Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset they’ve cancelled Christmas together?

243 replies

Buntingandbuttons · 18/12/2020 06:21

We had arranged to bubble with BIL’s household for Christmas. (2 households in total.)

We’ve now all been put in tier 3 and they messaged me to cancel. Their reasons were that we all have school age DC at different schools which is a risk.

AIBU to be upset by this? Dc are devastated, dd cried so much when we told her last night.

If they were shielding, I’d feel less upset but they go to the gym, the shops etc all the time, their DC have been going to their usual dance club etc. I did point this out that their dc mix with others at clubs but apparently that’s different as they take their temperature and the dance place has a covid safe certificate Hmm

We had planned lots of ways to make it as Covid safe as possible too including wrapping up warm and sitting outside with a heater to open gifts, letting the dc play in the garden, keeping windows open all the time, sitting 2m apart.

I probably am BU but we’ve bought all the food too!

I’ve said that we’ll plan lots of special things to do at home for our family instead, have a bake off day with the dc one day, crafting etc

AIBU to be upset about their reasons for cancelling?

OP posts:
saraclara · 18/12/2020 07:48

@Hellotheresweet

Odd your children are so devastated! Is family time at home not great?
What a weird post. My kids loved being with their cousins (who didn't live close enough that they were able to see them more than half a dozen times a year). Christmas with together was always a thrill for them. And we had a very happy and warm daily family life, thanks.
Lifeispassingby · 18/12/2020 07:49

Of course you can be disappointed but you need to channel it at the virus and the situation not at your family. They are doing what hey feel is right and you have to respect that. They already have a level of risk through work and school etc and don’t want to increase that risk and you can’t blame them for that. Just because people are working and at school etc doesn’t mean they can just do anything or go anywhere. I personally didn’t want a Christmas where I was worrying about covid and cleaning and opening windows etc etc and nor did my parents so it’s not worth the risk. This is the same decision many families are making right not and have left it til this point in the hope it would be ok, but it’s not ok with the rates as they are and the hospital situation too. We may not make it to DFil funeral next week due to covid but it is what it is and we all have to make the best of this awful situation without falling out with family too

Toadintheroad · 18/12/2020 07:49

They probably didn’t want to open presents outside and just saw it as too much hassle.

dayswithaY · 18/12/2020 07:50

They are doing the right thing. It's just one Christmas and it's up to you to make it special wherever you are. Lots of people (my children included) have had big milestone events like their prom and university graduation ceremony cancelled forever and they can never get them back. You can still make Christmas magical, but this is a very unusual year for everyone.

ExeterMummaMia · 18/12/2020 07:50

YABU

It's up to them at the end of the day. Peoples risk appetites are different and you can't moan about people thinking differently to you. It's sad that your kids are upset but honestly, they'll get over it. It's Xmas for them regardless of who they see and they won't give a toss on Xmas day when they're opening pressies and dancing around to Xmas tunes.

Instead of moaning and feeling sorry for yourself, put that effort into making your family Xmas as special as possible.

gannett · 18/12/2020 07:53

I wish people would stop using the word "devastated" when they mean "disappointed".

It's fine to be disappointed, it's shit, it's a grind. It's not a bloody trauma that will scar DC for life.

"Cancelled Christmas" can get in the bloody bin as well. Shit over-emotive words designed to make everyone feel worse. I blame the tabloids.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/12/2020 07:53

[quote RoseAndRose]@Mummyoflittledragon

The point is that even if you are doing activities A B and C, it is still totally reasonable to decline situation D as it represents a risk in addition to those already present in your family's life.[/quote]
I get that. But they have not declined. They said yes then no with no consideration for others when they could have curved C to do D.

BethlehemIsInTier1 · 18/12/2020 07:54

@Flamingolingo

I think they’re doing what absolutely everyone should be doing to be honest. The numbers are not looking great, they’re going to get worse, and they show quite compellingly that lockdown works. It shouldn’t be lifted just because it’s Christmas- we will all be paying for the mixing for weeks to come. We are right on the edge of T3 here, and I know that all of the surrounding hospitals are full. I read somewhere that January 8th was extremely busy for some hospitals last year, exactly 2 weeks after Christmas.

So with all of this in mind, I refused to make plans for Christmas this year. If things were looking better we might have considered doing something at the last minute, but it’s looking like it will be just us.

