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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to expect relative to sleep on the sofa for a night

345 replies

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 17/12/2020 23:22

Hi, just want outsiders opinions. Obviously xmas is coming up and me and my bf, sister and her bf and mum and dad are meeting up as the 3 bubbles that are allowed.
We are meeting up at our parents house which is a 3 bed terrace house. 2 doubles, one single. I still live at home (I’m the youngest) and live in the second double (upgraded from the shoe box room when my sister moved out earlier this year), our parents in the other.
My sister hasn’t seen us a lot this year because of covid so we’re all excited to see her and her bf.

She has now made a fuss about not coming over because of not having her old room and the double bed in it (which i brought) to sleep on during her two night (max) stay. They live an hour and a half away -60 miles one way.

Is it to much to ask to bring their double air mattress and sleep downstairs for a night or two? Or just take the sofas.
How do other people solve issues of houses being too small to fit bfs/gfs/ extended family over?
I believe this is a bit of embarrassment as well- her bf has never been to our little house and grew up in a big house with his own en-suite and everything. She and her boyfriend are both uni educated as are his family- we aren’t.
I think she feels ashamed by her humble beginnings...

OP posts:
winterberries77 · 17/12/2020 23:26

The boyfriend will have to take you all as he finds you. Nothing to be ashamed of being poor. Insist on the air bed.

Stompythedinosaur · 17/12/2020 23:26

It isnt too much to ask of there's no other option, but in our family we would absolutely rearrange so that everyone has a bed. You sleeping in a single rather than a double is surely less of a pain than someone having to sleep on the sofa or floor?

TidyDancer · 17/12/2020 23:30

It depends if your bf is staying the night. If he is then your sister will have to put up or shut up. If your bf isn't staying then it would seem sensible and more comfortable for everyone if you let them have your bed.

N0rthern · 17/12/2020 23:31

I agree with stompy

DelphiniumBlue · 17/12/2020 23:32

Does your boyfriend have to stay over, or is he local, so could go home at night while your sister is there?
Because as suggested above, best solution is that you have the single and sister and her bf have the double.
If your bf lives at yours, then someone will have to compromise, and probably best if it's you and your bf.

Boulshired · 17/12/2020 23:33

If it was just her then fine, but I would hate to be the boyfriend sleeping in the families living area.

Floralnomad · 17/12/2020 23:33

If I were your sister and the option was a blow up bed or sofa then I wouldn’t stay either , I’d just come for the day .

Nottherealslimshady · 17/12/2020 23:35

I don't believe in resident being removed from their bedroom for guests who aren't there to do a favour or who are physically unwell.

It's your room, she doesn't always get her way because she's the oldest. They can sleep in the single together or bring an air bed. She needs to grow up. She's going to embarrass herself more by throwing a tantrum than by letting her boyfriend see her small childhood home.

Cherrysoup · 17/12/2020 23:35

Can’t they take the single if your bf will be there? I used to kip in with my dh in a single if necessary. She’s entitled to want you to move out of the bed you bought/your room.

ChristmasCookies · 17/12/2020 23:37

Sisters boyfriend in the single bed in the box room, sister on the sofa.....

Is it that difficult?????

VinylDetective · 17/12/2020 23:38

Our policy is to put our guests’ comfort above our own. We slept on a blow up bed downstairs at Christmas for years so my parents had our bed. I miss those days.

Original poster
Helpneededbyanoutsider · 17/12/2020 23:38

@Stompythedinosaur

It isnt too much to ask of there's no other option, but in our family we would absolutely rearrange so that everyone has a bed. You sleeping in a single rather than a double is surely less of a pain than someone having to sleep on the sofa or floor?
Sorry if I didn’t clarify, my boyfriend is coming to so will be sleeping in my bed with me. If I was single I’d be in the single bed no problem.
OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 17/12/2020 23:38

If your boyfriend isn’t staying over then imo it’s really selfish to expect them to sleep in the living room while you have a double bed to yourself. If he is staying then they’ll have to bring the air bed.

ChristmasCookies · 17/12/2020 23:39

My family sleep on blow up beds, sofas, under the table :)
Being together is the main thing

Sooooooo wish we were going to be together this year.

She should count herself lucky,
I would sleep on the roof if it meant all my family could be together x

OrigamiOwl · 17/12/2020 23:40

@Boulshired

If it was just her then fine, but I would hate to be the boyfriend sleeping in the families living area.
But I'd also hate to be kicked out of my own bed and would feel uncomfortable having my sister's boyfriend sleep in my bed.

Which ever way you cut it someone is going to be unhappy.

Original poster
Helpneededbyanoutsider · 17/12/2020 23:40

@VinylDetective

Our policy is to put our guests’ comfort above our own. We slept on a blow up bed downstairs at Christmas for years so my parents had our bed. I miss those days.
That’s exactly what my parents have offered to do for her and her bf. They’re in their early 60s and both have arthritis- Still not good enough for her.
OP posts:
CountFosco · 17/12/2020 23:43

They have a choice, share the single room or stay somewhere else. I'd stay somewhere else.

VinylDetective · 17/12/2020 23:43

Still not good enough for her.

Not good enough for her or she wouldn’t put them out of their bed? Would you really let them do that rather than give them your bed? Perhaps you and your sister could toss a coin?

StrawberrySquash · 17/12/2020 23:43

She doesn't get to be precious about her old room. Single bed and sofa is fine. Tell her to look at the sleeping arrangements on #DuvetKnowItsChristmas on Twitter

Hadalifeonce · 17/12/2020 23:46

Do not give be up your bed for your DSis. Why do her desires trump yours?

QueenieButcher · 17/12/2020 23:46

I think YABU.
She may only be your sister but this Christmas, she and her boyfriend are the guests in the house, therefore you should accommodate them as comfortably as you can, ie. in the double bed in her old room.

snookercue · 17/12/2020 23:46

They live an hour and a half away -60 miles one way.

They should go home. Overnight stays are being strongly discouraged and there is absolutely no reason for someone who lives 60 miles away to stay.

Original poster
Helpneededbyanoutsider · 17/12/2020 23:46

@DelphiniumBlue

Does your boyfriend have to stay over, or is he local, so could go home at night while your sister is there? Because as suggested above, best solution is that you have the single and sister and her bf have the double. If your bf lives at yours, then someone will have to compromise, and probably best if it's you and your bf.
My boyfriend Is more local- 25 miles away. However doesn’t drive so would be able to stay into the night which is most likely when we’ll be up till. I feel like as he agreed to come spend the Xmas season with us (he has a difficult relationship with his family) way in advance. Last year we spent it apart and both lockdowns apart, we’re not compromising to not see each other.
OP posts:
edwardson · 17/12/2020 23:47

@StrawberrySquash

She doesn't get to be precious about her old room. Single bed and sofa is fine. Tell her to look at the sleeping arrangements on #DuvetKnowItsChristmas on Twitter
I was just about to say the same thing! It's a phenomenon, nothing to be ashamed of Grin
Original poster
Helpneededbyanoutsider · 17/12/2020 23:48

@QueenieButcher

I think YABU. She may only be your sister but this Christmas, she and her boyfriend are the guests in the house, therefore you should accommodate them as comfortably as you can, ie. in the double bed in her old room.
My boyfriend is also the guest in the house...
OP posts:
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