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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to expect relative to sleep on the sofa for a night

345 replies

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 17/12/2020 23:22

Hi, just want outsiders opinions. Obviously xmas is coming up and me and my bf, sister and her bf and mum and dad are meeting up as the 3 bubbles that are allowed.
We are meeting up at our parents house which is a 3 bed terrace house. 2 doubles, one single. I still live at home (I’m the youngest) and live in the second double (upgraded from the shoe box room when my sister moved out earlier this year), our parents in the other.
My sister hasn’t seen us a lot this year because of covid so we’re all excited to see her and her bf.

She has now made a fuss about not coming over because of not having her old room and the double bed in it (which i brought) to sleep on during her two night (max) stay. They live an hour and a half away -60 miles one way.

Is it to much to ask to bring their double air mattress and sleep downstairs for a night or two? Or just take the sofas.
How do other people solve issues of houses being too small to fit bfs/gfs/ extended family over?
I believe this is a bit of embarrassment as well- her bf has never been to our little house and grew up in a big house with his own en-suite and everything. She and her boyfriend are both uni educated as are his family- we aren’t.
I think she feels ashamed by her humble beginnings...

OP posts:
Sweettea1 · 17/12/2020 23:51

You also need a double bed its your room would she expect parents to give up their room sounds like she's being a brat trying to blackmail to get her own way tell her its the sofa single bed or visit for the day and drive back home later.

Original poster
Helpneededbyanoutsider · 17/12/2020 23:52

@ChristmasCookies

Sisters boyfriend in the single bed in the box room, sister on the sofa.....

Is it that difficult?????

Apparently her bf is too tall for a single and will hang over... he’s barely 6” He’d also hang over the 3 person sofa apparently...this is what I mean by I’m sure it’s more of a prejudice thing than a practicality
OP posts:
WhatKatyDidNxt · 17/12/2020 23:55

She doesn’t live there anymore and the bed is yours as you bought it. If she doesn’t like what’s on offer, then she can make other arrangements. I don’t believe in ousting people from their beds for guests

Charcutaria · 17/12/2020 23:55

Oh my goodness there are some Mumsnet liars out in force tonight. Telling you to do what they wouldn't.
It's your bedroom OP, if your sister doesn't like the accommodation on offer, then she should, either go home or stay in a local hotel or air BNB. Your room, your bed, stick to your guns OP

WhatKatyDidNxt · 17/12/2020 23:56

@Helpneededbyanoutsider my fiancé can squash on a single and he’s 6’3?! It’s not great though

Original poster
Helpneededbyanoutsider · 17/12/2020 23:56

@Floralnomad

If I were your sister and the option was a blow up bed or sofa then I wouldn’t stay either , I’d just come for the day .
Apparently coming for the day would be pointless and would eat into her time off of work over the Xmas break too much. When I suggested this she said if she’s at her flat she’ll want to remain there- why I have no idea. For us the Xmas period is about family and isn’t so sad that she’s throwing a tantrum over one night in the sofa
OP posts:
AndcalloffChristmas · 17/12/2020 23:57

Yanbu

It’s your room - she doesn’t live their now!

She wants you to give it up to her so she can lord it over as “the eldest” and perpetually more important (I’m the eldest too btw so not being bitter).

And the crap about him being “too tall” is bollocks. I hate it when tall (or not even that tall in his case!)pull this in order to get everything that is nice.

Sweettea1 · 17/12/2020 23:57

Single bed an double are usually the same length do can't use that as excuse.

Notthe9oclocknewsathon · 17/12/2020 23:57

Can you get a pop up trundle bed on Facebook book marketplace for the single room.

Original poster
Helpneededbyanoutsider · 17/12/2020 23:57

@Charcutaria

Oh my goodness there are some Mumsnet liars out in force tonight. Telling you to do what they wouldn't. It's your bedroom OP, if your sister doesn't like the accommodation on offer, then she should, either go home or stay in a local hotel or air BNB. Your room, your bed, stick to your guns OP
Thank you!!!
OP posts:
ChristmasCookies · 17/12/2020 23:58

She should count herself lucky shes seeing family !

She needs to give her head a wobble !!!

Original poster
Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 00:00

@Notthe9oclocknewsathon

Can you get a pop up trundle bed on Facebook book marketplace for the single room.
We could but wouldn’t fit... she still has all her uni filing cabinets etc in the shoe box room and it is just that, a shoe box. It’s that awkward room above the stairs that has a chunk cut out of it to make headroom for the stairs. With no furniture you could fit a double abs that’s it’s.
OP posts:
Original poster
Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 00:03

@AndcalloffChristmas

Yanbu

It’s your room - she doesn’t live their now!