I work in a busyTier 3 Hospital also on the edge of Tier 3, and in case anyone did not know, hospitals have been full too capacity all year around for years, this is not a one off because of Covid, this is down toTory Scum shutting wards down, no beds but plenty of managers walking around trying to look important.
muddledmidget · 18/12/2020 07:55

I would have cancelled you too. Luckily I had already opted out of Christmas with my sisters, but they're both now in tier 3 with numbers that look quite terrifying from my region of tier 2 with numbers in low double digits, I wouldn't want to drive 200 miles to their region, even if the govt say I can. Its one day, and your family will be together, its not like he's cancelled a single person. Just enjoy yourselves at home and plan a Christmas and a half in June when the weather's better and people will enjoy being outside more

BethlehemIsInTier1 · 18/12/2020 07:57

@Hellotheresweet

Odd your children are so devastated! Is family time at home not great?
Wow are normally this rude? Hmm
Porcupineinwaiting · 18/12/2020 07:57

YABU bit I can totally see why you are upset. It's hard when you are looking forward to a little bit of normality to have it taken away.

JinglingHellsBells · 18/12/2020 07:57

I do wish everyone would stop making a fuss over bloody Christmas.

It's a couple of days. You can have a get together when it's safer.

We kept our plans for the family very fluid as my DH is at risk.

We have now decided not to do what we had hoped. The DCS suggested it as they are in a very high risk area and do not want to bring Covid to us (if they are asymptomatic.)

We will do Zoom and have a family meal and presents in the new year, possibly when we have been vaccinated (older age group) or when we can sit outside on a sunny day.

Porcupineinwaiting · 18/12/2020 07:58

And yes, family time at home is great Hmm but most of us have had an awful lot of it this year and very little of anything else.

Fluffybutter · 18/12/2020 08:01

It doesn’t sound like it would be a very fun Christmas if you all planned to sit outside and then eat in a cold house ..it’s supposed to be very chilly Christmas Day .
I actually think you’ve had a lucky escape but of course you can be upset about it .

GreenlandTheMovie · 18/12/2020 08:02

If I was that concerned about the virus and the NHS, the last place I'd go is a gym. I'm not, so I've been going swimming and to the gym when possible, and I can't believe that someone would prioritise doing that amongst strangers as opposed to a small family bubble. Even just pushing the entrance door to the outside of the buildings open - they don't get sanitised, never mind all the bits of gym equipment that the person doing the sanitising ocaissionally misses. It makes no sense, and people do seem to be losing their heads and all sense of perspective now Its like collective madness.

I do think all these government restrictions are taking away people's ability to judge risk.

Fluffybutter · 18/12/2020 08:03

@JinglingHellsBells

I do wish everyone would stop making a fuss over bloody Christmas.

It's a couple of days. You can have a get together when it's safer.

We kept our plans for the family very fluid as my DH is at risk.

We have now decided not to do what we had hoped. The DCS suggested it as they are in a very high risk area and do not want to bring Covid to us (if they are asymptomatic.)

We will do Zoom and have a family meal and presents in the new year, possibly when we have been vaccinated (older age group) or when we can sit outside on a sunny day.

And I wish people would stop telling others how to enjoy Christmas . You won’t be going anywhere because of your dh , that’s fine but not everyone is shielding or has vulnerable family members . Let them make their own decisions, it is literally nothing to do with you .
Allispretty · 18/12/2020 08:05

Yanbu if they were shielding etc I'd say yabu but they are going to a gym, shopping, kids classes they are basically living normal life in most ways yet have cancelled on family for Christmas Day disappointing all the kids

GintyMcGinty · 18/12/2020 08:06

Everyone needs to decide what risks they are willing to accept. I get why you are disappointed but if they aren't happy to mix you need to be understanding.

saraclara · 18/12/2020 08:08

I wish people who don't particularly enjoy Christmas or like their relatives much, would stop telling those of us who love it and for whom it's prime family time, how we should feel.

AnnaSW1 · 18/12/2020 08:08

Yes YABU

likeamillpond · 18/12/2020 08:09

Anyone w/o gets upset at people who are trying to do the right thing this Christmas is being unreasonable.

Megan2018 · 18/12/2020 08:11

YABU
They have listened to the latest advice and
acted accordingly. More people should be canceling previously arranged plans.

peboh · 18/12/2020 08:13

Yanbu to be sad.
2020 has been shit. You would be unreasonable if you fell out with them because it, but being upset about it is completely valid.

RoseAndRose · 18/12/2020 08:13

I get that. But they have not declined. They said yes then no with no consideration for others when they could have curved C to do D.

I don't think it's reasonable to micromanage another family 's priorities to that extent

And if C had already occurred in the 10 days or so beforehand, then no they couldn't turn the clock back and change what they'd already done.

Though perhaps they should have declined the invitation completely, even if they thought earlier that transmission and risk levels were going to be rather lower than they have turned out to be

JinglingHellsBells · 18/12/2020 08:14

Let them make their own decisions, it is literally nothing to do with you .

@Fluffybutter

Well you are wrong there because it has everything to do with me and you!

There's this thing called exponential growth; heard of it? That's why we have rates of infection now that are as high as in April.

So what one family chooses to do will impact on everyone in the end.

Maybe you have missed the guidance about being sensible and not doing what you are allowed but what is sensible?

Swipe left for the next trending thread