to send him a copy of her pass-agg card?

[HubrisPolice]

I have received a marvellously nasty Christmas card from my sister-in-law. Absolutely dripping saccharine venom.

Now normally I wouldn't dream of passing shit like this around. I might take a sanity-check with someone close to me whom she'll never meet, but in general I wouldn't show private correspondence around.

I also feel strongly one shouldn't mess with loyalty between husband and wife.

Buuuuuut... she's signed my DB's name to her shit.

DB is usually the one who writes the cards to me, or at the very least they both sign them. There's nothing to show he's even seen this one.

My options are

a) I can ignore and have my DB wondering why people are apparently behaving weirdly.

b) I can speak to her directly – my normal approach, but in my old age I've learned that engaging with batshit just elicits... more batshit.

c) I can send him a copy of the card she has written and to which she has appended both his and her names.

Now it may or not be an actual good move to send him a copy: still pondering that one! But in terms of whether it's ethically permissable:

YABU: it's a private note from her to you, he's not entitled to know the contents and what's more you should be at pains never to play husband off against wife;

YANBU: it's a note with his name at the bottom, he's entitled to know what's being said in his name.

Tell 'im.

I’d tell him.

I would definitely be emailing him a copy of that card. By signing your brother's name to it she threw privacy out the window.

I need to know what it says before I can decide.

That’s actually a total lie, I just want to know.

I really want to know what it says

So this wasn't jyst a card? It was a nasty note?

What does it actually say? Because she may be being passive aggressive but that's very hard to prove in writing and open to interpretation

Can't judge until I know what it says

I need to know what it says before I can offer an opinion.

You know we need to know what it said. C’mon.

Do you know that it's not from him too?

Oh what does she say? I need some wording for my NDN card that’s properly full of decent saccharine venom too

Isn't it pretty normal for one half of a couple to sign a card on behalf of both? I usually sign cards from myself and DH but all I write is "To x and y" from Janet and DHname.

Yes what does it say? Unless it's overtly nasty she could just deny it.

Personally I wouldn't send it but I'd speak to him and ask if he's seen the card, say "bit of a strange message DB"

Can't decide until we know what it says. If it's objectively nasty then yes share with brother. If not, I'd be more delicate about it.

100% need to know what's in the card. I'm too curious now!

Would anyone else think it’s what you say it is?

Yea I totally need to know what it says first!

Does he already know you dislike his wife? Sharing the message with him would make that v clear.

Why following the card have you decided to be ‘weird’ with her, rather than ignore it?

YABU to think we’re not all immediately going to demand to know what she’s written!

If it’s a card signed from both of them, there’s no issue with talking to him about it. I’d be playing the fake innocent “is everything ok, I was a bit confused by the message in your card” (or similar, appropriate to content).

My life is empty until I know what that card said.

What does it say? What's the backstory?

Dear Bro,
The card from you ...wtaf?
Xxx
He'll ask you what it said.

Its it just a poorly picked card or are you saying she has actually wrote a horrible note in it

My initial instinct is to rise above it and ignore and send one back just saying 'have a wonderful Christmas' but it depends just how bad it is? What's the next stage if you send it to your DB? Is he likely to tell her to apologise, would she? Or more likely would he say nothing so as not to cause a row at home?