She wants you to give it up to her so she can lord it over as “the eldest” and perpetually more important (I’m the eldest too btw so not being bitter).

And the crap about him being “too tall” is bollocks. I hate it when tall (or not even that tall in his case!)pull this in order to get everything that is nice.

She has a 2 bed flat with a sofa bed so could host 6 adults and has done so for her friends.

Hasn’t yet offered to have us but is saying she won’t be coming to see us this year as they have no where to stay.

OP posts:
ScottishStottie · 18/12/2020 00:04

Send her a link to buy an air matress from argos and leave it with her.

She clearly still sees it as her room, which it isnt any more so she needs to get over it.

How long ago did she move out?

TheWichitaWineOne · 18/12/2020 00:04

I wouldn't feel happy sleeping in a shared family area, OP, sorry. I need my privacy too much. That said, I wouldn't kick anyone out of bed - I'd make sure we had a hotel booked or something.

username1724 · 18/12/2020 00:05

Shes being incredibly precious, dont give up your room. Why should you? Why is their comfort more important than yours? Its your room now and she should never have assumed. I wouldn't move either, they know the options its on them to decide what to do now.

SwedishEdith · 18/12/2020 00:07

How old are they? In my 20s, I used to just share a single bed if I had to with my bf. Or put a blow up mattress on floor next to single bed?

DuzzyFuck · 18/12/2020 00:11

Is there enough room in the single for another single air bed on the floor? If so then that's the solution. Nobody has to sleep in a 'public' area.

People make do at Christmas especially for a night or two. I've followed the
#DuvetKnowItsChristmas hashtag on Twitter for years; people share their makeshift sleeping arrangements and it's hilarious. Childhood bedrooms still with 70s decor, conservatories, garages, air-beds under the kitchen table or in the loft, several adult siblings sharing one bedroom. It's just what happens if people don't want to shell out for hotels.

StatisticalSense · 18/12/2020 00:11

YABU.
From a Covid perspective it is an incredibly bad idea to have people sleeping in the living area overnight. If there isn't enough room for everyone in the bedrooms I think you have to sacrifice having your boyfriend over so that your parents can see both of their children.

yellowcatss · 18/12/2020 00:12

@Charcutaria

Oh my goodness there are some Mumsnet liars out in force tonight. Telling you to do what they wouldn't. It's your bedroom OP, if your sister doesn't like the accommodation on offer, then she should, either go home or stay in a local hotel or air BNB. Your room, your bed, stick to your guns OP
read again its the sisters bedroom
DuzzyFuck · 18/12/2020 00:12

Dang people have beat me to it. I'm a bit sad that there might not be so much of it on Twitter this year if people aren't travelling! It's one of the highlights of Christmas Grin

StatisticalSense · 18/12/2020 00:14

@DuzzyFuck
Maybe in normal times, but I think when it comes to Covid the usual sleeping capacity of the house is a good guideline as to the maximum number of people who can be safely accommodated within it. Just because you are technically allowed to meet up with 2 other households it doesn't meet that you should if the house isn't big enough to support that.

Original poster
Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 00:14

@VinylDetective

Still not good enough for her.

Not good enough for her or she wouldn’t put them out of their bed? Would you really let them do that rather than give them your bed? Perhaps you and your sister could toss a coin?

Of course I’d never let them do that. My dad bless him said it out of the bloo on a FaceTime call to sort this mess out. He grew up sharing a room with his brother and 2 sisters and can’t see an issue with the sofa for them two for a night
OP posts:
namechangealerttt · 18/12/2020 00:15

I would hate to be your sisters boyfriend. I would find it so stressful being in a strangers house overnight for the first time and not a place to escape to 'for an early night' if necessary, you have to be the last to go to bed and up with the first in the morning.
I assume your boyfriend is familiar with your house and family? Does he live nearby and could he go home for the night if he , understandably, does not want to sleep in your living room? If he lives nearby, could you sleep the night at his house?

Boulshired · 18/12/2020 00:15

You want to keep your room and your boyfriend is staying over and she doesn’t want Christmas with her boyfriend on a couch or travelling there and back. The thing is she has options and she if one is not coming over at the Christmas time then that’s her choice. At a young age I would prefer a comfortable Christmas with my boyfriend than a blow up mattress and getting up as soon as the first person comes down stairs.