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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to send him a copy of her pass-agg card?

303 replies

HubrisPolice · 17/12/2020 15:34

I have received a marvellously nasty Christmas card from my sister-in-law. Absolutely dripping saccharine venom.

Now normally I wouldn't dream of passing shit like this around. I might take a sanity-check with someone close to me whom she'll never meet, but in general I wouldn't show private correspondence around.

I also feel strongly one shouldn't mess with loyalty between husband and wife.

Buuuuuut... she's signed my DB's name to her shit. Shock

DB is usually the one who writes the cards to me, or at the very least they both sign them. There's nothing to show he's even seen this one.

My options are

a) I can ignore and have my DB wondering why people are apparently behaving weirdly.

b) I can speak to her directly – my normal approach, but in my old age I've learned that engaging with batshit just elicits... more batshit.

c) I can send him a copy of the card she has written and to which she has appended both his and her names.

Now it may or not be an actual good move to send him a copy: still pondering that one! But in terms of whether it's ethically permissable:

YABU: it's a private note from her to you, he's not entitled to know the contents and what's more you should be at pains never to play husband off against wife;

YANBU: it's a note with his name at the bottom, he's entitled to know what's being said in his name.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 17/12/2020 15:46

What does it say?

Aquamarine1029 · 17/12/2020 15:46

My life is empty until I know what that card said.

Mine too. I don't think I'll be able to carry on.

changed1 · 17/12/2020 15:47

I just need to know what it said 👀

baublesbaubleseverywhere · 17/12/2020 15:47

YANBU. But I reeeeeeally want to know what she's written!

timeforanewstart · 17/12/2020 15:48

Although I don'r know many that both sign a card , i sign most of the cards in this house otherwise no one would get one
Dh signs his mums after its sat on side for days and I have nagged him enough
The only one he signs without pushing is the one to me , probably as he isn't brave enough to forget that one

JofraArchersFastestBall · 17/12/2020 15:48

We really have to know what she's written before we can comment. (Please tell us!)

livefornaps · 17/12/2020 15:49

Teeellll uuussss

EloiseTheFirst · 17/12/2020 15:49

I also agree we need to know what was said.

HappydaysArehere · 17/12/2020 15:49

Are you doing it to get us going? Thinking that either it isn’t too bad or really bad or perhaps this is just a joke.

HotSince63 · 17/12/2020 15:50

If it's one of those Moonpig sarcastic/funny type cards, I wouldn't say anything.

If she's actually written something nasty inside, then yes tell your DB.

EscapeTheCastle · 17/12/2020 15:50

This is going to bother me for ever if the OP doesn't tell us.

You could send an image of the message asking "just checking this card and message is from you?"

Only if you are v v sure there is ill intent. You can only check this by asking your pals here on MN...

Aquamarine1029 · 17/12/2020 15:51

I think we would all agree to each of us giving you a fiver if you post a pic of the card.

Inpeace · 17/12/2020 15:51

Of course you can ask him about it it is ‘from’ him and her.

unebaguettepastropcuite · 17/12/2020 15:52

Something along the lines of "thanks for the card, not sure how I'm supposed to take it"?

CodenameVillanelle · 17/12/2020 15:52

YABU not to tell us what it says

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/12/2020 15:54

@Aquamarine1029

I think we would all agree to each of us giving you a fiver if you post a pic of the card.
I'm in.
luckylavender · 17/12/2020 15:55

We need to know Wink

Aroundtheroom · 17/12/2020 15:56

What does it say?

TokyoSushi · 17/12/2020 15:58

What does it say?!

Zilla1 · 17/12/2020 15:58

You could play it straight as it came from him and call him for a chat and in the course of pre-Christmas pleasantries, ask him what he meant when he said whatever the mysterious card and letter said. You could also ask him which other family members would have received similar cards from him?

LoisWilkersonslastnerve · 17/12/2020 15:58

You said passive aggressive, are you sure it really was meant to be nasty? If so then tl him.

DerbyshireMama · 17/12/2020 15:59

You have got to tell us

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 17/12/2020 15:59

Tell him.
And tell us!!

Nore · 17/12/2020 16:00

Honestly, OP, this is one of those situations where you suspect the poster has wildly over-interpreted something unless they give you some idea of what the SIL actually said in her Christmas card of 'saccharine venom'.

No, you don't owe the internet sight of your private correspondence, obviously, but I'm reminded of a current thread in which a poster appears to think that her SIL, who she admits has never been anything other than perfectly nice to her, is secretly evil, solely because of a 'micro-expression' of calculation she believes she glimpsed on the poor woman's face, thereby revealing her inner villainy.

Janaih · 17/12/2020 16:00

Just hanging around in the vain hope OP tells us what the card says...