Page 4 | Aibu to expect relative to sleep on the sofa for a night

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 2020-12-17T23:22:01+00:00

Hi, just want outsiders opinions. Obviously xmas is coming up and me and my bf, sister and her bf and mum and dad are meeting up as the 3 bubbles that are allowed. We are meeting up at our parents house which is a 3 bed terrace house. 2 doubles, one single. I still live at home (I’m the youngest) and live in the second double (upgraded from the shoe box room when my sister moved out earlier this year), our parents in the other. My sister hasn’t seen us a lot this year because of covid so we’re all excited to see her and her bf. She has now made a fuss about not coming over because of not having her old room and the double bed in it (which i brought) to sleep on during her two night (max) stay. They live an hour and a half away -60 miles one way. Is it to much to ask to bring their double air mattress and sleep downstairs for a night or two? Or just take the sofas. How do other people solve issues of houses being too small to fit bfs/gfs/ extended family over? I believe this is a bit of embarrassment as well- her bf has never been to our little house and grew up in a big house with his own en-suite and everything. She and her boyfriend are both uni educated as are his family- we aren’t. I think she feels ashamed by her humble beginnings...

TheWichitaWineOne · 18/12/2020 00:41

I just reflected on this. When we've stayed with DH's siblings, we've always had a room, so someone gave theirs up to welcome us. When my siblings have stayed (a few years ago, small house) we decamped to the sitting room and actually slept on sofa cushions, I've just remembered

I've already said upthread that I need my privacy too much in someone 's else's home, so I'd book a hotel rather than be a shared family space. However, me and DH have given our room up in the past to welcome siblings, and it didn't really feel like a biggy, if I'm honest. It meant we could drink wine to the early hours and not stress about cabs and so on

htbzLlhcR · 18/12/2020 00:44

@Helpneededbyanoutsider

I should mention that the 2 days before coming to see us she will be at her bf’s parents- who are deeply religious and this is obviously a very important time for them. She’s not very happy about going there as she isn’t religious and never has been. His mother also doesn’t cater for her vegan diet choices and In general she has told us (without bf hearing) she is dreading going there. She is compromising for him- spending Xmas day and Boxing Day there.

Up until tonight we thought she was really looking forward to seeing us, now it’s every solution isn’t good enough and is adamant she’s not coming.

In that case, sorry to bring this up OP but you are all going to be breaking covid rules. You can form a 3-household bubble, but the people in that bubble aren't mixing with other bubbles in the 5-day Christmas 'covid rule break'.

FortunesFave · 18/12/2020 00:45

I'd sleep in the small room if I were you with my boyfriend on the floor beside me. That way your sister and her boyfriend get some privacy. He doesn't know the family as well as your boyfriend does...it seems mean of you.

Original poster

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 00:45

@ineedaholidaynow I don’t think so:

Me, mum and dad

2 my bf 3 sister and her bf ( they live together)

Sister seems to think you can change your bubble- we’ve told her that’s not allowed but what do we know? 🤭
So she bubbling with;
Firstly;
-her and her bf

bf’s mum dad and sister
older sister and her husband

Then us.

OP posts:

Henio · 18/12/2020 00:46

I've never liked the thought of other people using my bed, I don't know what it is but it grosses me out, even with changing all the covers and sheets

Original poster

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 00:46

@FortunesFave

I'd sleep in the small room if I were you with my boyfriend on the floor beside me. That way your sister and her boyfriend get some privacy. He doesn't know the family as well as your boyfriend does...it seems mean of you.

There’s no room beside the single bed, it’s a box room

OP posts:

Boulshired · 18/12/2020 00:46

Can you not just accept that for whatever reasons that she is not comfortable coming, it might not even be her it might be the boyfriend who is not comfortable. His parents being religious, being graduates, sizes of houses is irrelevant.

ineedaholidaynow · 18/12/2020 00:48

Your sister shouldn’t be coming to yours as she has already used up her quota of households. Will your bf see his family over Christmas?

htbzLlhcR · 18/12/2020 00:49

[quote Helpneededbyanoutsider]@ineedaholidaynow I don’t think so:

Me, mum and dad

2 my bf 3 sister and her bf ( they live together)

Sister seems to think you can change your bubble- we’ve told her that’s not allowed but what do we know? 🤭
So she bubbling with;
Firstly;
-her and her bf

bf’s mum dad and sister
older sister and her husband

Then us.[/quote] Yeah... That's definitely not allowed. Unfortunately, you should only be bubbling with other people if they aren't bubbling with others outside of your 3-house bubble. So technically, you're breaking the rules too - even though it's her that's actively disobeying them.

Original poster

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 00:49

@htbzLlhcR we have said this to my sister about not changing the 3 bubbles. She seems to think that she’s right and we know nothing. Like I’ve said I’m the easy going one- if it was the other way around I would have links to the guidance sent to me but that’s non of my business...

OP posts:

Chambored · 18/12/2020 00:49

@SwedishEdith

How old are they? In my 20s, I used to just share a single bed if I had to with my bf. Or put a blow up mattress on floor next to single bed?

This. Even in their 30s they can do this. You and your parents live in the house so should not have to give up your beds for a ‘guest’ who is a daughter / sister. Particularly one who sounds like a bit of a tit. Suggest the single blow up mattress and leave them to it. If she’s embarrassed by her beginnings then she’s defo a tit.

