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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave one girls name off the team card?

533 replies

GinAtMerlottes · 16/12/2020 14:33

DD (10) joined a sports team in September. There is 9 of them in the team and two or three who train with them but aren’t in the official team.
The coach is a volunteer and she puts in so so much effort with the girls and is just so lovely. The team in this iteration is new and this is her first year coaching also.

I sent a message to all the other parents to see if they wanted to contribute to a joint gift. Quite a few did so I set up a PayPal pool and set the amount for £10. In the end everyone contributed, and the training kids put in £5 and we got 100 odd quid. Bought some vouchers and am going to give them along with a card and wine tonight.

One set of parents didn’t respond at all to any messages about the present and didn’t mention it to me at training either. No problem at all but it does mean every others kids name is on the card but not theirs. They are very involved with the team and the sport so no doubt they’ve done their own thing or whatever but WIBU to leave this girls name off?

I also arrange the teacher collection at school and don’t set an amount for that and have just written “from class” in the cards regardless of who has actually contributed. But this is a sports team they elect to join so feels a bit different.

Small issue but preoccupying me this morning. I try and be very inclusive etc in everything and doesn’t sit well to leave off one name.

OP posts:
Wheresmykimchi · 17/12/2020 19:20

@CatkinToadflax

We had a Queen Bee at DSs’ infant school. Ran the PTA and all-round Superwoman. Asked everyone to pitch in £10 each for an end of year present for DS2’s class teacher. I had a quiet word with QB and explained that I really couldn’t manage £10 because I also had to get presents for DS1’s teacher, 1:1 special needs assistant and senco. QB told me kindly that that was fine, she totally understood - I could donate a smaller amount, whatever I could afford - and DS2’s name would be written at the bottom of the card in smaller text than everyone else’s. Hmm
I've heard it all now.
Watermelon888 · 17/12/2020 22:10

Our QB did the big presentation today (on behalf of my dc’s sports team). Not sure why she did it and not the kids themselves who are old enough.

I had to chuckle and couldn’t stop thinking of this thread. I have to admit it did come across as a bit attention seeking on her behalf and that she wanted them to know it was her that organised it!

ancientgran · 17/12/2020 22:14

I suppose Marcus Rashford would have been the kids left off. I bet his coach would still want him in the team.

I do hope this little girl has a brilliant future and EVERYONE finds out.

ancientgran · 17/12/2020 22:24

And honestly the kid will have no idea her name isn’t on the card and the coach probably won’t notice anyway! And even if they did notice, no coach or teacher would think badly of a child if the parent didn’t donate No the coach won't think badly of the child, the OP on the other hand.......

famousforwrongreason · 18/12/2020 04:36

Just put the bloody name on. The present is over the top cost wise, I’m sure the child has a valid reason. This is your ego at play here, what harm would it do to add another person’s name to a list of names?

famousforwrongreason · 18/12/2020 04:40

@GinAtMerlottes

To save a cringey “here’s a gift from the whole team” thing, have never been able to bear that sort of thing.

Bullying? Behave. It’s a totally voluntary Christmas gift collection and If people don’t actually want to be involved it’s hardly bullying to allow them not to be involved.

Cringey to write that a gift from a team is from the team? Ugh, and I saw your update. you did exactly what you’d planned in the first place. What a waste of a post that was, you’ve learned nothing about kindness or compassion. This is no Charles dickens style Christmas ending
ShopoholicIn · 18/12/2020 04:52

I think it should list the kids who have contributed.

Bookworming · 18/12/2020 04:57

I think it should list the kids who have contributed.

None of the kids contributed, the parents did! Therefore the kid whose parents didn't contribute was left off, not exactly team spirit is it? The team gave only been going since September so £10 is a big ask, especially silly to some families.

Bookworming · 18/12/2020 04:58

Not sure where that random "silly" came from!

SOmuchsparkle · 18/12/2020 05:08

Just put from the team, the assistant coach , and whoever else! Don't leave the kid out OP 🤷‍♀️

Bookworming · 18/12/2020 05:10

@SOmuchsparkle too late she's done it 😞

Thereluctantstepmother · 18/12/2020 05:21

I wouldn’t have £10 to give you right now and certainly wouldn’t appreciate my DD being left out because of it. What an unkind thing to do OP. I hope you never end up struggling financially. It gnaws at your soul. Sad

Nc135 · 18/12/2020 05:34

What a nasty unkind thing to do. Am so heartened that so many people on here recognise that. No idea why OP asked about this and did it anyway. She wanted a bitch fest as well!

Nicolastuffedone · 18/12/2020 06:44

She left her name off????

Nonamesavail · 18/12/2020 07:13

She actually left one name off? Do people actually do that?

OhWhyNot · 18/12/2020 07:30

Just include their name

This issue popped up a few time’s for presents for teachers with some moaning it wasn’t fair Hmm who really care who does and doesn’t pay towards teachers presents

Derbee · 18/12/2020 07:33

Telling that the nasty cow hasn’t come back to the thread.

Woewoewoejoy · 18/12/2020 08:01

Put from the team or include her name. She's hardly going to go and waive it in front of X child's parents for them to complain that their child's name is on it... Really over thinking it op

littlefireseverywhere · 18/12/2020 08:16

I think you’ve made this too personal. Firstly by adding the kids names to the card and secondly by you being the one to give the gift. It needs to be from the team and supporters or however you’d like to phrase it and one of the girls need to give it to her or it needs to be left before she arrives. Otherwise these things will always backfire on you.Essentially you’re trying to do a good deed and others are grateful that you’re doing it however £10 is a lot to charge and some might have problems paying that this time of year. I’ll be the bigger person be gracious!

littlefireseverywhere · 18/12/2020 08:17

Actually thinking about it surely this thread must be a wind up no one would be that awful?

Yeahnahmum · 18/12/2020 08:19

Nope. Not the name from the kid. But do sign the card on behalf of "the team"

Unless all the kids wrote their own names, then you just exclude the name.

Joinedjustforthispost · 18/12/2020 08:20

Yabu you would be a complete t@!t to actively single out an humiliate an innocent child just because there parents are knobbers . I’d personally just put from the team .

Joinedjustforthispost · 18/12/2020 08:21

@littlefireseverywhere

Actually thinking about it surely this thread must be a wind up no one would be that awful?
This !
katiegoestoaldi · 18/12/2020 08:46

God you're petty, what's wrong with you?!

AutumnAlready · 18/12/2020 15:46

Dreadful thing to do to a child by an adult, a mother no less. Hope this is a wind up.

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