To leave one girls name off the team card?

[GinAtMerlottes]

DD (10) joined a sports team in September. There is 9 of them in the team and two or three who train with them but aren’t in the official team.
The coach is a volunteer and she puts in so so much effort with the girls and is just so lovely. The team in this iteration is new and this is her first year coaching also.

I sent a message to all the other parents to see if they wanted to contribute to a joint gift. Quite a few did so I set up a PayPal pool and set the amount for £10. In the end everyone contributed, and the training kids put in £5 and we got 100 odd quid. Bought some vouchers and am going to give them along with a card and wine tonight.

One set of parents didn’t respond at all to any messages about the present and didn’t mention it to me at training either. No problem at all but it does mean every others kids name is on the card but not theirs. They are very involved with the team and the sport so no doubt they’ve done their own thing or whatever but WIBU to leave this girls name off?

I also arrange the teacher collection at school and don’t set an amount for that and have just written “from class” in the cards regardless of who has actually contributed. But this is a sports team they elect to join so feels a bit different.

Small issue but preoccupying me this morning. I try and be very inclusive etc in everything and doesn’t sit well to leave off one name.

It isn't the child's fault for goodness sake. Include her name.

Can't you just write 'love from the team' on the card so as not to exclude one child? Seems a bit mean if you don't know for sure the reasons.

Including her name would annoy me - but tbh, it probably won't cause any real harm. Excluding her name could cause further issues (the parents could be skint and embarrassed, the coach could end up thinking there's something they've done wrong to this kid, possible fall outs). I'd probably message them again and say "didn't hear back but will include her name, let me know if that's a problem". Include it, and then forget about it.

Is there a need for the tone? In literally the first reply?

No way would I leave just one off.

It's not different at all in my view and should be signed from 'the team'.

Leaving one child out is awful and would reflect badly on you, as the coach would know it was you who thought it was ok.

You should include the child’s name, yes.

I would include them - group financial things can be difficult and very embarrassing for people who can't afford to contribute and don't want to disclose this so a stranger. For just one child I would not leave them out.

You'll get answers from both sides on this.
I think so long as you dont make a show of "here's a gift from everyone BUT Jessica whose parents didn't contribute" in front of everyone. Then you should write everyone's names on the card who contributed and leave the person who didn't contribute off. Gifts are from the people who buy them.

I was wondering if they even might be JWs or another religion? I don’t know anything about them really, unlike school parents where I know most of the relevant details when it comes to this sort of thing.

So as punishment to her parents for not taking part in your collection and doing their own thing you want to exclude the name of a 10 year old from a card? I honestly don't understand how people can think like this...

Just put the girl's name in. It's not fair to exclude her.

I’d be annoyed too but there has to be a reason. The parents could be skint and mortified that they can’t afford to put anything in. Just write her name and forget about it.

Just write 'from the team' or whatever. I actually hate these kind of collections.

I did think about putting “the team” but one of the assistant coaches also put in as did the parents of the kids who aren’t technically in the team so wanted to include their names.

I would just put ‘from the team’ or ‘thank you from the parents of x team’.

It’s accurate enough for your purposes.

Include

For gods sake just put her name on the card and stop being so ridiculous.

maybe her parents are skint, don’t be pathetic I’m sure that the coach wouldn’t care who contributed.

Ok from ‘the x team community’ or similar.

It’s not a punishment, what a weird way to look at it. It’s not compulsory or even necessary a virtue to contribute to a Christmas gift. If anything I would think I was possibly imposing my views and values on them by including her name anyway. That’s what I want to avoid!

@LittleMissLockdown

So as punishment to her parents for not taking part in your collection and doing their own thing you want to exclude the name of a 10 year old from a card? I honestly don't understand how people can think like this...

I really can't understand it either.

It wouldn't cross my mind for a second to single one child out by way of leaving their name off.

Put the girls name in

How presumptuous.
What if she doesnt want to be in it? You say you dont know them. Maybe they dont like the coach.

If you just put the team and coaches then you avoid any of this overthinking your in.
You cannot exclude that one name, you’ll look petty

If it's a team gift, it's from the team.

Did you really think you were going to get replies telling you were good to leave a kid's name off a card?