Chloemol · 18/12/2020 00:50

Well the answers simple isn’t it

You can only bubble with 3 families across the whole five days, she has her and boyfriend, boyfriends family and older sister and her husband, that’s the three

Therefore she can’t come to you so I fail to see what the problem is

Original poster

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 00:51

@htbzLlhcR do you want to come tell her that? 😂 maybe she’ll listen to you?
My parents would be heartbroken thinking she’s chosen to go somewhere she doesn’t even want to go to (reasons explained above), instead of here so would never make her choose.

OP posts:

Original poster

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 00:54

@Chloemol

Well the answers simple isn’t it

You can only bubble with 3 families across the whole five days, she has her and boyfriend, boyfriends family and older sister and her husband, that’s the three

Therefore she can’t come to you so I fail to see what the problem is

Who’s enforcing this exactly? She won’t listen to me and my parents want to see her too much to make her choose/ tell her not to come.

OP posts:

StatisticalSense · 18/12/2020 00:55

But it sounds like you are breaking the rules in any case even if you ignore the other households your sister is seeing.
Household 1: You, Mum and Dad
Household 2: Boyfriend & Family
who are seeing Household 3: His Grandmother
Household 4: Sister & Boyfriend
which is not permitted.

SilverBirchWithout · 18/12/2020 00:56

Why can’t they stay at a local hotel, or Airbnb?
But seriously they can’t come due to the Christmas bubble rules.

Original poster

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 00:56

@ineedaholidaynow

Your sister shouldn’t be coming to yours as she has already used up her quota of households. Will your bf see his family over Christmas?

He’s coming to us and us only over Xmas. Some us read the rules ☕️ and follow them 👀

OP posts:

StatisticalSense · 18/12/2020 00:57

If your parents want to see your sister more than your boyfriend I'm afraid you aren't able to see him (as it is their house so they get the final say), as there is no way that they can see both of those households without breaking the rules (given that your BFs household is also seeing other households and it's not reasonable for you to ask them not to).

Original poster

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 00:57

@StatisticalSense

But it sounds like you are breaking the rules in any case even if you ignore the other households your sister is seeing. Household 1: You, Mum and Dad Household 2: Boyfriend & Family who are seeing Household 3: His Grandmother Household 4: Sister & Boyfriend which is not permitted.

He won’t be seeing his grandma, she is coming a day after he come to us (on the first day of the Xmas rules)

OP posts:

htbzLlhcR · 18/12/2020 00:58

You're definitely right about it. But as I said it's worth knowing that by inviting them over for Christmas after they've spent time with her bf's family, you're considered to be breaking rules too and could be putting all of your family at more risk (especially as they're visiting the bf's household first so if anyone there was infected even asymptomatically then they may well bring that to your household.

You definitely won't be the only people who are being rule breakers because of other people's selfish actions or blatant disregard for rules (rather than bexause you are the one ignoring clear rules) but unfortunately we all have a responsibility to follow guidance, even if that means not being the laid back one on this occasion. I think if I were you I'd point this out to your sister with a screenshot of government website guidance.

Sorry to burst the bubble (no pun intended, but now I've noticed it, I quite like the pun)

(not saying this to be a downer, just explaining so you can carefully consider your plans)

Original poster

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 00:59

@StatisticalSense

If your parents want to see your sister more than your boyfriend I'm afraid you aren't able to see him (as it is their house so they get the final say), as there is no way that they can see both of those households without breaking the rules (given that your BFs household is also seeing other households and it's not reasonable for you to ask them not to).

His household is him and his dad. He will be with us all Xmas. His grandma also lives alone and they aren’t seeing anyone else.

OP posts:

StatisticalSense · 18/12/2020 01:01

@htbzLlhcR
The OP is willing to ignore bubble breaches when it comes to her boyfriend so it seems odd that she is so concerned when it comes to her sister. In any case as the OP doesn't live with her BF and they both live with other adults she must remain socially distanced from him at all times so they cannot share a bed if she cares about the rules that much (even within the Xmas bubbles it is expected that social distancing will be maintained between different households).

Original poster

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 01:01

@htbzLlhcR

You're definitely right about it. But as I said it's worth knowing that by inviting them over for Christmas after they've spent time with her bf's family, you're considered to be breaking rules too and could be putting all of your family at more risk (especially as they're visiting the bf's household first so if anyone there was infected even asymptomatically then they may well bring that to your household.

You definitely won't be the only people who are being rule breakers because of other people's selfish actions or blatant disregard for rules (rather than bexause you are the one ignoring clear rules) but unfortunately we all have a responsibility to follow guidance, even if that means not being the laid back one on this occasion. I think if I were you I'd point this out to your sister with a screenshot of government website guidance.

Sorry to burst the bubble (no pun intended, but now I've noticed it, I quite like the pun)

(not saying this to be a downer, just explaining so you can carefully consider your plans)

I appreciate this. Thanks. Will be sending a screenshot tomorrow, I’m sure it’ll do nothing though

OP posts:

Original poster

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 18/12/2020 01:04

[quote StatisticalSense]@htbzLlhcR
The OP is willing to ignore bubble breaches when it comes to her boyfriend so it seems odd that she is so concerned when it comes to her sister. In any case as the OP doesn't live with her BF and they both live with other adults she must remain socially distanced from him at all times so they cannot share a bed if she cares about the rules that much (even within the Xmas bubbles it is expected that social distancing will be maintained between different households).[/quote]
Hi, my bf’s dad is disabled and he is his carer so they’re allowed to bubble up for support with one other household. As I drive, I do there shopping, take to appointment etc. Only in lockdowns do I not do this (too risky).

OP posts:

ineedaholidaynow · 18/12/2020 01:05

So is your bf not seeing his dad or grandma over Christmas?