Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to expect relative to sleep on the sofa for a night

345 replies

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 17/12/2020 23:22

Hi, just want outsiders opinions. Obviously xmas is coming up and me and my bf, sister and her bf and mum and dad are meeting up as the 3 bubbles that are allowed.
We are meeting up at our parents house which is a 3 bed terrace house. 2 doubles, one single. I still live at home (I’m the youngest) and live in the second double (upgraded from the shoe box room when my sister moved out earlier this year), our parents in the other.
My sister hasn’t seen us a lot this year because of covid so we’re all excited to see her and her bf.

She has now made a fuss about not coming over because of not having her old room and the double bed in it (which i brought) to sleep on during her two night (max) stay. They live an hour and a half away -60 miles one way.

Is it to much to ask to bring their double air mattress and sleep downstairs for a night or two? Or just take the sofas.
How do other people solve issues of houses being too small to fit bfs/gfs/ extended family over?
I believe this is a bit of embarrassment as well- her bf has never been to our little house and grew up in a big house with his own en-suite and everything. She and her boyfriend are both uni educated as are his family- we aren’t.
I think she feels ashamed by her humble beginnings...

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 01:12

Can I ask honesty if you guys are all following the 3 household bubble thing.
We’ve thought really carefully about ours and how it can work and either way it can’t...
My grandma (mums side) is very frail and 86. Hasnt been out the house/ in contact with anyone since March. My uncle want to have her Xmas day to see his husbands mother. My aunt then invited her round Boxing Day- not allowed she’s already seen two other households. Again, she doesn’t care thinks it’ll be nicer for her seeing people then staying indoors. We’re seeing other family and on the phone is asking when we will see her, she doesn’t understand.

Surely other families are having rule breakers like this that simply don’t care.

OP posts:
Boulshired · 18/12/2020 01:12

So the boyfriend is going to see all the extra people and then go back to his dad. Who is looking after his dad, is your boyfriend not concerned with all the extra contacts. Just because the government says you can form Christmas bubbles doesn’t mean you have to.

Original poster
Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 01:13

@ineedaholidaynow

So is your bf not seeing his dad or grandma over Christmas?
Not at all. He is literally moving in for the 5 days in order to do this for me.
OP posts:
StatisticalSense · 18/12/2020 01:16

@Helpneededbyanoutsider
Why can't it work?
A bubble of your household, your sisters household and either her boyfriend's sister or parents house would be the 3 households. Your boyfriend could spend the period with his Dad and Grandma (even if he has to sleep on the sofa), and your grandma is already seeing plenty of people so doesn't need to see your household (even if it would be nicer if she could the virus doesn't care about niceties).

Original poster
Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 01:18

His mum (grandma) is looking after him (bf’s dad) whilst bf is with us. He’s been a young carer most his life and this year has been really tough. He’s not immunosuppressant and doesn’t need physical help so bf can isolate(ish) when back. It’s a processing disability so online banking, phones, extra time to think about anything etc is what he needs help with

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 01:21

[quote StatisticalSense]@Helpneededbyanoutsider
Why can't it work?
A bubble of your household, your sisters household and either her boyfriend's sister or parents house would be the 3 households. Your boyfriend could spend the period with his Dad and Grandma (even if he has to sleep on the sofa), and your grandma is already seeing plenty of people so doesn't need to see your household (even if it would be nicer if she could the virus doesn't care about niceties).[/quote]
My sisters bf family is set on their three households. They want to see their three children of one of the most religiously important day of the year no ifs no buts kind of thing- my parents are devastated but being relaxed about it to her face.

OP posts:
StatisticalSense · 18/12/2020 01:22

This is beginning to sound worse by the post to be honest OP. Whether or not you believe your BF needs a break it isn't fair to leave an elderly woman to care for someone for 5 days over Xmas, so it isn't appropriate for your BF to visit. Even if she claims that she is able to do it people of that generation will feel pressured to agree even if they cannot really cope especially if they think it is the only way that a family member will get a break.

BlueThistles · 18/12/2020 01:34

@Charcutaria

Oh my goodness there are some Mumsnet liars out in force tonight. Telling you to do what they wouldn't. It's your bedroom OP, if your sister doesn't like the accommodation on offer, then she should, either go home or stay in a local hotel or air BNB. Your room, your bed, stick to your guns OP

totally agree with this OP 🌺

Original poster
Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 01:35

@StatisticalSense

This is beginning to sound worse by the post to be honest OP. Whether or not you believe your BF needs a break it isn't fair to leave an elderly woman to care for someone for 5 days over Xmas, so it isn't appropriate for your BF to visit. Even if she claims that she is able to do it people of that generation will feel pressured to agree even if they cannot really cope especially if they think it is the only way that a family member will get a break.
You’re assuming she’s old/ Ill health/ of a certain generation. She’s 67 and is fighting fit. Has dad is 41 and bf is 21. Don’t judge to quick
OP posts:
TheWichitaWineOne · 18/12/2020 01:38

My sisters bf family is set on their three households. They want to see their three children of one of the most religiously important day of the year no ifs no buts kind of thing

I'd say that's fair enough tbh. You said that they are a deeply religious family.

