know quite a few that were going to push the numbers up (have four families) as they were not concerned, had been sensible etc but have changes their minds because numbers have gone in many areas

We are also been told over and over again how careful we must all be and we shall hear this all through next week

cherryblossomx3 · 18/12/2020 07:18

most people are going to tell you that yabu on here.

I would have also said that had I not read that they are still going to dance classes etc..having said that it is of course their choice and right to do what they want at christmas. yanbu to be disappointed, it has been such a shit year who can blame you for feeling sad that something you were looking forward to has been cancelled. like someone else said, pretty much sums up 2020 doesnt it.

Covidnomore · 18/12/2020 07:20

Snuggy just like every kid?

My DD was a bit upset a few months ago when I said we wouldn't be going away for Christmas.

I explained to her the reason and guess what - she totally understands.

As soon as is safe to do so we will get in the car & drive..........

Chimeraforce · 18/12/2020 07:20

Yanbu. They're still going out and about so not that concerned. Feel sorry for you, it's disappointing. I won't offer platitudes as nothing is guaranteed. I'm expecting similar from my Mum... She'll bin one of us but probably not those with primary kids. Mine is in secondary.

cherryblossomx3 · 18/12/2020 07:20

@Hellotheresweet bloody hell, I would imagine family time at home is pretty much all they've done this year. whilst that's been great for some, others are probably bored to tears by it.

WeAllHaveWings · 18/12/2020 07:20

It is ok to be disappointed, but at the same time respect their decision and teach your children to do the same.

No one this Christmas should be critised for reducing all but essential indoor contacts. They are doing the right thing and I hope more people reconsider their plans as Christmas gets nearer.

Tbh sitting outdoors would be bloody miserable anyway and what happens if it is stormy weather?

TW2013 · 18/12/2020 07:22

I personally am looking forward to having some time when we are not constantly weighing up risks. The risks of them being in school, then the added risk of X having a music lesson, Y going to their dance lesson against the increasing numbers. Maybe they are too and mentally have got as far as schools breaking up and just want to pull the drawbridge up.

Maybe plan to do some online stuff and then go for a walk with them.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/12/2020 07:25

@pilates

Mummy, I read that both families are in tier 3
Ah yes, I read the we are all in tier 3 as op and her family are all in tier 3. But op did indeed mean both families...
Hellotheresweet · 18/12/2020 07:25

@SnuggyBuggy

I'm sure the OPs kids have enjoyed plenty of time at home with just the nuclear family since March Hmm
Yes as have mine. Just with me as a single parent.

But still utterly excited and full of beans about Christmas at home. Just with me!

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