Original poster
Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 01:43

@TheWichitaWineOne

My sisters bf family is set on their three households. They want to see their three children of one of the most religiously important day of the year no ifs no buts kind of thing

I'd say that's fair enough tbh. You said that they are a deeply religious family.

Exactly. To be honest given up on trying to convince her to come- whether is over beds like she claims or not, she is adamant she is not coming.

She can’t be in our bubble anyway after choosing them.

Christmas definitely wont be the same...screw covid

OP posts:
IdblowJonSnow · 18/12/2020 01:44

If it was older relatives then yes. For a stroppy harmless sister? No way.

Anyway, they will only shag in your bed. Xmas Shock

Let the daft madam go home. 60 miles is doable.

Original poster
Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 01:48

@IdblowJonSnow

If it was older relatives then yes. For a stroppy harmless sister? No way.

Anyway, they will only shag in your bed. Xmas Shock

Let the daft madam go home. 60 miles is doable.

Hahaha literally what I thought 🤐 🤫😂
OP posts:
BashfulClam · 18/12/2020 02:06

The older sibling gets the better room until they move out. My brothers car hadn’t even reached the end of the street and I was moving my stuff into the better room. He sleet in the box room when he cane to visit. Like a pp i also hate the thought of someone sleeping in my bed or sleeping in someone’s bed. Even in hotels I don’t like it.

Mypathtriedtokillme · 18/12/2020 02:22

It’s only an hour and a half.
Why wouldn’t you just go home?

PerveenMistry · 18/12/2020 02:28

@TheFairyCaravan

If your boyfriend isn’t staying over then imo it’s really selfish to expect them to sleep in the living room while you have a double bed to yourself. If he is staying then they’ll have to bring the air bed.

No. OP shouldn't have the privacy of her room invaded by a stranger.

Boyfriend in box room, sister on sofa. Done.

PerveenMistry · 18/12/2020 02:31

@snookercue

They live an hour and a half away -60 miles one way.

They should go home. Overnight stays are being strongly discouraged and there is absolutely no reason for someone who lives 60 miles away to stay.

Agree. 60 miles is nothing compared to causing upheaval to an entire household.
rottiemum88 · 18/12/2020 02:32

@StatisticalSense

YABU. From a Covid perspective it is an incredibly bad idea to have people sleeping in the living area overnight. If there isn't enough room for everyone in the bedrooms I think you have to sacrifice having your boyfriend over so that your parents can see both of their children.
Both of their children... and the sisters boyfriend Hmm. Do not do this OP, it's your room and you also have a guest. Your sister is being selfish and an idiot.
PerveenMistry · 18/12/2020 02:47

@htbzLlhcR

You're definitely right about it. But as I said it's worth knowing that by inviting them over for Christmas after they've spent time with her bf's family, you're considered to be breaking rules too and could be putting all of your family at more risk (especially as they're visiting the bf's household first so if anyone there was infected even asymptomatically then they may well bring that to your household.

You definitely won't be the only people who are being rule breakers because of other people's selfish actions or blatant disregard for rules (rather than bexause you are the one ignoring clear rules) but unfortunately we all have a responsibility to follow guidance, even if that means not being the laid back one on this occasion. I think if I were you I'd point this out to your sister with a screenshot of government website guidance.

Sorry to burst the bubble (no pun intended, but now I've noticed it, I quite like the pun)

(not saying this to be a downer, just explaining so you can carefully consider your plans)

Excellent point.

This visit should not be happening at all.

yvanka · 18/12/2020 02:48

It's your bed and your room.

If it were an elderly/distant relative then I would probably offer, but no chance for my sister! She's not a guest guest Grin

squeekums · 18/12/2020 03:00

@Suze1621

Honestly I wouldn't engage with this nonsense. You and your boyfriend will be staying in YOUR room. Sister snd boyfriend can make a choice - sofa/airbed, nearby hotel/b&b or don't come.
Exactly this I don't give up my bed or room for anyone
BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 18/12/2020 03:16

I feel stressed just reading the thread. Your sister sounds like hard work.
I’d be secretly hoping Boris put a stop to all the Xmas mixing and problem solved. 😬

RedHelenB · 18/12/2020 04:59

As above. Boyfriend is a guest and therefore I think you should take the single bed for their short visit and ket them sleep in your bed.

Yummymummy2020 · 18/12/2020 05:41

I wouldn’t give her the bed to be honest she is being cheeky! She moved out, leaving the single bed and you moved room and bought the double. You and your boyfriend should get the bed. If it was a different guest like a family friend or older relative I would give it up happily but it’s just your sister acting entitled!

FourDecades · 18/12/2020 05:45

Actually.... l think you should agree to them having the room and you in the front room....

But take your double mattress to sleep on....WinkGrin

Swipe left for the next trending thread